How do I get off my pity pot?

stayingstrongfortoday
stayingstrongfortoday Member Posts: 116
in Breast Cancer #1
The last couple of weeks have been tough, not feeling well, lots on my plate, blah, blah, blah. didn't get into the clinical trial I was hoping for, new scans showed progression of disease. I spent yesterday puking and now today feel a little more like myself but no clue if I will go through what I went through yesterday each week. I am sick of my "friends" who tell me to hold it together and take life by each minute while they are out going to the pool, doing all they need to do while sit in my house feeling like poo.

I am usually upbeat but I am not sure how to get past this bump in the road. I am a teacher suppose to report back Aug 10 and the other day my oncologist said he just didn't think I could do it, maybe part time but I was going to be too tired. I just dread talking to my principal cause I have a support teaching job (SPED) but in may they said there is no part time positions available....so i will have to use FMAL. Ugh. I just want my normal boring life back. I would appreciate it more than I ever did before. I am happy to still be here almost 3 years after diagnosis but I know I am subject to get down. Question is I am stuck on how to "get back up".

Comments

  • grams2jc
    grams2jc Member Posts: 756
    #2
    I am no help
    But want you to know I "get it". Happy occasions are bittersweet and every day is a battle with my brain to stay positive, sometimes when I should be laughing I cry.

    I wish you better feelings and happier thoughts, as well as easing up of all of your physical symptoms.

    Jennifer
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #3
    grams2jc said:

    I am no help
    But want you to know I "get it". Happy occasions are bittersweet and every day is a battle with my brain to stay positive, sometimes when I should be laughing I cry.

    I wish you better feelings and happier thoughts, as well as easing up of all of your physical symptoms.

    Jennifer

    I think its a lot of
    I think its a lot of pressure to feel up when you feel like crap. I tried to just go with it, because if I denied it it just made it worse. I made myself go out and be with people although I wanted to crawl in a hole. It ticks me off that they tell you what to do, never having been there. Anyway, no good answers but wanted to say hang in there big HUGS!
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #4
    carkris said:

    I think its a lot of
    I think its a lot of pressure to feel up when you feel like crap. I tried to just go with it, because if I denied it it just made it worse. I made myself go out and be with people although I wanted to crawl in a hole. It ticks me off that they tell you what to do, never having been there. Anyway, no good answers but wanted to say hang in there big HUGS!

    Hi & sorry
    whatever you feel it is normal. I did watch comedies while on Chemo and laughing did help me a lot.
    As for job, have you thought about filing for disability insurance? Depending on your state and school district , plus federal can be very useful for you. Ask your oncologist and clinical social worker for help.
    Hugs
  • mamolady
    mamolady Member Posts: 796 Member
    #5
    a couple different ideas
    I can't even imagine what you are going through. I know during the beginning of my treatment, I got a bit scattered. When that happens, for me, it is easy to get down. I started a "stress management after cancer" class last week. Something like that may help just to focus.
    With kids and work and all, it may be hard to find time for your self, but that may also help. Take time to do one thing for your self during the day. Even if it is just to listen to your favorite song, or have a cup of tea, or read the paper, or go for a walk around the block.
    I used to listen to Dr Laura, she would suggest to people that were unhappy in a relationship to act like they are happy. Do all the stuff you would do if you were happy and eventually you will feel it again. That may also work?
    Cindy
  • Tkitty
    Tkitty Member Posts: 56
    #6
    Staying upbeat
    I am getting ready to start radiation this week. Thinking about it too much since it is an unknown for me. I just watched "Mamma Mia" on DVD. Sang along with the music and feel a bit better now. It's hard to stay upbeat when you feel bad, but music helps me. Thinking of you.
  • skipper54
    skipper54 Member Posts: 936 Member
    #7
    Tkitty said:

    Staying upbeat
    I am getting ready to start radiation this week. Thinking about it too much since it is an unknown for me. I just watched "Mamma Mia" on DVD. Sang along with the music and feel a bit better now. It's hard to stay upbeat when you feel bad, but music helps me. Thinking of you.

    No answers but
    I've started yoga and it helps me to feel better, relieves stress, and helps me sleep better. I'm further along in my journey but had wanted to do this and then found an article in "Cure" magazine about how yoga helps cancer patients and survivors. YOu have to get in the right class (gentle) and with the right instructor and maybe it wouldn't help you right now but it's something to think about.

    I'm sending warm wishes, cyber hugs, and prayers!
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #8
    skipper54 said:

    No answers but
    I've started yoga and it helps me to feel better, relieves stress, and helps me sleep better. I'm further along in my journey but had wanted to do this and then found an article in "Cure" magazine about how yoga helps cancer patients and survivors. YOu have to get in the right class (gentle) and with the right instructor and maybe it wouldn't help you right now but it's something to think about.

    I'm sending warm wishes, cyber hugs, and prayers!

    I also did things I
    I also did things I enjoyued, pedis, massage. etc.. i was good to me!
  • poplolly
    poplolly Member Posts: 346
    #9
    It was really irritating to
    It was really irritating to me for my friends to tell me I was so strong. I'd be ok....they had no idea what I was going through. And I DID NOT feel strong. I'm better now but I still lack some of the spark I used to have. I know it's normal and I know it gets better. Maybe all you can do is acknowledge the times you're down and then try to find something to occupy your mind. (Hard to do when you're feeling sick)

    I hate cancer--


    Judy
  • lizzie17
    lizzie17 Member Posts: 548
    #10
    I feel your pain
    I also am a teacher, but went back to work before I was supposed to. Somehow, I "assumed" that since my doctor knew that I was a teacher, he also knew the school year was starting. He never released me, and I think I would have healed better if I had the additional time I needed.
    I was so very tired during the day, especially after about halfway thru the day, it is a wonder that I was able to do what I did.

    I pray you find a workable solution so that your health can come first.
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #11
    lizzie17 said:

    I feel your pain
    I also am a teacher, but went back to work before I was supposed to. Somehow, I "assumed" that since my doctor knew that I was a teacher, he also knew the school year was starting. He never released me, and I think I would have healed better if I had the additional time I needed.
    I was so very tired during the day, especially after about halfway thru the day, it is a wonder that I was able to do what I did.

    I pray you find a workable solution so that your health can come first.

    stayingstrong ... We can relate .. no matter what time of day
    it may be .. what part of our treatment we may in, or what part of the healing process we are in.
    All we WARRIORS have to do is just look out the window and see that everyone we know, neighbors, family, friends, coworkers don't have that dark cloud lurking behind our shoulder.

    No one knows our fears, no one understands our moods. If we work too long cleaning, or gardening -- we worry about every ache and pain that lingers longer than 2 days. If we get hurt, or have a wound that does not heal quickly -- we worry. If our period last longer than 7 days .. we worry about bleeding out, low iron and fatigue.

    So I say 'hell' with those who think we should just get over ourselves and breast cancer -- They Have NOT walked in our heels, so they will never KNOW the pain or anguish we WARRIORS, share.

    We are STRONG, We are VICTORIOUS, and we are here to STAY.

    Just my humble opinion.

    Vicki Sam
  • dbhadra
    dbhadra Member Posts: 344 Member
    #12
    lizzie17 said:

    I feel your pain
    I also am a teacher, but went back to work before I was supposed to. Somehow, I "assumed" that since my doctor knew that I was a teacher, he also knew the school year was starting. He never released me, and I think I would have healed better if I had the additional time I needed.
    I was so very tired during the day, especially after about halfway thru the day, it is a wonder that I was able to do what I did.

    I pray you find a workable solution so that your health can come first.

    Struggling with some of the same issues
    And I just wanted to say that I hear you...I've also been really down lately. It's a struggle day by day for me right now. I try to hold onto the thought that " this too shall pass" but hard when you are right in the middle of it.

    And yes, I don't want any non-cancer people telling me to stay positive and stay strong!

    Laura
  • CypressCynthia
    CypressCynthia Member Posts: 4,014 Member
    #13
    Hope this helps
    I work and I love my strong sooo much, but I have thought a lot about what would happen if I am told I can't work fulltime or I am unable to work. I made up my mind to head to HR first thing and find out all of my options. Such as applying for disability, etc. If you don't get good answers with them (or maybe in addition to talking with them), I would call ACS and see if they can help.

    Here is a link from the ACS:

    Taking Charge of Money Matters

    http://www.cancer.org/Treatment/FindingandPayingforTreatment/UnderstandingFinancialandLegalMatters/TakingChargeofMoneyMatters/index
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #14
    so sorry...day by day is the
    so sorry...day by day is the only way...for me..I did not have chemo so didn't have to deal with vomiting etc...I can totally understand not wanting to talk to your boss!

    I'll be sending good thoughts...your way

    Denise
  • missrenee
    missrenee Member Posts: 2,136 Member
    #15
    disneyfan2008 said:

    so sorry...day by day is the
    so sorry...day by day is the only way...for me..I did not have chemo so didn't have to deal with vomiting etc...I can totally understand not wanting to talk to your boss!

    I'll be sending good thoughts...your way

    Denise

    Oh, sweetie--we've all been there
    Some people should just shut up and be good listeners. I hated those tactless, ignorant comments. I know most people just don't know what to say or think they're saying the right thing--but geeesh--shut up already!

    I found it much easier on me to screen all my phone calls. I knew which people would lift me up and which would either aggravate the h*** out of me or make me feel worse.

    I love what New Flower said about watching comedies. I love old movies and I watched a ton during that time. I found I could really escape--even better than reading.

    I wish you the best and send you tons of positive energy to get back on track.

    Hugs, Renee
  • mollieb
    mollieb Member Posts: 148
    #16
    I wish there were some
    I wish there were some "magic words" you could say to make yourself feel more positive. Sometimes I just stick it out and I eventually start feeling better. There's no rhyme or reason. I do agree with the suggestion to "act happy," as my mother used to say. Sometimes it works. But don't put too many demands on yourself -- just act happy for part of the day, to start.

    I am really, really sorry about your work conundrum. I am working part time and my employer has been simply amazing, but there are many days I still wish I could just stay home and rest. Can you ask your HR department (or union rep, if you're in a teachers union) about making reasonable accommodations? "Disability" was just redefined to include cancer, and even if you are not covered by the ADA directly, your job may be subject to something like it.
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #17
    The Kindreds are so spot on,
    The Kindreds are so spot on, aren't they??! This is just the most informative, supportive site for everything we ever seem to need!

    I therefore have nothing to share which hasn't already been given to you by these amazing women...except for maybe one thing! We have ALL been on the Pity Pot at one time or another during this journey we never wanted to take. I have been the Queen of Pity from time to time~ and there is one rule you need to know. Beautiful as the Queen's crown is, and as comfy as that Pity Pot is~ you cannot keep either of them! We have to pass them around~ it makes us feel better to not be the Queen, especially when others need to assume the royal lifestyle! We sooooo "get it" here on CSN~ we expect nothing from you other than how you honestly feel~ and there is no crime in feeling overwhelmed and that this is all too much on some days.

    The emotional toll on us is oftentimes just as difficult as the physical....take advantage of any and all help ( physical, emotional, financial) that is out there! And your days absolutely WILL get better!!! And when they do~ pass the Crown on to the next Kindred!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥

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