CSN Login
Members Online: 16

It's been a month already

karenbeth's picture
karenbeth
Posts: 194
Joined: Sep 2010

This morning marks one month since Frank passed. I am missing his physical presence acutely; I miss talking to him, sleeping next to him, walking down the street hand in hand with him. I am going about my life, working, socializing, keeping myself busy...but Frank is in my thoughts constantly and I am partly living in a shadow world of our life together.

Next week I leave the office where I met him and where we worked together for all these years. At first I was thankful the office was relocating; I thought it would be too painful to be there without him and that it would be a fresh start for me. Now I am sad, I feel like one more connection with him is being ripped away from me.

I know that all of this is normal and part of the grieving process. It has been exacerbated by the stress of packing up my office and coordinating our move. I am trying to let myself feel everything and not push feelings away. I am more sad than usual this morning because my friend's son died on Saturday, not of cancer, he had a chronic, incurable illness but he died unexpectedly. Today is his birthday and he would have been 28 years old. I know something of loss now, but I can't imagine losing a child.

On the brighter side, in a couple of weeks I will be flying to California and finally meeting my beautiful little 5 month old nephews. Being will friends and family, and snuggling with babies will be therapeutic for sure.

Wishing everyone a good day...

Karen

Noellesmom
Posts: 1315
Joined: Aug 2010

Grief is something we all experience. That you are embracing the experience as part of your healing process is so good.

Hugs, karen.

Elizabeth15
Posts: 37
Joined: Apr 2011

Today you are in my thoughts...One of the hardest questions I have asked myself is - How did I make it to this day...things around me change, life goes on for everything and everyone...but how when my husband is not here...when I am so consumed with grief...they continue to move on. One month today must be so difficult for you...you use the word I constantly use also...sad...everything is sad now. I am sad for you but you mention something wonderful...you are taking time to be with family and meeting some wonderful new fellows...your nephews! WOW - lucky you...lucky them!!!!! In middle of all this awfulness...you have found joy...I believe you can do that because you have loved and been loved...what a wonderful gift from your husband. Elizabeth

Beckymarie
Posts: 358
Joined: Aug 2009

No matter where you are or where you go he truly is always there in your heart. Lost my husband 11 months ago and this grieving process is so so hard. As I have been told many times you can't go around it you have to go through it. Hang in there.
Becky

kimberlee.rose
Posts: 1
Joined: Jun 2011

I lost my husband 2 months ago, and it still seems like just a nightmare that i am going to wake up from... yet every morning when i open my eyes... here i am ALONE in my bed. And even around a hundred people, i still feel completely alone. And I run from the crying. If a sad song comes on, I turn it off. If the kids are sad i try to console them and then I leave their house. And it doesn't matter where i am, i always feel like i need to be somewhere else... I AM SO LOST!!

karenbeth's picture
karenbeth
Posts: 194
Joined: Sep 2010

I too hate the going to sleep and waking up in bed alone. It's almost two months for me now and it has been the longest two months of my life. I know it is a cliche, but one day at a time is the only way to get through it. Hang in there, and message me anytime if you want to.
Karen

mswijiknyc's picture
mswijiknyc
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

It's hard seeing the calendar and knowing one more day has gone. It's hard when what you think would fill the void just doesn't work. And it's hard when you know life keeps going, even though everything you have is screaming for it to stop.

Thinking of you today and everyday.

Loves,
April

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1624
Joined: Aug 2009

Those month days were really hard for me for a long time. Mine is the 20th of each month. I still note it and count the months, but this month it slipped by much easier. It was 19 months, so I can say time does help. I'm still sad and some things still hit me hard. Learning to live with our new normal is difficult. I spend as much time with family and friends as I can. Next week I am going to Disneyland with my younger son and family for a week. Then the last of June, first of July the whole family is going on an Alaska cruise. I also have a short trip to southern California planned with my two older granddaughters. It will be a busy summer. That's a good thing. Enjoy your time in California. Having lived here all my life, it is my favorite state. Fay

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1624
Joined: Aug 2009

Repeat

neverquit
Posts: 221
Joined: Oct 2010

Karen, I can only say "ditto" to many of the things others have written here. So, I wish you a super vacation filled with sunshine, many happy moments and a lot of peace to fill your heart. Take care.

Stargzr
Posts: 47
Joined: Mar 2011

I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you. I'm so glad that you'll be spending time with your nephews. Babies bring such joy. They are very therapeutic.

Rwasunshine's picture
Rwasunshine
Posts: 2
Joined: Apr 2011

My husband passed on May 17th. I feel so lost without him. We did everything together, we had the same interest. It's not the same doing those things without him. I also have a bright side. Next month I will be flying to Hawaii for the birth of my first grandchild. It's going to be bittersweet because he was supposed to go with me. They say time heals all wounds. I can only hope this gets easier.

God Bless,
Robin

Subscribe with RSS
About Cancer Society

The content on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition. Use of this online service is subject to the disclaimer and the terms and conditions.

Copyright 2000-2014 © Cancer Survivors Network