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And so the countdown begins...

DaughterDearest's picture
DaughterDearest
Posts: 22
Joined: Dec 2010

I'm going to make this short. I can't see straight, I'm crying too much.

The Oncologist said my father is nearing the end of his life...2-3 weeks left...4 weeks will be a blessing.

The cancer has spread everywhere, including his brain.

My father requires 24/7 care. He can't even make it to the washroom downstairs without almost falling over. He tried to make it by himself this morning but fell and hit the wall. I woke up to a loud thud and him calling out for help. Luckily he didn't hit his head.

He's also very incoherent and stutters a lot. It's devastating to witness your once strong, independent father go downhill so fast.

He looks much worse than he did even one week ago, so I know it's not much longer now.

He does not want to die in the hospital, so he has chosen to remain at home.

What's also devastating is that my dad still thinks he has time left. On the way back from the Oncologist today, he asked me when his next chemo treatment is.

I told him I'm not sure because they want him to regain his strength first.

It broke my heart to lie, but I couldn't tell him they sent him home to die... :-(

And the tears continues flowing.

Faithful_Angel's picture
Faithful_Angel
Posts: 88
Joined: May 2011

I'm so sorry hun for your heartache. I know all too well what you are going through. It's like mirror images for us. It's the reason I haven't been posting much, It's been so depressing to even come to the boards. My heart goes out to you, and you know you can call on me anytime.

Big Hugs and lots of prayers..

sue5749
Posts: 170
Joined: Dec 2010

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through! You and your Dad will me in my thoughts and prayers! My husband is fighting the BEAST also, and I do know how very hard it is! I am crying with you! Try and take care the best you can! Sue

DaughterDearest's picture
DaughterDearest
Posts: 22
Joined: Dec 2010

Thank you everyone...

I honestly haven't stopped crying for 5 hours now. I wipe my tears to go down and look after my father, then I'm right back to crying again when I'm in private.

I'm absolutely devastated.

My father is such an amazing man. He's never done wrong to anyone. He's always joking with strangers. People in my neighborhood know and love him. He has been my rock ever since my mother passed away, and now I'm losing him.

I know life will go on and I'll eventually learn to smile again (that's what my dad wants), but it's going to be Hell in the meantime.

:-(

karenbeth's picture
karenbeth
Posts: 194
Joined: Sep 2010

I'm so sorry to hear about your father. I know how difficult this is. He sounds like a wonderful man, and you are a wonderful daughter for taking such good care of him. Hugs.
Karen

tanker sgv's picture
tanker sgv
Posts: 128
Joined: Nov 2010

you did not lie to your dad, you did the hard thing and reconized the reality of what is happing and you protected his QUALITY of life. that is thinking and acting with your heart; trust me i made the mistake of telling my mom the facts until i realized that i was hurting the Quality of what life she had left. You are entering the new and hardest stage of the caregiving process witch is following the wishes of your dad and respecting his final time to give him the honor he deserves. thanks for setting an example to all on how to be such a good and thoughtful daughter/son

ButterflyLake's picture
ButterflyLake
Posts: 44
Joined: May 2011

I got the call at five p.m. tonight that my mom is transitioning soon. Her decline has been rapid in 24 hours. We are in a days-to-weeks situation as well. Tears have been flowing here too.

I pray that your father has a peaceful transition at home. I will be thinking of, and praying for, you and yours.

Faithful_Angel's picture
Faithful_Angel
Posts: 88
Joined: May 2011

My dad is as well entering the final stage. The cancer has invaded his brain, and made him very "agitated to put it mildly" I personally think he is holding on till wednesday his 58th birthday...he keeps saying if i can only make it till then.. He seems to think it will make a difference in possible survivors benefits for my mom.. Today has been a really bad day for me. He's been so angry and lashing out that i can't do anything right. tomorrow i will be calling into hospice and getting some advice.

I pray for both of you. It just breaks my heart we are all going through this.

DaughterDearest's picture
DaughterDearest
Posts: 22
Joined: Dec 2010

Oh my goodness, everyone, I am so sorry to hear you guys are in the same boat as I am. :-(

This absolutely breaks my heart to read. *hugs to everyone*

I've (thankfully) been able to take some time off work to be a 24/7 caregiver to my father. He has chosen to remain at home opposed to living out his final days in the hospital. To be honest, I was hoping he would remain at home. I want to be the one to take care of him and make sure he's comfortable and feels loved. I'm sure they'd be nothing but supportive and kind to him at the Palliative Care Unit, but there's nothing like family. I have help from Hospice if I need it and have a nurse on call for me 24/7, so a little peace of mind there.

My mother also passed away at home, so this is almost like deja-vu for me, unfortunately.

I send nothing but love, strength, peace, and hope to everyone here. Let the tears flow.

We will see brighter days.

Faithful_Angel's picture
Faithful_Angel
Posts: 88
Joined: May 2011

How are you hanging in? I know it's been rough *the understatement of the year* I hope that you are focusing on yourself as well during this stressful time. Make sure you get plenty of rest, eat well, and take a hot bath once in awhile it's amazing the difference it makes. You will be no good to your dad if you let yourself get run down. I was thinking of you so thought I would send you a short note.

As for my dad, he's sleeping alot more, moving alot less, Not able to eat anything. We are maintaining his feedings right now. Wednesday is his 58th birthday Im praying he gets through it. Seems like one day he is all but gone the next shows a little bit of promise. I hate this roller coaster :-( I want off please.

I hope you can find the peace that you need during this time you are in my thoughts and prayers *hugs*

DaughterDearest's picture
DaughterDearest
Posts: 22
Joined: Dec 2010

I'm hangin' in as well as I can be, I suppose.

Today seems like it was a busy day, although it wasn't really. Maybe a little.

We had my father's funeral arrangements finalized today. Thankfully they were able to make a house call; there's no way my dad would have been able to venture out. It was definitely very difficult to talk about, but I do have a little piece of mind knowing that part is taken care of and paid for. The lady who visited us was very kind and comforting. I'm grateful for their compassion.

My dad now has to use a commode, as well. Using the bathroom in our house takes way too much out of him. He told me he's sorry for having to make me clean it...ha. Silly guy. Yes, it's a little icky, but that's life! Plus I'm the primary caregiver. You do what you have to do.

I just feel overwhelmed with everything. Everything is happening so soon. I thought we'd have another few months left. I never expected the Oncologist to say 2-4 weeks. *sigh*

I'm taking "me" time, but I've been told today that I look tired. I felt okay, but I guess my appearance is saying otherwise. I really can't help it. I don't sleep well at all. Tossing and turning because I'm so scared he's going to die overnight and I won't be there to hold his hand and tell him it's okay to let go.

:-(

How are you holding up? And everyone else here?

I've been thinking of you guys constantly!

*hug*

ButterflyLake's picture
ButterflyLake
Posts: 44
Joined: May 2011

I've been sitting with mom during the days, and letting hospice care for her at night. I don't think she will let go until she is alone.

It has been so beautiful and so tranquil. Today is a year to the day since her diagnosis. I feel nothing but grateful.

Apparently, I look like hell too, because the nurses keep telling me to take a nap. I think I should probably slap on some concealer and blush tomorrow. n

Love to you and yours as they transition.

karenbeth's picture
karenbeth
Posts: 194
Joined: Sep 2010

Today is a year to the day since my husband's diagnosis as well. He passed at the end of April. I have been thinking about that awful time last July all day today.
Like you, I sat with Frank all day and slept while the hospice nurse watched over him, although she could never get me to sleep in the bedroom, I slept on the couch near his hospital bed. I have to say I will always treasure those last weeks and days, spending so much time with him. You are right, it is beautiful.
Love to you and all of you going through this right now. I will think of you all tonite and light a candle for you and your loved ones.

Peace,
Karen

ButterflyLake's picture
ButterflyLake
Posts: 44
Joined: May 2011

I just said a big prayer for Frank and you and yours.

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