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I think I finally see what people mean.....

rathgirl's picture
rathgirl
Posts: 147
Joined: Jun 2010

So for a Relay For Life fundraiser my friends and I are putting together this concert where all proceeds go to Relay. One of my friends wants to tell my story during the concert. I really don't want her to because I feel bad because so many people are still fighting the cancer or worse and I got away with tiny scars where as others have giant scars, damage that cannot be fixed etc. I feel bad because.... I don't know why. I just don't like it. It's not just the concert its the donation buckets. My friends wanted to put my story on them and I didn't really want to. I feel bad using "my story" to try to get people to donate money. Just like I hate asking people for donations and such it just makes me feel like crap. I just feel so bad knowing that I killed the "bug" inside me but I can't hardly do anything to help my friends and family who are fighting. Yes, I know that doing having a relay team is helping people, but to me it isn't enough. It can only do so much. It cant pay for someone's $40,000.00 hospital bill or pay for their multiple trips to the doctor for blood tests. I am fine hearing other people's stories but mine just bothers me. When my friend tells my story I am half tempted to go for a walk while she does just because i don't want to be the center of attention. I hate being the center of attention because of me having had cancer it just bothers me. It makes me feel about 3 inches tall. I took 2 of the donation buckets to my work place and put them by the registers. Of course I am a cashier and have to be by them all day.

This all kinda hit me last night when my friend was talking about what she was planning to do. She asked me if it was okay and of course I told her I was fine with it but truely I am not. I don't doubt that the night of the concert will be fun but when the time comes for the story I will feel that 3 inches again. I will feel like a giant in Polly Pockets house. (odd picture there) That didn't make sense...... I'll feel like I'm 3 inches but feel like a giant at the same time because I'll stand out like a sore thumb.
Ugh. This sucks. I hate HATE feeling guilty when I know I shouldn't feel this way. I should be happy which I am but at the same time I feel like crap and bad. And I'm repeating myself...... I'm going to stop now...
Thanks for listening. <3 you all!
Rath

tanker sgv's picture
tanker sgv
Posts: 128
Joined: Nov 2010

I think you don't like your story being told by your friends cause its not your story, YOU need to tell your story because you experienced it. I hope you do tell it on the donation buckets, but use the story you posted, its honest and real, its cancer. If you don't mind I would like to copy and repost your story on my Facebook page for advocacy and awareness. I think it can help people see the real affects of cancer survivorship. Please embrace the positives of your victories, your allowed to have good things happen to you so you can advocate for the ones who can't. Thank-you for shareing

rathgirl's picture
rathgirl
Posts: 147
Joined: Jun 2010

you are welcome to use my story if you would like. thank you. :)

Noellesmom
Posts: 1317
Joined: Aug 2010

Survivors and their emotions run the gamut. Some can't talk about anything else: some want to talk about anything BUT the cancer.

People going through cancer are hungry for success stories because it gives them hope but you must do what feels good to you.

If you are a private person, telling your story at the event will be difficult and it is up to only you.

Hugs.

rathgirl's picture
rathgirl
Posts: 147
Joined: Jun 2010

i dont really have a problem telling people about it when they ask i dont like telling them just because i can. i dont mind talking about it really. sometimes it brings back memories that i dont want to remember but at the same time it brings back good memories too. i dont know why i feel like this but i just do.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1627
Joined: Aug 2009

I spoke at our Relay for Life this year and told my story as a caregiver. Since I lost my husband to cancer, it was an emotional experience for me even though I tried to keep it upbeat. If you can believe that. Anyway, after sharing my story, I had a number of people come up to me and share their stories. It gave them a chance to talk about how they felt. Sharing your story, although personal, in this setting is not really all about you. It is a way for people to put a face to their contributions, to understand why we need cancer research. That your story is a positive one makes people feel good about donating. You should feel good about that. However, if you really don't want your story told, you have a right to say no. If you would feel better if your friend doesn't tell the story or tells it without using your name, that's ok. Maybe you aren't ready for it to be told in this way. If so, tell your friend that. A good friend will understand. If you do decide that telling your story is alright, smile pretty. Remember that it's about raising money to fight cancer, you are the pretty face that will help the cause. Stand tall. Smile. Be proud that your friends want to honor you in this way. Fay

rathgirl's picture
rathgirl
Posts: 147
Joined: Jun 2010

thank you! im feeling a little better now after reading you guy's replies. i think ill be ok when the time comes.

bluerose's picture
bluerose
Posts: 1092
Joined: Jul 2009

Rats, I just saw the date on your post and realized the event is probably long since over but had written the response I wanted to send you before I realized the event was in the past. I am still going to send it to you though because I am sure you will be asked to speak at some point in the future about your journey with cancer and it holds true for any opportunity you might get to help to lift someone up who is down struggling with their cancer situation. Here is the post I wrote you before I saw the date on your posting:

Only a cancer survivor themselves can tell their story the way it's meant to be told and with the impact it deserves. It will truly touch others to hear you bravely standing up there telling your story. I think it might do you some good too in telling it - make you feel you are the reason for people's optimisim, seeing you standing there having beat the thing.

As for you thinking that you got away easy compared to some that's maybe true to some extent in that some have had more invassive treatments or stages but cancer is a trauma to anyone who has been told that they have it so don't feel that you are lesser a survivor because of it. That's totally untrue.

People always listen to and take heart from those who have 'BEEN THERE', they can feel your passion and your strength and you don't know what a few simple words from you can truly do. I have written responses on this board that I felt were pretty simple and obvious sometimes and feel bad about that thinking maybe I could have said more or been more effective then I get a reply back from someone I have never spoken to in text and they begin their comments back to me with things like 'you have changed my attitude' or 'you have made me feel better' - you never know what a few words can mean to someone who just needed to hear those exact words right at that moment - no matter how simple.

BE THAT IMAGE for someone at the event. Stand up there and show them your vulnerability and your honest words and your heartfelt hope and prayers for anyone who, like you, have journeyed the battle with cancer.

YOU CAN DO IT RATH. I KNOW YOU CAN. Do let me know how it all goes. Go Rath go.

Hugs,

Bluerose

barbebarb's picture
barbebarb
Posts: 464
Joined: Oct 2011

Hi Rath
Did u tell your story?

I can understand how u felt at the time.
I work at a hospital and although there r HIPPA laws everyonknoes probably my treatment and diagnosis
Sure u gave hope to many if u presented~Barb

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