Jul 09, 2011 - 12:45 pm
It's been 3 months since my mom's diagnosis of Stage IV NSCLC, EGFR positive. Doc says without treatment 6 months, with treatment maybe 14 months. She is 78 yrs old and a never smoker. She is currently in treatment taking Tarceva. She is doing ok despite lack of some appetite. Sometimes she has the energy to go to the gym or do her gardening a few days a week.
My dad is her primary caregiver and I take over when my dad asks me to. The problem is my mother does not want me involved in her care whatsoever, she does not want me to accompany her to doctor's appointments. Whenever I ask if there's anything I can do for her like cook her favorite foods, or if she needs something she says, "Call your dad to come up here" or "dad will do it". She doesn't want me to spend too much time visiting her. I just got married 2 months ago and all she says is, "You're married now. Pay attention to your husband not me, you have your own family now." I didn't even want to go on my honeymoon because I wanted to stay with her but she urged me to go, she even paid for it. I could only stand to be away for 4 days and I wasn't enjoying myself anyway because I kept checking my phone.
I want to spend quality time with her but she won't let me, I want to help out my dad because I know how hard it is. I'm afraid for him as well, he may burnout. I don't know what to do or say to her. She expects me to just go off and continue to live my own life as if it were normal. How can I go on and live my life as if nothing has happened?
I don't know what to do. I want to there for my mom but she pushes me away. It hurts so much that every time she boots me out of the house, I cry (not in front of her of course).