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Emotions

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1158
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi all

Just wondering how you handle your emotions. I seem to be all over the place today. Simple things bring me to tears. I get overwhelmed so quickly. Things that should be easy are feeling very difficult. Does anyone else ever feel this way. Just wondering.

Thanks, Lisha

dixiegirl's picture
dixiegirl
Posts: 1043
Joined: Apr 2006

Lisha I do understand and I have been with you on this slippery slide of emotions all day. I hate being like this, I feel like a wishy washy woman.

I know if I start crying I won't stop and so far been able to keep the dam from breaking full force, but it's leaking every now and then.

It's a beautiful day and I tried to do some garden work this evening. Got a lot of weeding done, but now don't have the energy to pick it all up. So, I'll wait till tomorrow and hope the weather cooperates.

Hang in there honey, I'm with you!

Beth

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1158
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Beth,

Thanks for the understanding words. I'm sure you really do know what I am feeling. Yes my tears are trickling out too. So happy that you were able to get out into the garden today. Just take your time and enjoy the warmth. We are having winter visit us again, Brrr.
You hang in too, I'm with you also.

Lisha

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3155
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi Lisha,
Oh boy...you arn't alone! It's been like this for me since my diagnosis last June. I'm pretty good at hiding my emotions from friends and family, but man...when I'm alone or after Steve has gone to bed, I've had some major melt downs this last year. Two or three days after Lizzy was born I had a really bad day and was off the map with my thoughts and emotions. I got myself so scared and sad wondering just how long I am really going to get to be in her life. I had myself a wreck for about 3 hours, but I finally calmed myself down with some healing reading. I have some wonderful positive thinking books, or as some would call, meditation books that really chill me out. It's weird how a feeling of sadness or fear can creep up when we least expect it. A song,pictures and even a t.v. commercial can set me off. I'm not embarrassed to talk about it either...this cancer business is scary damn stuff and it really plays with our emotions. I think anyone that says it doesn't, is fooling themselves...ya know? Hang in there sweetie...we ALL have more days than not feeling vulnerable from our emotions. You certainly are not alone. Love ya..Sue
(FNHL-2-3A-6/10)

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1158
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Sue,

Oh yes, I have had a few major meltdowns. And now this weepy feeling taking over. I do not like it one bit.

So sorry that you are having hard times too. It seems like I try so hard to stay strong and not let stuff get to me. But wham it hits like a ton of bricks. I guess I just needed assurance that this is not just me and that I am not so alone.

Thanks so much...

Love the baby/family pictures you put on your expression page. They are wonderful!!!!

Lisha

COBRA666's picture
COBRA666
Posts: 2418
Joined: May 2010

Hey guys,
Believe me I know how you all feel,but here's something to think about. How long do any of us have on this earth? I mean not just us,but every living and breathing person out there.What we have had happen to us is a major,major scare. Granted it might return sooner or later,but how about the people that get up and drop dead with a heart attack or go for a walk and get hit by a bus. They have no warning that life is fragile and promised to no one. You can all relate to what I am saying by your own experiences in life with people you have known and are no longer with us. I know I can. Our fears are as real as it gets because we have experienced something that can snuff us out. We have been forced to stand next to the reality that death will come someday. It will for everyone one day. Remember before we ever got sick,did any of us ever think that life would end someday? It may have entered our minds for a split second,but thats it.I know we have to go thru these $h1tty chemo treatments that keep that memory alive day after day.Every time we get a cold ,our hands hurt,our stomach doesn't feel just right today or we get cramps we think ut-oh its back. I know that feeling all to well and it is now a normal way to feel. Now that I have given my sermon I think I will go in my room and turn all the lights out and stare out the window. John

Michele23
Posts: 167
Joined: Mar 2011

Maybe we could have a cry day.I'm ready for the meltdown.Maybe it's the full moon.Well spoken John.Hugs,Michele Dx95 FNHL3

COBRA666's picture
COBRA666
Posts: 2418
Joined: May 2010

I know what I was trying to say and trying to get it across as best I could. Hope I did not offend anyone. Remember we are all in the same boat here. John

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3155
Joined: Jul 2010

Hey John,
What you said is true and I understand what you said. Nothing you said should offend anyone. Sue (FNHL-2-3A-6/10)

skuttlebug
Posts: 45
Joined: May 2011

iiz i know howw you feel soometimes its so bad icant hardly stand it i wonder if i will be here to see my 13 year old daughter grow up and then i really get sad thats where i came up with my user name skuttlebug it was her nickname now its just bug its so unfair to her i never feel like doing anything i dont understand what im doing wrong i read about people working and i now live on dissabilty mabey all of this is just in my head i dont know anymore hang in its tough but as long as were here mabey mabey a cure will be found we cant lose hope denise

COBRA666's picture
COBRA666
Posts: 2418
Joined: May 2010

Skuttlebug,
Just keep those positive thoughts. Thats all anybody in this world has going for them. John(FNHL-1-4A-5/10)

miss maggie
Posts: 929
Joined: Mar 2010

Dear John,

Every word in your post is so very true. Let me add, how about the greedy people in
this world, who have everything, and are still not happy. They have their health, lots
of homes all over the world, and still they steal from others. What's their problem?

For me, I am happy with the crumbs I have. Well, not quite, crumbs that is. As long as
I can have my health (hopefully), a home to rest my head, family and good friends. Let
me add, money enough to keep up my home, food enough to eat, and enjoy the simple
pleasures in life (movies, dinner out, etc)

John, you sound a bit down?? Is this the case?

I am so sorry for Lisha. Right now, I cannot relate to the way she feels. I do understand
the tears, and not being able to function and everything being too much. I was there in the very beginning of this journey Sept 2009. I only hope for Lisha, somewhere along the way,
she starts getting good news.

I hope things change and get better for all. Love Maggie

COBRA666's picture
COBRA666
Posts: 2418
Joined: May 2010

Maggie,
Like everyone I have the down days and all kinds of thoughts go thru my head. I am not really down,but I do think like everyone else and wonder where this is all going. I keep hoping that some sort of cure will come out soon for all concerned. What we have is now considered a chronic disease,but still such a pain to deal with thinking we may have to go thru those terrible chemo treatments again. I tell you I never thought I would ever feel as weak and as tired as I did going thru that treatment time. No joke,a 25 lb.bag of dog food felt like it weighed 100 lbs. and I could barely pick it up. That was not a good time at all. Thanks for the concern. John(FNHL-1-4A-5/10)

miss maggie
Posts: 929
Joined: Mar 2010

Dear John,

That's OK, I speak to you as though you were sitting next to me. It's
true, we can't feel good everyday. Our complete lives are consumed with
cancer. Everything we do, revolves around doctor's, treatment, and
being ill.

Let me tell you something. Is it good news, not quite sure?? I never used to
read the obituaries. Now I find myself going over each notice of death and
the cause. Maybe I ran across one death from NHL. I am being selfish, and only
thinking of myself. How sad for anyone to pass away from any cancer. There
should be a cure for everyone. Also, easier treatments.

John, take it slow. I can imagine being weak now, when in the past you were
so strong. I don't doubt it. I only hope the weakness ends with remission.
Then maybe, just maybe, it was all worth it.

Love Maggie

onlytoday's picture
onlytoday
Posts: 585
Joined: Jun 2010

Lisha and everyone,

Oh yes, I can relate to the emotional roller coaster. I have NEVER been like this. I am by nature a sensitive person, but not a crybaby! Now - I get misty eyed at the weirdest things. Sometimes "those thoughts" just grab me and off I go. If I see great beauty I also go into tears. I have always thought that from my life experiences I had a great appreciation of how fragile life is but NOW.... wow it's different! In the good moments I look at it as a gift to make me (us) more appreciative- then during the difficult moments it scares me, makes me angry, sad... you name it.

I have my onc appt today. BIG DAY. I am numb. I have cried, been mad, ignored it, (that usually doesn't work! haha) and now I'm getting ready to head to Philly to find out if this disease is in my small intestine or not.

I want to have enough time to do some things - I am not done. What John said is so very true- NOBODY knows how much time we have left. It's just that for some reason we have been given this "chronic" condition to keep us on our toes!

God Bless you all. We can do this - together! Thanks for listening.

And Lisha - we love you.

Love,
Donna

JoanieP's picture
JoanieP
Posts: 573
Joined: Mar 2010

Hi Lisha,
I am on effexor for my hot and chilled episodes. The effexor helps my moods swings too. I think my husband is buying stock in the company:)

dixiegirl's picture
dixiegirl
Posts: 1043
Joined: Apr 2006

I take it for hot flashes and love it, don't really want to give it up. They may do it for the transplant...it's still up in the air. I'll have to talk to the doc on thurs.

stephie_bee
Posts: 3
Joined: May 2011

I've been having a bad day today-my emotions are everywhere. I thought being in remission would bring me joy (remission since Feb 2011-Yay!)but it seems I've been more depressed than happy-go figure...

Just found the forum-look forward to getting to know others better who have gone through similar thing.

Stephanie

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1158
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Stephanie,

So sorry you are having a bad day, but so glad you found us. This is a great group of supportive and very caring folks. I am feeling better today, but it can be a real roller coaster ride of emotions. I know that if I did not have these wonderful people to help me through, I would be a complete mess all the time. So, welcome...

Peaceful healing
Lisha

CountryGal7557
Posts: 165
Joined: Feb 2011

Stephanie, I've been in remission from Follicular Non-Hodgkins since July 2010 and just recently had a meltdown when my daughter was home. I've been slowly snacking on a HUGE bag of choc.chips and my daughter asked "where did all the choc.chips go if there aren't any cookies?" I just patted my fat tummy! and then cried.

We all have our weak moments.
Glad you found the forum!
Hugs!
Janelle

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3155
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi Stephanie,
Welcome to our little family..which by the way seems to be growing. It always makes me sad when a new name appears, but I immediately remember back to the days before I found this group and how scared and lonely I was. I would be lost without my buddys here and soon you will probably feel the same way. Today is my hubby Steve's birthday and I forgot all about it! I can't believe it! My youngest son called and asked what time would be good to come over and I said..."for what?" He said.."mom..your kidding arn't you, it's dad's birthday"!! I didn't know what to say. After I hung up the phone I just sat down and cried. But, I've put my make up on and curled my hair and in a few minutes I'm heading out to the store to get a cake, card and a present. The boys and grandkids will be here at 5:00..(after calling them all), and maybe Steve won't think I forgot. I just feel so bad that when he called me from work this morning that I didn't say "Happy Birthday honey", like I've done for 32 years. Well...whats done is done, so I'll just have to put it behind me. Anyways...once again..."Welcome Stephanie"! (sorry to have talked your head off when first meeting)...ha!
Love...Sue (FNHL-2-3A-6/10)

stephie_bee
Posts: 3
Joined: May 2011

Thanks for the warm welcome. I hope your little last minute birthday planning goes well. Maybe your husband didn't realize you didn't say happy birthday?

The day doesn't seem to be getting any better but I know it will. While I was going through treatment I created a website as a way for people with NHL or other forms of cancer to come and be a support system. Unfortunately nobody can find it!

I'm not sure if I can list external web links so I won't. But if anybody would like to check it out let me know.

I know this journey really is one day at a time. I think I'm just having some post-treatment reactions to what I'd gone through the last 6 months.

CountryGal7557
Posts: 165
Joined: Feb 2011

I'd like to read your journey! I also did a journey to help others. mine is http://lifeisgood2010.wordpress.com/

I've posted it before, so I think it's ok to post external sites.
Hugs
Janelle

COBRA666's picture
COBRA666
Posts: 2418
Joined: May 2010

Sue,
Use the ole Chemo brain thing on the forgotten birthday. LOL John

stephie_bee
Posts: 3
Joined: May 2011

thanks for the welcoming hug! And what a blessing for you to be in remission for almost a year! I also had Follicular NHL-stage 4 aggressive but thank God they got it all!

mmm-cookies sound good :)

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