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One Year

faithlee
Posts: 9
Joined: Sep 2010

It's hard to believe that in a few days I will have the one year anniversary of my husband's death. I'm not sure whether the year went fast or slow. In fact, looking back I have no recollection of the year passing, it just did. I made it through all of the firsts: graduations, birthdays, anniversaries, holidays...but, now the second round will begin. I can't see it getting any easier, although people say with time it does. I can say that I moved on without him, but continue to feel like I'm moving in a fog. It is something that is very hard to describe to anyone, even to my best friends who know me so well. I dread the anniversary date, in fact, the whole month of May has been very emotional; more so as the date approaches. I will be surrounded by friends and family that day, but now wonder if I should just crawl in bed with the covers over my head and wait for it to pass. Any advice on how to get through the day?

Stargzr
Posts: 47
Joined: Mar 2011

I can relate to living in a fog - it has become my new reality. It's been 10 weeks since my husband passed, and I really haven't experienced too many "firsts." A lot of my "firsts" will come at the end of the year through March 2012. I am dreading them. I like your plan to spend the day with family and friends. You'll have support - somehow, I don't think it's a day you should spend alone. On each one month anniversary of my husband's death, I take red roses to the cemetery. (He always gave me red roses.) I imagine that I will do that on the one year anniversary. As I sit and type this, I am struck by how unbelievable this all seems. Oh, to step back in time..

I am sending you (((hugs))) Take care of yourself.

karenbeth's picture
karenbeth
Posts: 194
Joined: Sep 2010

I think that being surrounded by friends and family will help you get through the day. But if you need some time alone, take it.
Everyone says the first year is the hardest, but it's not like grief expires at the end of the year. You will continue to mourn and have a hard time on all of the milestones. But I can only guess that the fog will eventually slowly lift, without you even noticing.
Hugs to you,
Karen

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

Family and friends help us pass through those harder days. Time has helped me. That doesn't mean I miss Doug less. It just means that I have accepted the hurt. I think the special days and those anniversaries will always be hard, though. I will be 65 next month. I don't mind the age, but I keep getting bombarded by Medicare mail. I went through a real funk for a couple of days because I keep thinking we were supposed to be together for this. We both would have turned 65 this year. I know how silly that sounds, but I also know that those on this board will understand. I have also experienced the " fog of grief." I felt better about it when I discovered that there is actually a name for it. I can't say that things get better after that year mark, but I have noticed that I am doing better. Our oldest granddaughter is graduating from high school this week. I suspect that will be a hard day. Again, we were supposed to be there together. Take care of yourself. I actually found that the anticipation of the one year anniversary was worse than the day itself. Hugs, Fay

neverquit
Posts: 221
Joined: Oct 2010

faithlee. I wish I had words of wisdom to give you but I am only 4 months into this tragic roller coaster. It really stinks that there are so many of us going through this same journey; I wish none of us had to be here. I can only say what so many before have told me; everyone is different and what you need may be different on that day than others, so trust your instinct. Whatever you decide, I hope the day works out OK for you.

And Fay, it is interesting to know about the term "fog of grief". It helps to know that I am not alone in having these same feelings and thoughts; and if they have terms for these, you know you are not alone. Thanks.

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Faithlee,
The first year is the hardest and you made it! My husband died on Mar. 25, 2010 so I'm at almost the 1&1/2 year mark. I agree that the first birthday, Christmas, thanksgiving, Easter & anniversary are so hard to be without them, but we're strong and we have to move on. The support on this website has been great and since we've all either gone through it or some are going through the stress of watching their loved ones suffer, but we are like a big family & all understand.
Hang in there Faith!! To make it through the day, try and remember all the happy times you had with him & know that he would want you to be happy again. It's hard, but we have to do it. Carole

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