feel like half a woman

dmdudra
dmdudra Member Posts: 50
in Breast Cancer #1
I had my left mastectomy on June 24th.. I look down at my body when I am in the shower and I feel like I am half a woman... My man that has been with me for almost 4 years now and through this with me for two years says he loves me with or without breast.. but he does not understand how it is with us women...men judge us by our rack, boobs, tatas, melons and so on... women do not do that to men..well the good news is in 6-9 months I can go get reconstructive surgery done..was told that since the womens health act of 1998 that if your insurance covers mastectomy it should cover reconstructive surgery.. good to know... and it is about making me feel complete again.. sorry I feel this way but I do... I did not think any less of my mom when she had her mastectomy some 20+ years ago..but I do me... any thought ladies...
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Comments

  • CypressCynthia
    CypressCynthia Member Posts: 4,014 Member
    #2
    There is a grieving after
    There is a grieving after all of the surgeries. I remember staring in front of a mirror at age 33 and realling sobbing. My husband never seemed to be less attracted to me, so that really, really helped.

    Reconstruction helps. But I have found for me, the most important thing is to dress up a little (which for me can be just putting on lip gloss ;-) and pretend like I'm "all there."

    The amazing thing is it really works; I think most of being attractive is feeling good about ourselves. As you already observed, you didn't feel differently about your mom and I think most good guys don't care either. So go out there and hold your head high, because I bet, especially after all that you have been through, you are more special and beautiful than ever!
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #3
    so sorry....I had lumpectomy
    so sorry....I had lumpectomy and still it took me over 3-4 wks to even look...I am happy your insurance will cover reconstruction...it should of course..but we all know how insurance works..

    I HOPE YOU feel better-I have said this many times before..but try journal...I DID 2 of them through my surgery, radiation etc..and really helped..when I was writting I THOUGHT IT was stupid..but did it since it was suggested....in hind sight great help...
  • grams2jc
    grams2jc Member Posts: 756
    #4
    Had my left mast 11/5/10
    I understand what your feelings are and agree that it is weird to look down at only 1/2 a "set". My tummy isn't huge but it throws me to see it stick out farther than the left side of my chest like it did back before puberty. I haven't started reconstruction and truly have mixed emotions about it. It sure would be nice to be matched up again but there are days when I'm not sure another surgery or surgeries is worth it. Also, with a good bra (though I haven't found any cute ones) and prosthesis the only people who know you only have one breast are you and your man... unless you want to share that info. As the t-shirt says "One is real, one is fake....Guess"

    Jennifer
  • poplolly
    poplolly Member Posts: 346
    #5
    I feel the same way. I
    I feel the same way. I didn't have reconstructive surgery because I was afraid I was going to have a recurrence, and with my type of cancer that's still a possibility. And I just didn't want more surgery. But I basically think you should do what will make YOU feel good. I wish you the very best in all this and I'll send up prayers for you as well.
  • deeb111
    deeb111 Member Posts: 141 Member
    #6
    I did not have mastectomy
    I did not have mastectomy but had bilateral reduction with nipple graft and i know how you feel cause i no longer feel anything that a women should feel from her breast and what i do feel is only discomfort and look in mirror and see scarring I know im not suppose to feel this way either but my breast were always a big part of who I was even looking in mirror knowing I have my breast just in a different way but I remind myself everyday how lucky I am for all the good things and not focus on the bad so allow yourself to feel the loss but always remind yourself of all the good that will help to keep you focused on what is important
  • pratt
    pratt Member Posts: 16
    #7
    There are woman out there that are not half the woman you are
    Your breast are not what makes you a beautiful woman. Maybe some shallow men do judge us by our breast. You have a man that loves you the way you are- A Woman!
  • Folliculitis Horse
    Folliculitis Horse Member Posts: 8
    #8
    I had a mastectomy in 2004
    I had a mastectomy in 2004 and called myself Frankenboob for a while. In fact, I fainted in the shower the first time I washed the new surgical sight. A year later, after the reconstruction surgery I actually began to feel sexually liberated. Sure I couldn't get the sensation back, but while all the other women in the neighborhood were complaining about their sagging boobs I didn't need a bra and showed more clevage than I had ever done in my life. Make sure they do surgery to make the other healthy breast match your implant. They can give you a lift or other proceedure but that too will come with its downsides (lack of sensation while the surgical sight heals) -- but if you are going under anyhow, any good plastic surgeon will tell you that's the best chance to make sure with the girls match! Very important if you ever want to wear a simple t-shirt or turtle neck again - or show clevage. You'll be great! Congratulations on being brave, surviving the surgery and being vocal about your fears and needs. It is healthy and I applaud you.
  • helen e
    helen e Member Posts: 223
    #9
    sometimes it doesn't matter
    I had immediate tram flap reconstruction after my left mastectomy. It took a long time for me to stop hating my new breast. There was a while where I just wanted them to go in and take it off. I understood that it was not the breast I was angry with because if it wasn't there I would still feel the same way. I have finally stopped hating it - the plastic surgeon did an amazing job, wish my real one looked as good - but I still haven't embraced it yet. I had the surgery in 12/09.

    One other note, my insurance has covered all 6 of my surgeries and my tattooing.
  • cctiz
    cctiz Member Posts: 47
    #10
    Normal Feeling
    The most beautiful side of every woman is her breasts - big, small, no matter how they are, we stare@ them in front of the mirror and they sure are simply the best part of us, GORGEOUS! so, we can understand you, but you have to start looking at yourself in a different way, as a warrior and a survivor, we are different, we are battling with cancer and that makes us so special and proud. Is true our breasts are not pretty anymore but we are alive for our men who love us the way we are. Moreover, this trial in life makes our husbands to love us ten thousand times more. My husband adores me way more than before i was diagnosed and we have incredible intimicy, so we embrace you and wish you a speed recovery and don't worry too much about "them"
  • mamolady
    mamolady Member Posts: 796 Member
    #11
    If your child were, for some
    If your child were, for some reason, to have a piece of their body taken away, you would sit them down and explain that piece of them is not who they are. They are more than the sum of their parts. That who they really are is on the inside not on the outside.
    I can't say I am comfortable with out my breasts. (Not yet) But they are not what defines me as a woman. I am sure what you have is more than enough woman for your man.

    Cindy
  • poeticrevolver
    poeticrevolver Member Posts: 7
    #12
    About to have a double masectomy, and scared.
    I am a newbie here. I am facing soon a double masectomy, according to the first surgeon I have seen.
    I already went through a lumpectomy last year, actually in June. Already , not even a year later, I am having issues.
    I am scared I will feel so different about myself. I also just finished chemo for Hodgkins last month.
    So, I have gained lots of weight from the steroids, lost my hair, (2ft of it) and now facing loosing both breasts. Truly shocking!

    I am praying the Lord will get me through. I'm also concerned that I may have to go through chemo for the bc this time.

    Feeling confused, and not sure which way to go with this, especially when it comes to reconstruction. My ins. does cover it. So, that's good. But, I have already had several , major surgeries due to cancer, and do I really want to go through all of what this will entail?

    Is it worth it ladies?

    With Love to you all,

    J
  • Dot53
    Dot53 Member Posts: 239 Member
    #13
    Hi
    I had a double mastectomy with reconstruction in December 2009.. I don't look at it as being half a woman because I would much rather give up my breasts than my life.. of course I miss the "twins" but my doctor strongly recommended I remove both.... it has been a very emotional journey so I understand how you are feeling...

    Once you begin reconstruction your self image will improve.. try not to be so hard on yourself it will get better..

    Take care..
    Hugs,
    Dot
  • laughs_a_lot
    laughs_a_lot Member Posts: 1,368 Member
    #14
    maybe we need a different perspective
    If we are able to go through this fight for our lives and still come out of it being still attracted to our partner I would think that it makes us more of a woman. We use what we have left and make the most of it.

    I had a t shirt before bc that had a picture of a nun on it. The saying below it was, "I'm too sexy for this habit". Several weeks after my surgery I put that same shirt on and looked at my husband and said, "I am still too sexy for this habit". Sure I don't look the same but I still feel the same and perhaps it is because I was able to claim it early on.

    If our partner needed to have an operation to repair a hernia, would we think of him as somehow weaker of a man or damaged? Not me. I would be glad that a few weeks after surgery that he was ready for intimacy.
  • Ritzy
    Ritzy Member Posts: 4,381 Member
    #15
    CypressCynthia said:

    There is a grieving after
    There is a grieving after all of the surgeries. I remember staring in front of a mirror at age 33 and realling sobbing. My husband never seemed to be less attracted to me, so that really, really helped.

    Reconstruction helps. But I have found for me, the most important thing is to dress up a little (which for me can be just putting on lip gloss ;-) and pretend like I'm "all there."

    The amazing thing is it really works; I think most of being attractive is feeling good about ourselves. As you already observed, you didn't feel differently about your mom and I think most good guys don't care either. So go out there and hold your head high, because I bet, especially after all that you have been through, you are more special and beautiful than ever!

    Having a lumpectomy, there
    Having a lumpectomy, there is no way I can understand how you feel. It is horrible what we have to do to our bodies in order to rid ourselves of bc. It isn't fair, not at all. But, we do get thru it, and, we do go on to live full and happy lives.

    With that being said, try not to be so hard on yourself. I think when you have reconstruction, you will feel a lot different. It seems so many on here do.

    You are a beautiful woman! Don't forget that!


    Sue :)
  • Angie2U
    Angie2U Member Posts: 2,991
    #16
    helen e said:

    sometimes it doesn't matter
    I had immediate tram flap reconstruction after my left mastectomy. It took a long time for me to stop hating my new breast. There was a while where I just wanted them to go in and take it off. I understood that it was not the breast I was angry with because if it wasn't there I would still feel the same way. I have finally stopped hating it - the plastic surgeon did an amazing job, wish my real one looked as good - but I still haven't embraced it yet. I had the surgery in 12/09.

    One other note, my insurance has covered all 6 of my surgeries and my tattooing.

    I'm so sorry that you are
    I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way, but, it is totally understandable. I hope that after your reconstruction, you will start to feel better about yourself, physically and emotionally.

    Sending cyber hugs,

    Angie
  • Clementine_P
    Clementine_P Member Posts: 518 Member
    #17
    CypressCynthia said:

    There is a grieving after
    There is a grieving after all of the surgeries. I remember staring in front of a mirror at age 33 and realling sobbing. My husband never seemed to be less attracted to me, so that really, really helped.

    Reconstruction helps. But I have found for me, the most important thing is to dress up a little (which for me can be just putting on lip gloss ;-) and pretend like I'm "all there."

    The amazing thing is it really works; I think most of being attractive is feeling good about ourselves. As you already observed, you didn't feel differently about your mom and I think most good guys don't care either. So go out there and hold your head high, because I bet, especially after all that you have been through, you are more special and beautiful than ever!

    Cynthia, your
    responses are always so measured, thoughtful and uplifting! Everytime I see that you have responded to a thread, I know that I will come away with more information than I had before and an even handed outlook as well. I just wanted to thank you for that.

    Best,
    Clementine
  • Ritzy
    Ritzy Member Posts: 4,381 Member
    #18
    poeticrevolver said:

    About to have a double masectomy, and scared.
    I am a newbie here. I am facing soon a double masectomy, according to the first surgeon I have seen.
    I already went through a lumpectomy last year, actually in June. Already , not even a year later, I am having issues.
    I am scared I will feel so different about myself. I also just finished chemo for Hodgkins last month.
    So, I have gained lots of weight from the steroids, lost my hair, (2ft of it) and now facing loosing both breasts. Truly shocking!

    I am praying the Lord will get me through. I'm also concerned that I may have to go through chemo for the bc this time.

    Feeling confused, and not sure which way to go with this, especially when it comes to reconstruction. My ins. does cover it. So, that's good. But, I have already had several , major surgeries due to cancer, and do I really want to go through all of what this will entail?

    Is it worth it ladies?

    With Love to you all,

    J

    J, I am so sorry that you
    J, I am so sorry that you have to even be faced with this again. My heart goes out to you. Please know that the pink sisters are all praying for you.


    Sue :)
  • zahalene
    zahalene Member Posts: 670
    #19
    laughs_a_lot said:

    maybe we need a different perspective
    If we are able to go through this fight for our lives and still come out of it being still attracted to our partner I would think that it makes us more of a woman. We use what we have left and make the most of it.

    I had a t shirt before bc that had a picture of a nun on it. The saying below it was, "I'm too sexy for this habit". Several weeks after my surgery I put that same shirt on and looked at my husband and said, "I am still too sexy for this habit". Sure I don't look the same but I still feel the same and perhaps it is because I was able to claim it early on.

    If our partner needed to have an operation to repair a hernia, would we think of him as somehow weaker of a man or damaged? Not me. I would be glad that a few weeks after surgery that he was ready for intimacy.

    I so agree...
    I had one breast removed in 1986 and the other in 1988...no recon.
    As of July 3, I am officially a 25 year survivor.
    And I would not have missed the life I am living now for ANYTHING.
    I am 63, with a man who loves me in spite of my 'breastless' condition (not the man I was married to at the time), and living every day as I choose (for the most part of course).
    The perspective I have now has been dearly won and not an easy win either, but from where I stand now I can see that the past is what it is and it is up to me to do what I can with today and all my future days. Choices. I choose to LIVE.

    PS...The man who loves me just asked me to tell you all that there is so much more to a woman than her breasts and he wishes you all well.
  • Kylez
    Kylez Member Posts: 3,761 Member
    #20
    Dot53 said:

    Hi
    I had a double mastectomy with reconstruction in December 2009.. I don't look at it as being half a woman because I would much rather give up my breasts than my life.. of course I miss the "twins" but my doctor strongly recommended I remove both.... it has been a very emotional journey so I understand how you are feeling...

    Once you begin reconstruction your self image will improve.. try not to be so hard on yourself it will get better..

    Take care..
    Hugs,
    Dot

    I am hoping and praying that
    I am hoping and praying that soon you will feel better about yourself. I am so sorry that you ever had to even deal with this. I pray for a cure daily!

    Keep posting to update us on how you are. Your pink sisters all love you!


    Hugs, Kylez
  • cavediver
    cavediver Member Posts: 607
    #21
    thought for a while what to
    thought for a while what to say if anything. I have had a mastectomy and chose to not go through reconstruction and am ok with that. But, I am sorry that you feel the way you do..but then again, there is that choice for reconstruction for you and that may be a good choice for you. Hopefully you will find strength within you to realize you are so much more than the physical outside.........but I understand that reconstruciton is so very important to many women and that is ok. Just know that you are loved and accepted.....you are alive and here! Give yourself time to accept what life has delt you........it sucks, I know, but it is what it is and you are so much more than just appearance. But do what is right for you and we are all here to support you! Hugs

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