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It has been 1 year and a half and I feel lost

JillWest
Posts: 3
Joined: Mar 2011

I lost my husband a year and a half ago to pancreatic cancer. I have a 23 year old son who graduated a month ago from college and a 21 year old who is still away at college. My husband was the love of my life, I told him everything would be ok I would be able to handle all the changes ahead. WOW!!! was I wrong!!! I have a home that I take care of, I just lost my job. I feel like taking the summer off just to get my act together!!! I am back to crying or just feeling sorry for myself I do not know which. I feel like I was doing much better months ago, but I am finding I could be a hermit. I do not like to associate with anyone who has a "mate". My son and I were doing really well when he moved home from college and now he has a girlfriend. I want him to be happy but I also want him for me. I have no interest in dating I just want single friends that I can do something with. I am thinking about counseling but I thought I was stronger than that, guess I was wrong. I really want to move away from our family home and just start all over, but I feel I need to keep our home for my children. We had a great family life and I do not want to put the burden on my children. I would like to sleep all the time and just cry but I know I have to get my act together for who? My kids? I have never taken time for myself, I always put my husband and kids first!! I just do not no where to go to find whatever it is I am looking for? I need to get a job, but just have no energy or confidence in myself to think I could even get one. Thank you for listening any help would be much appreciated.Jill

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Jill,
I lost my husband 14 months ago from a rare side effect to Avastin for lung cancer. It was a horrible death. I went for counseling for over 10 months and was also on meds. It sounds like maybe counseling would help you. I don't know how long you guys were married but Tom & I were married for 46 years. He was going to retire in June & he died in March. I still miss him alot. I am seeing a guy I went to high school with who lost his wife in 2006. It's nice just having someone to go out to dinner with. I have 3 kids and 3 grandkids who I love alot and really don't know what I'd do without them.
But Jill, I just want you to know that you aren't alone in your feelings. I still break down and cry sometimes. His birthday would be on sunday the 12th so I know I'll be missing him that day again.
Please take your time in getting over this, but think about maybe some counseling. Mine was paid for by the cancer society. Carole

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