Surgery July 7 and anxiety is increasing - any tips?

cabbott said:

Dealing with Anxiety/Mastectomy
During the process of diagnosis which for me was almost a 9 month interval, I always skipped the chapters about emotional issues. Every book had one, but somehow it didn't really sound like it would happen to me. Then an operation confirmed that I had cancer and the sleepless nights snowballed along with a fear that topped anything I had ever experienced before and lasted for day after day after....well, you know what I experienced.

There were several things that seemed to help. Getting a plan helped tremendously. Letting go of the fear and leaving the future to God helped. Talking to long term survivors helped. Exercise helped. Forcing myself to eat and follow a routine helped. I probably should have talked to the doctor about some meds, but by the time I went for a talk with the medical social worker at the hospital(like 8 months after surgery) I was to the point that finding a support group with arms was all she thought I needed. And that helped a lot too. When I outgrew the need for that group, I went online and that helped. (My husband was okay for support, but there came a time when he stopped wanting to hear about cancer issues and then I needed outside support.) Sometimes little things help like avoiding all caffine, spoiling yourself with a massage or a day out with a friend. Put appointments on the calendar and do what you have to do, but other than appointments try to make a life without cancer on a regular basis. One of my friends who was diagnosed with cancer a few years before me said that she sometimes felt like she had two minds at the same time. One was doing all the ordinary things she did before but in the background all the things she had to think about with cancer was also playing. So she would journal to put the worries down on paper, but shut the journal when she needed to get back to the business of life. She had times when she would let herself consider all the problems that way, but when the journal shut she went back to "regular life". It was sort of like changing channels on a TV when a program is just too much. I wasn't particularly interested in journaling, but I tried to operate on two levels instead of just the one miserable one and it helped. [I did find it really hard to relate to my teen-age nieces that were worried over gaining a pound and what the latest fashions in bathing suits were when I was wondering if I would live another month or another year. That was back in 2002. I can tolerate their daily worries somewhat better now though I still think they are a bit shallow at times!]

Things I found didn't help me: well-meaning friends that asked how I was "REALLY FEELING." The boss that didn't quite believe I could have a mastectomy and not be at death's door. Stories of everybodies' relatives that had problems with cancer. Movies with sad endings. Books about tragic cancer stories. Statistics and probabilities. Nonfiction books about cancer that were over a year old. Nutty websites by self-proclaimed cancer healers that were sure they had the cure that the doctors were hiding.

Concentrating on just getting through surgery and the temporary problems that involves is all you have to worry about now. So don't forget to breathe. The operation is to make you better. The doctors have done this before and know what they have to do. They had plenty of what one of my coworkers called the "good drugs" for any pain issues. A set of exercises for your arm and shoulder will help you keep from getting bored and stiff once you come home. Hard candies will help with the possibly sore throat you may have from the anesthesia. A surgical bra with pockets for the drains can be a treasure that you can stuff with batting so you can wear your clothes and look normal from day one. A large bottle of Phillips Milk of Magnesia and a large amount of fruits and high fiber cereals of your favorite kind will help with problems that creep up from the pain meds. Gift cards to takeout restaurants so you don't have to cook are better than flowers (after the second bouquet from dear friends of course). Someone to walk you around an empty mall or somewhere flat, cool, and safe will get you back on your feet as quickly as possible. Planning a night out with your signficant other the night before the operation (keeping in mind when you have to stop eating and such) is not a bad idea either. My mastectomy was day surgery but two hours from home so we stayed in a hotel near the hospital. By the way, the doctors and nurses told me that I would want to go out to eat after the operation and I thought they were nuts. They weren't. I really was well enough to go out and really did want to(having that surgical bra and being able to wear regular clothes home helped a lot. I won't talk about how it felt when the car hit the potholes on that one rough road...). We ended out stopping only for a fish sandwhich at a fast food joint so we could make it home in time to stay goodnight to my 10 year old son. His first words were "Mom, you look okay!" He was afraid I would be an invalid. Or not there at all. I was taking the dishes out of the drainer one dish at a time. I couldn't pour milk out of a full jug and forget about the laundry basket or pulling weeds that first month. But my body did recover and yours will too.

Good luck!

Cabbott