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I am scared

jbeans888's picture
jbeans888
Posts: 313
Joined: Mar 2011

You can read about me on my page but a quick cliff note about me. I am 31 and I have stage 3c ovarian cancer. Currently going thru chemo and have been thinkin alot about if I died. How I am afraid to let the 4 people who mean the most to me go. Which are my brother, fiancée, mom & dad. I am not saying I will die, but I think it's natural to be afraid and scared to leave people whom you love. I can say that since I found out I love them so much more. I feel like I have to over come this cancer so I can be there for them. God give me tge strenghth

Noellesmom
Posts: 1279
Joined: Aug 2010

And that maturity has come at a cost to you, no doubt.

Do I think you love these people more? Probably not, but you do recognize the love you feel for them which is so much more important. No doubt they feel the same towards you.

As for strength - you have the strength of four bonds of love. God will be there for anything you go through, as will they.

Hugs.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

Of course you're scared. Cancer is scary whatever stage, age, etc. It makes us aware of our own mortality. Please though, don't let the fear stop you from living now. My husband lost his life to stage 4 colon cancer after a six year battle in 2009. He made a point of telling people that he wasn't dying from cancer; he was living with it. Hug those you love and tell them that you love them often. You have the chance to live a more enlightened life appreciating those around you more than ever before. God has already given you the strength. Take care. Fay

jbeans888's picture
jbeans888
Posts: 313
Joined: Mar 2011

Thanks everyone that has responded. Lately, I have just been so emotional. I never thought I would have cancer. I was always so active and ate healthy and its like what is the point. If you are gonna get it you will get it. My friends mother just found out that she has lung cancer and she never smoked a day in her life and they gave her 3 years to live. It's like who cares what we do. I look at some people and think, and I am the one with cancer because they just abuse there bodies so much and here I am being "healthy in my life style and it doesn't mean anything anyways. I don't want to sound negative because I am normally positive but its just so depressing.

Noellesmom
Posts: 1279
Joined: Aug 2010

Yes, it is.

thomasman
Posts: 20
Joined: May 2011

yup, this cancer thing isnt the easiest road to go down. but the way i look at it, i am still here, 5 years later. i feel it is better for me to have it and go through what i have then for someone else( mainly a child) to have to do it. one of my PET/CT scans was in january 2010. when i went in to get the results,which were pretty good, my oncologist and i went over everything i went through in the previous 4 years. he told me that when i 1st came in, the team overseeing my care really didnt expect me to make it 2 years. THAT got my goat and i told him, " well, you tell your colleagues i will be here in 4 more years!"

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