Middle of the night....when will I sleep sound again and what about special days?

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stayingstrongfortoday
stayingstrongfortoday Member Posts: 116
in Breast Cancer #1
Ok so here I sit, might as well journal and then "try" to relax. I took my teenagers to see Soul Surfer this past evening....it was inspiring, uplifting so what do I do? I crawl into bed and could only think about death. Wow. My 2 older children's father died just a few months ago from cancer (he lived 4 short weeks). We were divorced 11 years but now I am taking care of his estate. I am not usually a superstitious person but yesterday there were "signs" from him everywhere that I am doing things ok in his honor....but as I woke up at 3:30 I thought about Father's Day and I am not sure what to do. Let the kids take the lead? I certainly don't want to ignore it we never did before. My husband has been a step dad to the children for 7 years and we have a son together and he told me to just let this year "go"......but my own father passed when I was 7 and FD was off limits we never discussed it and my mother never remarried. I don't want that for my kids, The man I use to love and fathered 2 of my children lost his life 3 short months ago. He deserves to be remembered in some way. And then with progression on my own cancer I think "there is a lesson here".

So ladies, any ideas?? We have chosen not to bury his remains yet so we don't have a gravesite to visit. I love the Lord so much, but why must he trust me so much. I don't want my kids to feel FD is off limits with him gone like I did. I look to you for some strength and ideas. There teens am I overthinking it....do I just ask them what they want to do?

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  • mollyz
    mollyz Member Posts: 756 Member
    #2
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    Yes!
    I think you should ask them,most teens are well adjusted much better than we are and it sounds like you are stressing a little:) the Lord will direct you I'm not sure how deep your faith is but God really has all our answers in his word (the bible)you have to read and pray and listen for his answer when the right things comes to your mind and your at peace with it then you'll know that was your answer.
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #3
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    Ask your kids....
    Teens are surprisingly insightful....

    Maybe spread his ashes on Father's day?

    Let their other father chime in, if you think he is ok with it...life is about going forward....after all....

    My daughter lost her father, and then 3 weeks later lost her sister. The biggest thing that helped, as you already have found, is that I always allowed her to talk about it, especially the 'year of firsts' (Father's day, birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas...).

    Grieving is so very personal. It's wonderful that you are allowing your kids to go thru it with love and respect.

    My daughter's birthday (31 years) was Friday. My mom, who passed in April, had asked me to get a card and gift card for her way before she passed. So, I gave it to my daughter, the card unsigned...she thanked me....

    Hugs, Kathi
  • Rague
    Rague Member Posts: 3,653 Member
    #4
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    Let your children decide
    The children will appreciate it for you to talk with them so they know you are remembering their Dad as their Dad and that you wnat to support them in their rememberance of on him on his day.

    If they have a good relationship with their Step-Dad it might be good for him to talk with them also if he is an insightful person.

    An idea you might want to pass on to them is doing a Prayer Box. The idea of a Prayer Box is to write down what you want to or need to say (or feelings you need to get rid of), crumble the paper and put it in the box. Then burn it. Symbolically, the smoke carries the thoughts to the one intended for. Or takes away negative feelings. Where I live the Lakota culture is very stong so I always add some sage to it to help carry the thoughts.


    Susan
  • poplolly
    poplolly Member Posts: 346
    #5
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    I don't think I can add
    I don't think I can add anything more. I too think an honest discussion with your children is a good thing. Tell them how you feel. They will see the respect you have for them and their father. They may not tell you--but they will remember your thoughtfulness and trust.
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #6
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    You did answer your own
    You did answer your own question...I think you use the words you chose here with us and start by saying " I don't want you kids to feel that FD is off limits; is there any way you would like to celebrate/honor your dad on Sunday?" Take it from there...
  • stayingstrongfortoday
    stayingstrongfortoday Member Posts: 116
    #7
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    chenheart said:

    You did answer your own
    You did answer your own question...I think you use the words you chose here with us and start by saying " I don't want you kids to feel that FD is off limits; is there any way you would like to celebrate/honor your dad on Sunday?" Take it from there...

    thanks
    I had a beautiful conversation with them and they are the best children ever. The day will not go by unnoticed and they wanted to know what to get their step dad. I've been blessed with a turning point in my family and I thank God daily. Sometimes things are just too hard to see and we need to step back. That is why I loe this board. Thanks ladies.

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