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After 25 years NED having a biopsy on a lymph node tomorrow, sigh.

bluerose's picture
bluerose
Posts: 1092
Joined: Jul 2009

Awwww nuts. Grrrrr, and words I am not allowed to type in here.

Sometimes it feels like it just never ends, know the feeling? I am not complaining, well okay I am but I have had a long long shtick without cancer and am praying this wayward lymph node (apparently nodes in the breast are rare but it does happen and usually means nothing) won't ruin my track record.

Over the years I have had a few scares, mostly in the last 7 years, but never a lump or something that needs biopsy like this stupid node. I fought long and hard for them to give me ultrasounds instead of mammograms because I have too much nerve damage from my chemo drugs during my treatments and I'm sure the total body radiation didn't help things either. With all the treatments it has been a miracle I haven't had a secondary cancer after my NHL diagnosies but lucky I am. I'm praying that continues.

Many of us have experienced this merrygoround of diagnosis, symptoms, worrying, waiting, praying and then getting on with life only to have some other worrisome symptom occur and we are off again. Wish I had a fix for this cycle that sometimes seems neverending.

Still I count my blessings and many times on these boards have mentioned seeing my daughter get married and finish university and my son find his career and begin to settle down plus many other amazing situations in my life that have happened during my long survival period from this nasty disease. I was allowed to stick around and see it all and for that I am truly greatful.

I don't want to talk like this is another recurrance and that NED time is over because I really don't have that kind of fear that happens when we find a lump and wonder 'is it back?' I remember distinctly that when I found my first lump, I wasn't thinking it was cancer as I was so shocked there was a lump, but there was this jolt of a kind of electricity that went through me when I first touched the lump. Same thing happened when I found the second one under my left breast. That same type of jolt didn't hit me when they found this node on ultrasound so I am praying that means something positive.

Interesting thing though is that I had to fight tooth and nail to be allowed to have ultrasounds instead of mammograms because I had nerve damage from the treatments and mammograms are too painful. I went through hell trying to convince the docs that I needed to be screened like all other women and if ultrasounds are the only way then so be it. I won, finally, and it was the ultrasound that picked up the node. Lesson: If you think and feel very strongly about something concerning your health then stick to it and fight to get it taken seriously. We have to be our own advocates and have the right to discuss the pros and cons and what does and doesn't work for us as individuals and if our doctors won't help us or believe in us then we have to try other docs who are more willing to accept us as individuals and believe in us as much as we must believe in them.

I am trying to hold a good thought and keep positive about this wayward lymph node. I will keep busy today, the biopsy is tomorrow afternoon, and continue to pray.

Just needed to vent, thanks for listening.

Blessings to you and yours.

Bluerose

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

Sending you my prayers and best wishes that biopsy comes back negative. Your positive outlook, your courage to fight for what is right, your faith, these I believe, are the qualities that have drawn me to you since I joined this site. I also believe that they are the reasons why you remain strong!

Take care, dear one. Please let us know how you are doing.

Lucy

bluerose's picture
bluerose
Posts: 1092
Joined: Jul 2009

Thanks for the kind words Lucy, I appreciate them. I guess we do what we have to do when faced with fears and that long waiting game, everyone has different coping mechanisms I suppose.

Like I said before though I don't have that same reaction to this issue with this node as compared to the recurrance and initial diagnosis so I am praying that means this is okay. The docs and tech said it showed no sign of being benign. Let's hope they are right.

Thanks for your prayers. I believe strongly in the power of group prayer and your prayers are included in the group on this site that are praying for me too. Thank you Lucy.

Blessings,

Bluerose

bluerose's picture
bluerose
Posts: 1092
Joined: Jul 2009

Thanks for your prayers, THEY WORKED.

I had the most bizarre experience yesterday at the biopsy. The doctor of radiation came in to do the biopsy, took one look at it and said 'I'm not going to biopsy this, it's nothing'. lol. WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTT??????????? I couldn't believe what I had heard. My GP and both the technicians said it would be better to biopsy, given my history, but he said that he read all my history and even with that it was nothing. Wow. I was glad, of course, to hear that, but shocked. I got dressed and left.

Some doctors ooze confidence and this one did. I have no qualms about believing in him and plus he said that he compared the node to the one in the finding a few months back and it hadn't changed one bit which is further proof it's just a regular node hanging around in my boob. lol. He said that he sees them in the breasts of women sometimes but usually they aren't in the breast tissue but their presence means nothing most times.

So I dodged a bullet there Lucy, thanks for your prayers, I know they helped.

Hope this response finds you doing well.

Blessings,

Bluerose

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

Of all the times I've had questionable films, and the whole time Dennis was battling the lung cancer, this is the most fantastic event I've heard of! I am so happy for you. I know your positive attitude going in was a big contributor, but it is always beautiful to hear it from the docs!

I am doing well, thank you so much for asking. Now, go out and celebrate it the way that brings you the most joy!

Blessings to you,

Lucy

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

Of all the times I've had questionable films, and the whole time Dennis was battling the lung cancer, this is the most fantastic event I've heard of! I am so happy for you. I know your positive attitude going in was a big contributor, but it is always beautiful to hear it from the docs!

I am doing well, thank you so much for asking. Now, go out and celebrate it the way that brings you the most joy!

Blessings to you,

Lucy

bluerose's picture
bluerose
Posts: 1092
Joined: Jul 2009

I did celebrate yesterday. I went out and bought 2 lottery tickets, the nurse said I was lucky to get out of the biopsy and maybe go get a lottery ticket so I did. lol. I also went out to an antique/collectible shop and browsed around and found a gorgeous vintage mirror for my hallway and a nice tray to match it and a vintage standing cigarette ashtray with a proceline cat statue on it. lol. Sounds tacky but it's just tacky enough to be cool. 50ties I think it is. I just moved into a new apartment with a great river view so these things will look great in here.

Just got back from my GP's so really tired, think I need a nap. Talk to you later and thanks for the kind words.

All the best Lucy.

Hugs,
Bluerose

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