May 22, 2011 - 8:33 pm
So for a Relay For Life fundraiser my friends and I are putting together this concert where all proceeds go to Relay. One of my friends wants to tell my story during the concert. I really don't want her to because I feel bad because so many people are still fighting the cancer or worse and I got away with tiny scars where as others have giant scars, damage that cannot be fixed etc. I feel bad because.... I don't know why. I just don't like it. It's not just the concert its the donation buckets. My friends wanted to put my story on them and I didn't really want to. I feel bad using "my story" to try to get people to donate money. Just like I hate asking people for donations and such it just makes me feel like crap. I just feel so bad knowing that I killed the "bug" inside me but I can't hardly do anything to help my friends and family who are fighting. Yes, I know that doing having a relay team is helping people, but to me it isn't enough. It can only do so much. It cant pay for someone's $40,000.00 hospital bill or pay for their multiple trips to the doctor for blood tests. I am fine hearing other people's stories but mine just bothers me. When my friend tells my story I am half tempted to go for a walk while she does just because i don't want to be the center of attention. I hate being the center of attention because of me having had cancer it just bothers me. It makes me feel about 3 inches tall. I took 2 of the donation buckets to my work place and put them by the registers. Of course I am a cashier and have to be by them all day.
This all kinda hit me last night when my friend was talking about what she was planning to do. She asked me if it was okay and of course I told her I was fine with it but truely I am not. I don't doubt that the night of the concert will be fun but when the time comes for the story I will feel that 3 inches again. I will feel like a giant in Polly Pockets house. (odd picture there) That didn't make sense...... I'll feel like I'm 3 inches but feel like a giant at the same time because I'll stand out like a sore thumb.