vent - husband being a jerk

I was diagnosed 3 weeks after my mother-in-law died. For about 8 months my husband kept blaming me for getting cancer. "I haven't been able to mourn my mother because of this." Like I asked God to give me breast cancer right then. He told me this at least once a month. Then he lost his job right before my mastectomy/reconstruction. I had the TRAM flap done and was home for 2 1/2 months. About 5 into my healing process he hurt his back and I wound up taking care of him. Then he decided to havg out with his buddy until 3-4am. He would wait until 10pm and the kids and I went to bed and stay out in our garage until 3-4am. Sometimes I would come home from work and he would still be in bed from the night before. We started therapy and I told him that this guy was like an affair. He thought it was ok because he was home and he waited until we go to bed. Took me a year to get it through his head that this guy he was hanging with was bad news and I didn't want him around my house. My hubby is an alcoholic and a very weak person so this guy can lead him almost anywhere, he started drinking again but only a beer now & then. I'm very scared he'll get back into it. He already started smoking cigarettes again. So things have been better between us for about 2 months. Then my father died very unexpectedly 6 weeks ago. This hit me extremely hard. Hubby was there for my for about 2 weeks then he started back in again with his friends. He knows how much I dislike this guy J so he started to hang out with G (who used to hang out with the both of them). Only now he has to go to G's house and doesn't get home until 3:30am. He will only text these two guys and then makes sure to erase those texts so I can't read them. Yesterday I took my daughter to softball practice and when I came home J was at my house. I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall. I know that he's selfish and it really hurt me that he wasn't there for me during my diagnosis and 6 surgeries. He even admitted in therapy that he was there physically but emotionally he was gone. In December on the 1 year anniversary of my mastectomy he asked me when I was going to get over it and said "I thought you'd be happy to be cancer free for one year." I told him that I was cancer free in October when I had my lumpectomy, that this was the anniversary of me losing part of who I was as a woman. He just doesn't get it and I can't find a way to make him understand. I'm fed up and sick of all of it. I've had enough loss in my life lately but I feel like I'm being pushed to make one more big move, this one is pushing him out of my house. He ws out of work for 16 months and I was the one looking for jobs for him, submitting resumes' and looking online. I'm not sure how I feel about him anymore, I try to feel love but it just seems to be harder and harder to find. Thanks for listening to this rant, I feel a little better now.