#5 Could today get worse?

OK, this one may not be so amusing.....I just left sister's house (lets call her W for future reference). She had just gotten off phone with Mom's gyn/onc who sounds like she bursted sister's denial bubble big time....Now I feel badly for W. Doctor told W that there was no way Mom was going to get avastin next week (yes Mom and W have been thinking we are going into the city for chemo next week)that idea has been nixed....and gyn/onc sounded like she was very very direct with W about end of life issues.....W is definitely struggling....She relayed to me that Doc is also going to be asking Mom some really tough questions about what she wants for end of life as well....I suspect doc will be gentle with Mom and was just prepping my sister today.....W is now freaking out about next week...."It is going to be horrible".....I somehow don't think it is going to be horrible.....Mom has to know on some level this is coming and she handled the questions today from the nurse very well....I also think Doc knows how to do this.....I am glad I am going to be there....I have to admit I am VERY SAD.....W's denial allowed me a little denial as well....W also expressed to me tremendous anxiety about Mom dying in her house....she's terrified about how to handle that....i have to think on that one SECOND ISSUE: I had to inject my mother in the stomach with heparin...that has to be a new low for me with this disease and my life....W said she just can't do it so I am the designated injectioner.....folks, I can say with with 100% conviction, sticking a needle in my mother's stomach truly sucks......I have to do this on a daily basis....I am also very confused at the moment about everyone's need to see this as the end game...Mom still wants to fight and I think she should fight as long as she wants.....I see this like a tennis match....someone has to win, and we all know it will be the cancer, but i think Mom has the right to fight until the end of the matchif she wants to.....I get this feeling that she feels like because people are talking to her about the end, she has to give up fighting.....I don't see those as mutually exclusive...I hope I can figure out a way to say that in our meeting....Soooooo I haven't anything amusing at the moment...just gratitude for this board as a place for me to come and journal....I might look for all my posts someday just to see where this journey has taken me......I am soooo sad.....and so glad that Mom and I have been hanging..tonight we watched fox news and then Hollywood extra ......earlier today we talked about her not being here anymore....and I said to her, "you told me you'd be around".....she replied "Oh I will be and you'll feel me, but it won't be the same as having me here".....and I told her I really didn't understand what that meant, but I trusted that she knew something I didn't because of where she was at.....it's true, it won't be the same.....I will miss her so much......as I drove back to her apartment tonight and passed all the houses, I wondered what dramas were unfolding behind each of those doors and windows....I pray that each of you warriors have the strength to battle as long as you want....and that your caretakers have the strength to cheer you on.....in the end though, I am realizing that my mother's match is going to be over soon, and when I am driving home from the stadium, there isn't going to be anyone in the passenger seat with me.....it is going to be a long and lonely drive......Thank you all for listening.....