Not even sure why I am writing. I'm pissed off and then I feel stupid for being pissed off.
My husband has been going through chemo since Jan.2010. He's doing real good thank God but today for some reason I am feeling guilty for thinking about myself. He just got home from a chemo yesterday and like every other treatment everyone including my kids (his stepkids) call or come see how he is. Yes I am so blessed that they care and are concerned but never once does anyone ask how I am. I have so many health issues I just stopped going to the doctor because I am sick of doctors. I work 60 hours a week and then come home and take care of this house, the cats, the shopping, the bills, the appts, the medications, yada yada. And don't get me wrong most of the time I don't mind it. I have horrible lymphedema in my right arm, arthritis since I was 20 so I am in excuriating pain constantly but yet no one offers help or stops and says "HEY HOW ARE YOU DOING?".
I get no thanks from my husband, no thanks for using all my vacation time where now I can't even take a day off for my doctor appts or holidays or my birthday and its only June I won't get vacation time again until January but yet no gratitude for my sacrifices. And today I feel like I just don't matter.
I feel guilty, stupid and ashamed for even writing this because I don't have cancer, I don't know what its like to have cancer. I just know I feel EVERYDAY like me and my feelings, health or concerns don't matter. Why do I feel like I am not supposed to think about myself in all this just because I don't have cancer. I feel like I should shut up and just deal with it all because he is going through something much worse then my stupid feelings.