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Goodbye Bob, my defiant Harley riding husband

lovingwifedeb's picture
lovingwifedeb
Posts: 184
Joined: Aug 2010

I should have known my husband would have the last words even though he was not aware of his surroundings in the end. I guess he showed everyone he was going out on his terms and that meant "when"... No time for Hospice for him! I'm thinking he had a big ride planned and did't want to hang around waiting for us to finish grieving. OK... Whatever the reason, certainly the doctors and nurses missed the timing on this one...

Bob passed this morning at 5:10, May 27th, 2011

I will miss what he brought into my life, his energy, his strength, his wiseness and patience. I will be lost until I can find myself again... To get to know who I am without him as it has been 14 years of talking in "we" not "I".

My tears come in waves, heavy at times like the ocean, rolling over me suffocating me at times. I'm so glad summer is coming and with it the warmth if the sun as I will be needing it to warm the space next to me.

Thank you all for yor support in my most difficult days ahead.

Deb
lovingwife ( forever and always )

mswijiknyc's picture
mswijiknyc
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

Dia enfold tú ar an maintlín sé a ghrá,

Bob will be with you always - may his love flow over you like rain.

Loves,
April

karenbeth's picture
karenbeth
Posts: 194
Joined: Sep 2010

There are no words...you are in my thoughts, and I will light a candle for Bob tonite.

Karen

Elizabeth15
Posts: 37
Joined: Apr 2011

Dear Deb,
I am so so sorry.
Elizabeth

zinniemay's picture
zinniemay
Posts: 534
Joined: Mar 2009

Deb, May peace be with you. May the love you shared carry you far. May his love help you along the way. I wish you peace.

Jennie

micgrace
Posts: 131
Joined: May 2011

It will be difficult but you have many friends here. Take care.

DrMary's picture
DrMary
Posts: 523
Joined: Nov 2010

I'm glad it was on his terms. He sounds like a wonderful guy and he's given you a lot of strength to deal with the days to come. You both are in our thoughts now.

neverquit
Posts: 221
Joined: Oct 2010

Deb, I am so very sorry. Bob will be there with you always in your heart, mind and soul; you were very lucky to have each other. Peace always. Dina

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1597
Joined: Aug 2009

Saying I'm sorry always seems inadequate, but I am sorry. As he went out on his terms, you will grieve in yours. Take care of yourself now. Fay

Noellesmom
Posts: 1244
Joined: Aug 2010

I cannot think of what to say, deb.

I am sorry for your loss, happy for the times you had together and prayerful you know you are not alone - ever.

Hugs.

AngKad42
Posts: 26
Joined: Jan 2011

I am so very sorry Deb, that Bob had to leave, I hope you find comfort in knowing that someday you will be together again and that love never leaves us. I have no words of wisdom that can heal your pain, I can only imagine how you feel right now. I have been keeping you and Bob in my prayers and in my heart for a long time now and the breath left me when I read your post about his passing. My heart breaks for you.
I found this quote a long time ago and have always liked it, I hope it may bring you some comfort. Will keep you in my prayers, Deb.
Much love, Angie

Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight.

I am the soft star that shines at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there. I do not sleep.

- Northwest Indian Memorial on Death

lovingwifedeb's picture
lovingwifedeb
Posts: 184
Joined: Aug 2010

Although I feel like the wind has been knocked out of my sails I have been kept busy by unraveling what my husband has left behind... That includes my heart. Fortunately my daughter and boyfriend are staying with me for now at least until my house is in order if you know what I mean. I've not had much time to think or dwell on what's happened... A crash will happen sooner or later.

I have decided to have an Open House at home... A Celebrate Life Day for Bob. I've heard some grumblings already from family... This not being a "Traditional Memorial Service"... Those who know my husband best feel our home reflects who he is/was the best... Not a church or hall. He was a "project master"... he was very proud of our sanctuary and those who knew him well knew this also. I grieve enough let alone worrying about what other people think of what I am doing or not doing?

Preparations have began and friends and family have joined me today to wrap up garden duty that Bob could not get done because he was too sick. I am very humbled today. It will be a very busy couple of weeks.

Thank you for responding to my loneliness as no matter who I surround myself with only you know what I have gone through.

Deb

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

As I return from my first "solo" flight, I am deeply saddened to read of Bob's passing. My heart grieves with yours.

A Celebration of Bob's life is a wonderful idea. I did something similar for Dennis, and we were all able to share, cry and laugh together away from the confines of a solemn venue of church or funeral home.

I am glad to see that you are surrounded by loving and helpful folks. And, yes, this is your time to honor your beloved as you wish. It is your first step in this new journey.

Take care, dear one. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Lucy

UKLady's picture
UKLady
Posts: 85
Joined: Jan 2011

Deb

You know I lost Steve just a few days ago, and you and I shared some posts over the last weeks so you know that I feel your loss as keenly as my own right now since both Bob and Steve shared similar difficulties towards the end, yet I was so hoping that Bob would regain some ground. If it helps, Steve too made a choice towards the end, and I know that neither you nor I did not leave anything undone to create comfort and well being for them as much as we were able.

I join you in being set adrift this week without our loved one but like you I take comfort from others here who continue to post and help us to show what we are feeling- they have too, and they are surviving, so Deb, we must dig a little deeper during bad days and hold on to that and maybe each other and know some day we will be able to walk with some very inspirational people on this site. PM me any time Deb.

with sympathy and understanding

Lyndsey

Barbara53's picture
Barbara53
Posts: 659
Joined: Aug 2009

Deb, I'm so sorry to hear of Bob's passing, but I understand your wanting to get his special place set to rights and ready for his memorial service. We, too, live in a special place that represents years of creative work, a sanctuary.

Bob will always be so much a part of your home. I think it's wonderful to have a ceremony to properly install him in his new position as ever-present spiritual advisor. Or maybe there's some Grand Poopah type title for Harley emeritus?

lovingwifedeb's picture
lovingwifedeb
Posts: 184
Joined: Aug 2010

You made me laugh this morning... Thank you! Everyone is gone with their normal routine and I still have things to wrap up , my mind is a whirpool. There was a message on my husband's iPhone... Is continuing his disability after the 31st? God... I only wish. Calls to make after this holiday weekend...

The bike my husband never nicknamed, but I certainly did. I called her "The Mistress" ... any wife's out there who has a husband that has a passion for a hobby knows how time can be consumed by their hobby. Fortunately tho the summer rides were shared with me. I have a constant reminder that "The Mistress" will also miss her companion.

Deb

AngKad42
Posts: 26
Joined: Jan 2011

Deb,
Thought about you and Bob a lot today and my hubby and I talked about what he would want when the time comes. He agrees with what Bob wanted and so do I. And I think you should do what is right for you and Bob as far as celebrating his life. You do what you need to do, honey and hang those that dont understand. You dont need to worry about any of that.
I want you to know we are here for you and anytime you need to vent or cry or whatever just drop me a line or post something, I will be looking for you as always. Much love, Angie

mr steve
Posts: 285
Joined: Sep 2009

Sending prayers and hugs

Steve

coping in CA
Posts: 20
Joined: May 2011

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Party on!!

Shari

KateNTx
Posts: 39
Joined: May 2011

Deb, I am so sorry. Words fail me. Know we are praying for you.

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1150
Joined: May 2008

I think my man is riding in a higher place . My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family

michelle

ShootingStar
Posts: 15
Joined: Apr 2011

Deb,

You and yours are in my prayers. Very sorry to hear of your loss. My Mom & John have planned a "Celebration of Life" as well. I think that is a wonderful idea. Listen for those Harley pipes rapping in the breeze. Sending love and prayers.

Jen

ms.sunshine
Posts: 710
Joined: Mar 2010

For your heartbreak. Take your time and grieve. Take care of yourself Dear Heart. Hugs for you.

Jennifer

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Deb,
I'm so sorry that I haven't been on here much lately, but I felt so bad when I saw that Bob had passed away. My heart breaks cause I know how much these days are going to hurt you. I thought I was losing it when my hubby died and felt like 1/2 of me died.
I know Bob appreciated everything you did for him.
Please take care of yourself Deb. And again I'm so sorry that I'm late.
Carole

lovingwifedeb's picture
lovingwifedeb
Posts: 184
Joined: Aug 2010

I keep coming back to read all your posts over again, ot seems to help start my day off in a better place. Thank you all AGAIN for all your support. I am going to try to go back to work tomorrow... Yes, I know it's too early but between losing my Mom and my husband so close together I have no more paid sick days or vacation left to use. My financial picture is unsettled for now although I think I will be OK later I have to make the bills coming at me for now.

I will personally post under the "Emotional" or "Berevement" side to do my venting from now on. I will still read the "Caregiver" side because I think I have learned so much from my husband maybe there will be someone I can help along.

If anyone would like to follow my blog:
redesign08.blogspot.com

I write about family and keep a journal.

Peace To All,
Deb

DrMary's picture
DrMary
Posts: 523
Joined: Nov 2010

My friend (who lost her son to suicide) and I used that as code for months - "I have a CIB meeting, can you cover my class for a bit?" (we nicely overlapped our prep-time, so we could usually cover each other's classes).

CIB stands for "Crying in The Bathroom" - you have privacy, TP and a place to wash your face afterward.

I'll check in on your posts and will be thinking of you,

Mary

angelyn's picture
angelyn
Posts: 51
Joined: Jan 2011

I am so sorry for the loss of your wonderful husband. I lost my grandmother on May 23rd and I am having a hard time also. Just know that people are here to support you and to talk when you need us. I hope that you will keep posting here on caregivers as well as the other sites.
Love to you.........
Angie

mr steve
Posts: 285
Joined: Sep 2009

Deb,

Please keep tabs on me, I will need your strength in the months ahead, and I send you a BIG HUG.

Steve

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1560
Joined: Nov 2009

Dear Deb and Family
May I send you all my deepest heartfelt sympathies. You all had a long, hard, journey. Now you can all finally rest in peace. The fight is over. Bob is now no longer suffering or in pain. You will see him again....and he won't have cancer! God bless you all and keep you. May he give you the strength you will need in the upcoming year. Please keep in touch. We need you here!
Tina in Va

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