Jun 27, 2011 - 3:31 am
I've been counting days since last Father's Day 2010 when my husband was diagnosed with melanoma and now it seems I am still counting days. Crazy. Will time ever be my friend once again? It has been one month today that he has been gone, his last breath taken and my life changed forever. Nothing is the same and yet I walk through our home expecting him to walk through the door at anytime. I listen for his footsteps at the oddest times. I will turn to ask him a question that I know he will have an opinion on and offer me good advise. No... we didn't always agree but the give and take of our relationship, the love of years married... I do miss him so.
I thought I could stay here in our sanctuary without him , the home we rescued, our pride and joy and be happy with the memories. But they are haunting me, no... they are tearing me apart. Everywhere I look, everywhere I go in the yard, there my husband is. I should be comforted, yes... part of me is. But, part of me is ripped in two. Where is the peace we once shared? How do I mentally move on from this point?
How did you move on?
I had to let go of the man... do I let go of the home and dream that was such a big part of our lives together? They were one and the same. The man who provided, built, and shared a life with me only to have it taken against every effort we made to save it? I would feel like I failed him if I left it all and yet there is something here that tugs at me, that is unsettling. What is it? Can I really be happy here without him?
Peace to you,