Jun 11, 2011 - 4:15 am
I could get lost in it... if I let myself, this darkness.
There is still so much to do for my husband's Celebration of Life on June 18th, and I have gone back to work. There certainly has been enough to keep me occupied during the day but my nights are dark and quiet... my heart aches for him. The space beside me lies vacant for the first time in 12 years. Honestly, I really don't think it is the number of years as much as it is the way my husband filled my life so fully. How we balanced each other for good and no so perfect. In divorce you know the other person in your life is gone from you but not lost forever. But dead is dead, forever. I am left picking up the pieces in my life that my husband left behind in his battle with cancer. This void I am feeling now, as I was always fighting against time for him/his cause... always with the thought of hope and love for him, for me, for us.
And now this black hole...
Letting go... of my best friend. Today? Tomorrow? When?
I've got to find my way to light again because I know that is what he would want me to do. My husband was a builder of things, a master of tinkering, always busy with life. He loved the wind in his face riding his Harley, "Live To Ride". He would not want to see me suffering so, I know it would hurt him if he could feel my heart breaking in two right now.
How do I let go of our dreams?
Peace to all,