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Dealing w/Mom's Passing
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May 22, 2011 - 11:46 pm
My mother passed in February, 2011 and I am having a difficult time. She was diagnosed with lung cancer last year, and died suddenly at home from a blood clot. It was the most horrific thing I have ever experienced and I am not dealing with it very well. She had been to her Oncologist that very day, was having trouble breathing, low blood pressure, yet he diagnosed a possible bronchial infection, prescribed some meds and sent her home. Within 3 hours she had passed. I have no other family other than my daughter, and was very close to my mother. The crazy thing is, her tumor was shrinking and her cancer count was down, so we were hopeful that she would beat this. I blame the doctor and myself for not recognizing that her symptoms that day were comparable to having a blood clot. If we had, she more than likely would still be alive. I am having great difficulty getting the images out of my mind, as well as the overwhelming feelings of guilt. I am unemployed at the moment, so any kind of counseling is out of the question. I guess I'm hoping someone else will read this and possibly help in some way. |
Joined: Nov 2010
You didn't kill her, I know how you feel I have an almost identical story. I blame myself for my whole family dieing but I know it wasn't my fault. Not sure what to say but you can ask me anything.
Joined: Aug 2010
Lora, if you were there at the moment of your mom's passing, and if you saw things outside of the normal bounds of a person passing at home, i.e., you mention it was horrific, you may need to get medical and psychological help to move past this, especially as it has been a few months and you are still struggling with the event and don't seem to have accepted it.
My uncle had esophageal cancer and died at home with the death accompanied by a large loss of blood. If this, in particular, is what happened to your mother and you witnessed it or were there shortly after (before any cleaning up occurred), you will need some help getting past this.
Please see your family doctor and let him or her know what you have been through and that you are still struggling with the death or with its images. There is help available for this and you should take it.
That you miss your mother is one thing: that you cannot reconcile yourself to her death or its manner is completely different.
Please know there is nothing you could have done to prevent this death, lora. A blood clot of the magnitude that a person's life ends that quickly may well have been something no medical intervention could have helped. The false sense of security that came from her visit to the doctor just hours before she died made it that much worse: you (and your mother) temporarily let down your guard and were vulnerable. That makes the subsequent stress that much more difficult to deal with.
Please see your doctor as soon as possible: your mom would not have wanted you to feel as you are feeling.
Hugs.