I Feel Frozen

emamei
emamei Member Posts: 146
in Breast Cancer #1
Hello Ladies.

Emotionally I've been all over the map since my mastectomy surgery this past Wednesday. Physically, I'm healing well, still sore and painful. Mentally I'm in a fog. I've been taking pain and sleep meds since surgery so I'm sure they play a big role in feeling so dazed.

I can't help but think what life is going to be like from this point forward. I meet with my surgeon on June 10th and she should have the pathology back from the surgery.

I feel frozen, unable to do anything, like I'm holding my breath until the 10th before I can breath again.

There are still too many immediate unknowns ahead. I may need additional scar reduction surgery before I can begin radiation therapy. I'm not looking forward to spending the summer recovering and still going through treatment. I'm not sure how much energy I will have for my girls while they're on summer break. My husband's company is going through some changes that are not comforting for us and just add to the uncertainties.

I've become pretty good at letting go of the things I have no control over, but the effects of all the uncertainties begin to take their toll.

I find my anxiety levels creep up on me when I least expect them to. This becomes worse when I am house bound. As I have a surgical drain attached to me for the next week or two, I've been told I cannot drive. I can go for walks around my neighborhood, but it's not the same as being able to get out and do what I'm used to doing.

Anyway, I needed to vent today, I hope you don't mind and perhaps can relate.

Comments

  • smilingdeb
    smilingdeb Member Posts: 50
    #2
    My heart is with you
    Wish I could make you feel better but I have not had my mastectomy yet and the thought of it scares the heck out of me. I am on my 2nd session, 5 treatments per each, out of 4. I can relate to the anxiety part. When I was frist diagnose with BC I felt like it took for ever to get my medicaid (got it within 7 days)and waiting for my appt with my ono doctor that my stress and anxiety was so high that I could not eat or sleep. I'm sorry to hear about your husband's company but I will keep you both in my prayers that things will turn out for the best for both of you. Since this is all new to me and I still have a long road ahead of me I have a question. Why can't you drive because of the surgical drain attachment? If you ever need to vent I just want you to know that I am here for you along with all the wonderful sisters here. I know this is easier said than done but try and relax and get lots of rest. Let me know how things turn out and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

    Hugs,
    Deb.
  • sbmly53
    sbmly53 Member Posts: 1,522
    #3
    I think that there is nothing scarier than the unknown
    even the bc dx. Once all your tests are in and you've met with the onc, I think you will begin to feel better. You will have a definate plan of action and you will be able to focus on that.

    Speak to your doctor about your anxiety. Rest and don't overdo. Get ready to put your Grrr on. We're all here for you, so don't be afraid to post with any questions or anxieties.

    Big (but gentle) hugs,

    Sue
  • emamei
    emamei Member Posts: 146
    #4
    smilingdeb said:

    My heart is with you
    Wish I could make you feel better but I have not had my mastectomy yet and the thought of it scares the heck out of me. I am on my 2nd session, 5 treatments per each, out of 4. I can relate to the anxiety part. When I was frist diagnose with BC I felt like it took for ever to get my medicaid (got it within 7 days)and waiting for my appt with my ono doctor that my stress and anxiety was so high that I could not eat or sleep. I'm sorry to hear about your husband's company but I will keep you both in my prayers that things will turn out for the best for both of you. Since this is all new to me and I still have a long road ahead of me I have a question. Why can't you drive because of the surgical drain attachment? If you ever need to vent I just want you to know that I am here for you along with all the wonderful sisters here. I know this is easier said than done but try and relax and get lots of rest. Let me know how things turn out and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

    Hugs,
    Deb.

    Surgical Drain
    My surgical drain is under my left arm, next to the surgical incision made for the mastectomy. The concern about driving is where the seat belt rests across my chest while driving and should I have to make a sudden turn or worse, I would injure myself worse or the drain could get yanked out. Once the drain can be removed I'll be able to drive again.
  • smilingdeb
    smilingdeb Member Posts: 50
    #5
    sbmly53 said:

    I think that there is nothing scarier than the unknown
    even the bc dx. Once all your tests are in and you've met with the onc, I think you will begin to feel better. You will have a definate plan of action and you will be able to focus on that.

    Speak to your doctor about your anxiety. Rest and don't overdo. Get ready to put your Grrr on. We're all here for you, so don't be afraid to post with any questions or anxieties.

    Big (but gentle) hugs,

    Sue

    Thank you
    Thank you for letting me know. Now I understand and I sure as heck want nothing bad to happen to you. Like I said, I still have a long road ahead of me before my surgery and this is all new to me. Thanks for sharing....

    Hugs,
    Deb
  • Mitzi333
    Mitzi333 Member Posts: 511 Member
    #6
    Take one Day at a time... ;0)
    Emamei... GREAT the mastectomy is over and you're healing well. I just had a bilateal 2 weeks ago. So I know the feeling. Yes, it's overwhelming when you look at all you've come through, and the reality of still more to go. That's why it's best to take one day at time and Thank God for the mimi milestones toward recovery.

    Just take it ez... once you get the Patheology report, you'll have a better idea of next steps... but in the meantime... RELAX, which also plays a key role in recovery.

    I know it's easier said than done... But, time to dig deep and let go of the worry...

    Don't miss out on the Blessing of THIS Day with Worrys of Tomorrow...

    You've come to the right place for comfort and advice. I know our Pink Sisters will offer you additional support.

    Mine is simply... RELAX and ENJOY this Day!!!

    Big Hugs~
    Mitzi ;0)
  • grams2jc
    grams2jc Member Posts: 756
    #7
    Can so relate
    After surgey and during chemo it was almost as if I was afraid to be alone and anything that should have made me laugh and be so happy,(holidays, granchild giggling) were so bittersweet all I could do was cry. It's really hard to keep busy when your activities are so limited.

    Hang in there, it's bound to get better,

    Jennifer
  • CypressCynthia
    CypressCynthia Member Posts: 4,014 Member
    #8
    You are not alone and you
    You are not alone and you are not crazy either--most of us have been there! Please, if this gets to be too much, let your oncologist know. The docs know we are at higher risk for anxiety/depression and can help. Don't let these feelings become overwhelming or interfere with your getting because help is just a phone call away! Your oncologist will know what meds are compatible with your particular treatment.

    A cancer diagnosis can affect your emotional health
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #9
    CypressCynthia said:

    You are not alone and you
    You are not alone and you are not crazy either--most of us have been there! Please, if this gets to be too much, let your oncologist know. The docs know we are at higher risk for anxiety/depression and can help. Don't let these feelings become overwhelming or interfere with your getting because help is just a phone call away! Your oncologist will know what meds are compatible with your particular treatment.

    A cancer diagnosis can affect your emotional health

    Please call your doctor
    Maria,
    I am very sorry that you are having a very difficult time. I have had mastectomy, I know it is not an easy situation.
    In my case I have not waited for pathology report too long. Please call your oncologist or surgeon and explain your concerns. Your feelings are very normal, however medical professional might suggest more effective ways to help you moving forward.
    Wishing you a quick recovery and good pathology report
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #10
    pain med
    I understand your FOG....but please dont' go through what i just went through..worst painful weekend of my life..I just had hysterctomy due to tamoxifen...3 wks ago tomorrow...i was taking pain killers...(only as needed to not a lot) and still got totally impacted..OMG ER two days in row....

    no one warned me about pain killer and constipated...please take stool softners, eat easy to digest food...MY body is just back to normal today..

    Denise

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