Son having a hard time supporting his mom because he dont know the pain she is feeling

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Malone35
Malone35 Member Posts: 3
in Breast Cancer #1
Hi My mother has beaten breast cancer twice and just recently found out the lump on her breast could be round #3. I did all I could both times by going to the doctor visits and asking questions. I was there when she needed me. The problem I have is she goes through this withdrawal stage where she doesnt want anybody around and wants to be alone but when we give her space, she feels alone and it becomes a stressful thing and hard to bare at times. I don't know what it is like to have breast cancer and lose one of them either.. All I know is I am a son who love his mother but don't how to support a person that rejects the love and support. What do I do?

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  • robang13
    robang13 Member Posts: 333
    #2
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    Just talk to her. Let her
    Just talk to her. Let her know you are there for her when she needs you. and listen! Good luck to you and your mom.

    angela
  • LoveBabyJesus
    LoveBabyJesus Member Posts: 1,679 Member
    #3
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    This is a difficult time for
    This is a difficult time for your mom. If it is the third round, I am sure she feels confused, frustrated and scared. But even though she wants to be alone, you must always be there for her. (I am the same way - I like to handle things alone.) You simply listen to her, always. Remind her from time to time that you are there. Remind her that she beat it twice already, and this is no different. Tell her she will be OK. It's always good to declare positive things out-loud. When she wants space, give it to her - but remember to come back again and say she is not alone, ever.

    You are a good son. Please keep us posted on how she is doing. Please.

    God bless you and your mom.
  • mamolady
    mamolady Member Posts: 796 Member
    #4
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    support group
    You may want to find a support group for caregivers. Your mom is not the only one going through this. It may help you find what you need to help her. There may be ideas you wouldn't think of or it may just be a place you can vent so you don't have a melt down at a time when it could cause a strain between you and your mom.
    As for your mom, this is tough even the first go around. I can't imagine the 3rd go around. It is tough to explain to someone that doesn't have cancer but you do go through all the grieving stages. (not in any particular order) Give her time to process this too.
    It is wonderful that you are working so hard to support her. Just keep it up, you will find the way that works for both of you.

    Cindy
  • sea60
    sea60 Member Posts: 2,613
    #5
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    Having to fight once
    is traumatic, but twice or more, is just devastating. So many feelings and emotions just overwhelm you that at times, it's just too much. I have a son as well and I love him dearly. I think you're an awesome son to post this so you can try and understand.

    You didn't mention your age so I'm not sure if you live at home with her or not. But during the times when she feels isolated and pushes people back, maybe you can send short simple messages via post-its, cards, e-mails, text messages telling her that you're thinking about her. That you love her and you're there for her. I can guarantee you, that will help.

    Cancer is the ultimate assault on your body, mind and spirit. Maybe you can get her a devotional book at a store to read daily. They have them there. In fact, we were at a Christian book store and my sister ask one of the young men there what he would recommend to a friend with breast cancer. He said his Mom had gone through it and he bought her a Devotional book that was specifically for women going through breast cancer. I spoke to my friend recently and she said she loves it. It gives her strength and peace. Perhaps you can do the same.

    God bless you. I will keep your Mom in my prayers as she goes throught this difficult struggle again.

    Sylvia
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #6
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    sea60 said:

    Having to fight once
    is traumatic, but twice or more, is just devastating. So many feelings and emotions just overwhelm you that at times, it's just too much. I have a son as well and I love him dearly. I think you're an awesome son to post this so you can try and understand.

    You didn't mention your age so I'm not sure if you live at home with her or not. But during the times when she feels isolated and pushes people back, maybe you can send short simple messages via post-its, cards, e-mails, text messages telling her that you're thinking about her. That you love her and you're there for her. I can guarantee you, that will help.

    Cancer is the ultimate assault on your body, mind and spirit. Maybe you can get her a devotional book at a store to read daily. They have them there. In fact, we were at a Christian book store and my sister ask one of the young men there what he would recommend to a friend with breast cancer. He said his Mom had gone through it and he bought her a Devotional book that was specifically for women going through breast cancer. I spoke to my friend recently and she said she loves it. It gives her strength and peace. Perhaps you can do the same.

    God bless you. I will keep your Mom in my prayers as she goes throught this difficult struggle again.

    Sylvia

    Being in treatment
    Being in treatment third time is required courage and strength. I cannot imagine going through Chemo or radiation without additional help from family and friends. I hope your mother will accept physical help, like grocery shopping together, making meal or cleaning the house. Nice card or flowers could be a sign of support and love too.
  • Malone35
    Malone35 Member Posts: 3
    #7
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    sea60 said:

    Having to fight once
    is traumatic, but twice or more, is just devastating. So many feelings and emotions just overwhelm you that at times, it's just too much. I have a son as well and I love him dearly. I think you're an awesome son to post this so you can try and understand.

    You didn't mention your age so I'm not sure if you live at home with her or not. But during the times when she feels isolated and pushes people back, maybe you can send short simple messages via post-its, cards, e-mails, text messages telling her that you're thinking about her. That you love her and you're there for her. I can guarantee you, that will help.

    Cancer is the ultimate assault on your body, mind and spirit. Maybe you can get her a devotional book at a store to read daily. They have them there. In fact, we were at a Christian book store and my sister ask one of the young men there what he would recommend to a friend with breast cancer. He said his Mom had gone through it and he bought her a Devotional book that was specifically for women going through breast cancer. I spoke to my friend recently and she said she loves it. It gives her strength and peace. Perhaps you can do the same.

    God bless you. I will keep your Mom in my prayers as she goes throught this difficult struggle again.

    Sylvia

    I am 35 she lives a few
    I am 35 she lives a few miles from me I told her that I dont understand her pain and could not imagine what she was going through but I am here to support her needs..Today she had to have her lump removed and a ct scan to see if any cells.... God is my light
  • LoveBabyJesus
    LoveBabyJesus Member Posts: 1,679 Member
    #8
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    Malone35 said:

    I am 35 she lives a few
    I am 35 she lives a few miles from me I told her that I dont understand her pain and could not imagine what she was going through but I am here to support her needs..Today she had to have her lump removed and a ct scan to see if any cells.... God is my light

    Hi -- Please let us know how
    Hi -- Please let us know how she is doing, OK? I pray everything goes well and she leaves this behind her. You're doing the right thing by being there for her. Sometimes this is all we need.
  • poplolly
    poplolly Member Posts: 346
    #9
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    Sometimes we mothers worry
    Sometimes we mothers worry about burdening our children and we push them away. I'd say pop in and visit frequently even if she says she wants to be alone. When you're there you'll be able to see how she is really doing. If you notice she needs groceries, bring her some. If you see other things that you can take care of for her, I'd say do it. I'll bet she will be happy for anything you do once she processes the shock of cancer for the 3rd time.

    Judy

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