Bad News - Pathology Post Chemo
I'm devastated to say the least. My only option at this point that will lessen my chances of recurrence and give me the best chances possible to beat this breast cancer and survive is to have a mastectomy. I'm scheduled for the mastectomy surgery on June 1st.
After I recover from the mastectomy, I will then begin radiation therapy.
I'm terrified, not of the mastectomy but of the statistics. I was originally diagnosed with Triple Negative Invasive Ductal Carcinoma with Lymphevascular Infiltration Stage 2 Grade 3, Original Tumor Size 3.5cm, N2.
My cancer is the second most aggressive forms of breast cancer. I have three young daughters, ages 10, 8 and half, and 7. I don't want to die. I'm terrified that even after the mastectomy and radiation that the cancer will be found elsewhere.
I haven't posted a lot on the forum, but I need to reach out more, I'm so scared and so in my husband. We both have always believed that everything happens for a reason, but we don't know why this is happening to us or what we are to learn from it.
Are there any other Triple Negative ladies out there who can relate and give me hope.
Comments
-
Not Triple Neg
But I'm sending positive thoughts your way. I know there are Triple Neg types on this board and you will hear from them. Stay strong and positive - there is always hope. And you have 4 excellent reasons to hang in there and fight this.
Hugs, Sally0 -
Not Triple Neg
But I'm sending positive thoughts your way. I know there are Triple Neg types on this board and you will hear from them. Stay strong and positive - there is always hope. And you have 4 excellent reasons to hang in there and fight this.
Hugs, Sally0 -
Bad Pathology Report
I too have TNBC. Stage IIa, Grade 3. No tumor of ANY kind found in the breast tissue but there were palpable axillary lymph nodes. 2 of 22 lymph nodes were positive for cancer. I had a right mastectomy followed by 4 rounds of A/C and 12 rounds of Taxotere. No radiation. I had a tissue expander put in at the time of the mastectomy. My exchange surgery is scheduled for June 13th!
My son was 19 (college sophmore) and my daughter was 17 (h.s. senior) at the time of my diagnosis. As a parent I think it is natural to initially panic and think you will not be there for the milestones in your child's life. While I could not be present for Admitted Students Day after my daughter selected her university Daddy did attend. I WAS there for the big Move-In Day in September even though I was not a great deal of help. I like to think I supervised. I had finished chemo 1 month prior to move-in. When I saw she was on the 2nd floor of a 2 story dorm WITHOUT AN ELEVATOR I thought I would have heart failure. There really was no good alternative so I just grabbed the railing and hauled myself up the flight of stairs. To me that was a milestone. 6 weeks later I attended Parents Weekend and climbed the stairs in the football stadium for the Homecoming football game. In about a month my husband and I will drive the 3 hours to her university and help her pack up and come home for the summer. This time I will actually be useful.
On a daily basis I do not think about dying. My goals are somewhat shorter term in nature. Things like: Should I go back to work? Will I make it to Parents Day? Will I have great looking foobs after my reconstruction surgery? Will I see my 25th wedding anniversary in November? In my eyes I am dancing with NED until the day my oncologist tells me that I am not - but may that day never come.
I hope this lengthy post has been of some help. You CAN do this. IRENE0 -
Triple Negative here...Miss Murphy said:Not Triple Neg
But I'm sending positive thoughts your way. I know there are Triple Neg types on this board and you will hear from them. Stay strong and positive - there is always hope. And you have 4 excellent reasons to hang in there and fight this.
Hugs, Sally
I am triple neg...stage II a...Grade 3..N2...no lymph node involvement...2.2 cm tumor... 4 rounds of chemo and 33 rads... triple negative is aggressive...I totally understand your fear...my heart goes out to you...it sucks! but PLEASE don't look at this as a death sentence...I had a lumpectomy 2 years ago this month......I remain in remission.....there are many on this board with triple neg and I am sure they will add to this...
I know you terrified...I wish I had the magic words to ease your fear...I don't...but having the mastectomy, you are doing the best possible thing...has your oncologist mentioned the possibility of more chemo after the surgery and before radiation? I know the thoughts of going through that again is awful but I would ask him....what ever it takes...What was your chemo cocktail. Mine was Taxotere/Cytoxan...
I honestly don't have a clue as to what we're supposed to learn from having cancer! I don't think about that...I've never once asked"why me?". I would like to suggest that you ask for anti anxiety medication...I have stated that when I was first diagnosed, I thought I would lose my mind! And I didn't have the extra worry of having young children...mine are grown but I do have 4 precious grands...I was put on the lowest dose of Valium...it didn't make me sleepy, groggy, nothing like that...within 20 minutes I could feel my body, let down, relaxing....it took the edge off....your mental health is very important right now, too....Take care of it as you are your body....
Please keep us posted...I do care! We all do...I would be happy to speak to you on the phone, if you think it would help...
You are in my prayers...I promise that!
Nancy0 -
I'm not triple neg. but Ijessiesmom1 said:Bad Pathology Report
I too have TNBC. Stage IIa, Grade 3. No tumor of ANY kind found in the breast tissue but there were palpable axillary lymph nodes. 2 of 22 lymph nodes were positive for cancer. I had a right mastectomy followed by 4 rounds of A/C and 12 rounds of Taxotere. No radiation. I had a tissue expander put in at the time of the mastectomy. My exchange surgery is scheduled for June 13th!
My son was 19 (college sophmore) and my daughter was 17 (h.s. senior) at the time of my diagnosis. As a parent I think it is natural to initially panic and think you will not be there for the milestones in your child's life. While I could not be present for Admitted Students Day after my daughter selected her university Daddy did attend. I WAS there for the big Move-In Day in September even though I was not a great deal of help. I like to think I supervised. I had finished chemo 1 month prior to move-in. When I saw she was on the 2nd floor of a 2 story dorm WITHOUT AN ELEVATOR I thought I would have heart failure. There really was no good alternative so I just grabbed the railing and hauled myself up the flight of stairs. To me that was a milestone. 6 weeks later I attended Parents Weekend and climbed the stairs in the football stadium for the Homecoming football game. In about a month my husband and I will drive the 3 hours to her university and help her pack up and come home for the summer. This time I will actually be useful.
On a daily basis I do not think about dying. My goals are somewhat shorter term in nature. Things like: Should I go back to work? Will I make it to Parents Day? Will I have great looking foobs after my reconstruction surgery? Will I see my 25th wedding anniversary in November? In my eyes I am dancing with NED until the day my oncologist tells me that I am not - but may that day never come.
I hope this lengthy post has been of some help. You CAN do this. IRENE
I'm not triple neg. but I did have to go back for a mastectomy after a lumpectomy because the margins weren't clean. That was 2 years ago, and I just had a clean MRI and mammo.I don't think it is uncommon for the surgeon to decide that a mastectomy is needed after looking at the margins.I did chemo and rads and really had no major issue with either. Don't be afraid of radiation. It was much easier (in my opinion) than chemo.
Good luck.
Dee0 -
Not triple negative either but Her2 positive
which also is an aggressive cancer. I opted for a mastectomy myself.
I needed peace of mind. I could just see myself looking at my breast
always wondering if they got it all.
I just want to tell you one thing, keep stress far, far away from yourself.
Getting stressed would be the biggest disservice you can do to yourself.
You have already put your body through a lot, it needs every ounce of
energy it can get to recover.
It is only natural to be afraid, I was too, I cried,I screamed, I let it out.
Then I faced my brutal facts and made peace with them. Since then I
have never looked back and am concentrating on the here and now.
EVERY day I do at least 3 good things for myself,that's my new rule.
Most days those 3 things are large cup of freshly juiced veggies,
Yoga, a walk and on some days I dance, YES I dance... life goes by
so fast, whether we smile or frown.
I understand you concern for your daughters. But now it is time to
think of you and you only. Take control of your healing process,
this also helps shift your focus to some positive. Make memories
with your daughters, don't waste a moment. Don't worry about
the why's. There's no rhyme or reason, tiny toddlers have cancer...
Sorry if I cam across bossy but I wish someone had told me these
exact words when I was my dark day.. wait someone did - the wonderful Ladies of this board!
I encourage you to write more often, you write beautifully, I read your poem.
Maybe that can be a way of reducing your anxiety,share your thoughts and feelings.
Lotsa love,
Ayse0 -
TNBC
I am triple negative, first diagnosed in 2/08. Stage 0, DCIS - had lumpectomy with no clean margins so had to go back a month later for mastectomy. I didn't have chemo or radiation at that time, although in hindsight, I should have. I had reconstruction (implant). Then 2 years later, it returned under my mastectomy scar site; this time it was 8cm, Stage 3C. I was terrified. I had chemo first to shrink the tumor (dose-dense- 4 A/C then 4 Taxol). It shrank to .5 cm. so that was good. Had another mastectomy to remove the implant plus a lot more tissue plus 14 lymph nodes - 1 was positive, then 32 rounds of radiation. The radiation was much easier than the chemo. But once I found out that there would be no further PET scan or diagnostic tests of any kind unless I had obvious symptoms, I was in a state of severe depression and was convinced I was going to die. The dr. was saying what symptoms to watch for, but by then it would be Stage 4. I must say that the wonderful ladies on this site saved my sanity by their wise words. They convinced me to "live for each day" and not to worry about the future. As hard as that was to accept, I know that their advice was right. I don't know what I would have done without them. This place is so blessed with wonderful women who have been where I am and they eased my mind immensely. I cannot tell you how thankful I am that this site is available - you will find that as well. Hugs to you. Linda0 -
Try to stay positiveaysemari said:Not triple negative either but Her2 positive
which also is an aggressive cancer. I opted for a mastectomy myself.
I needed peace of mind. I could just see myself looking at my breast
always wondering if they got it all.
I just want to tell you one thing, keep stress far, far away from yourself.
Getting stressed would be the biggest disservice you can do to yourself.
You have already put your body through a lot, it needs every ounce of
energy it can get to recover.
It is only natural to be afraid, I was too, I cried,I screamed, I let it out.
Then I faced my brutal facts and made peace with them. Since then I
have never looked back and am concentrating on the here and now.
EVERY day I do at least 3 good things for myself,that's my new rule.
Most days those 3 things are large cup of freshly juiced veggies,
Yoga, a walk and on some days I dance, YES I dance... life goes by
so fast, whether we smile or frown.
I understand you concern for your daughters. But now it is time to
think of you and you only. Take control of your healing process,
this also helps shift your focus to some positive. Make memories
with your daughters, don't waste a moment. Don't worry about
the why's. There's no rhyme or reason, tiny toddlers have cancer...
Sorry if I cam across bossy but I wish someone had told me these
exact words when I was my dark day.. wait someone did - the wonderful Ladies of this board!
I encourage you to write more often, you write beautifully, I read your poem.
Maybe that can be a way of reducing your anxiety,share your thoughts and feelings.
Lotsa love,
Ayse
I am very sorry that you have had a bad pathology report. The biggest mistake you can make that your disappointing is happening for a reason. Please do not judge yourself we all have tendency to do so. The size of the tumor should not determine your determination to fight. Please talk to your doctor, we do have TN encouraging examples here.
Mine was not TN, however I have had lumpectomy 4.0x4.0 cm with no clear margins, and then 3 weeks later mastectomy with tumor size 6.5 cm with no clear margins too, and had to have a third one with skin re-excision. It was 3 years ago.
if you can find a good phycologist or in-person support group it could be helpful. there are support groups for partners too, however my husband never attended any. Please seek additional help and inspiration.
Wishing you effective treatment and many happy years with your family.
New Flower0 -
Not Triple Negativelinpsu said:TNBC
I am triple negative, first diagnosed in 2/08. Stage 0, DCIS - had lumpectomy with no clean margins so had to go back a month later for mastectomy. I didn't have chemo or radiation at that time, although in hindsight, I should have. I had reconstruction (implant). Then 2 years later, it returned under my mastectomy scar site; this time it was 8cm, Stage 3C. I was terrified. I had chemo first to shrink the tumor (dose-dense- 4 A/C then 4 Taxol). It shrank to .5 cm. so that was good. Had another mastectomy to remove the implant plus a lot more tissue plus 14 lymph nodes - 1 was positive, then 32 rounds of radiation. The radiation was much easier than the chemo. But once I found out that there would be no further PET scan or diagnostic tests of any kind unless I had obvious symptoms, I was in a state of severe depression and was convinced I was going to die. The dr. was saying what symptoms to watch for, but by then it would be Stage 4. I must say that the wonderful ladies on this site saved my sanity by their wise words. They convinced me to "live for each day" and not to worry about the future. As hard as that was to accept, I know that their advice was right. I don't know what I would have done without them. This place is so blessed with wonderful women who have been where I am and they eased my mind immensely. I cannot tell you how thankful I am that this site is available - you will find that as well. Hugs to you. Linda
I am not triple negative, I have IBC. I totally understand your fears as I also received a bad pathology report last week. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Please stay strong and fight hard. You are not alone, all of your pink sisters are right here. We are hugging you and sending you positive thoughts.
Please keep us updated
Hugs,
Dawne0 -
Tripple Neg
I am tripple negative and am just starting chemo. I guess I won't worry about whether I need a masectomy later as I had made my mind up earlier that I would be ok with it if it was necessary. I had a tumor that was stage 2 6.6cm at it's widest. How I still squeaked by with stage 2 is beyond me. grade 3 tumor. 2 out of 15 nodes were positive for cancer.
I am a strong matriarchal figure and though my children are grown I still think of all the positive influence on my grandchildren that I have had. Of course I want it to continue. However, I have laid some good groundwork so I can be at peace with the work I have done. No I do not anticipate dying within the next 20 years but feel that my ducks are in a row if the unwanted occurs.
Remember this. "God is in control." This is what a dear friend reminded me when I went to speak to him regarding my diagnosis. I nearly panicked when I thought of the fact that I could get chemo brain. The reason for the panic was this. I had worked 4/12 years after getting a Masters Degree in Social Work. I lost that job and still have college debt. (I was a late commer to higher education). While in college I found out how smart I really was as I had gotten into an accademic fraterninty as a junior, which meant that I was supposed to be in the upper 5th percentile of the nation to even be invited to join. So the thought of chemo brain had scared me to death because I always counted on that higher education to carry me and my disabled husband through the latter years of life.
Well I came to the conclusion that if I got chemo brain I would probably still be happy as I am a happy camper already. If I didn't get chemo brain then maybe I could start working in this area in some way, shape, or form. Since I work in mental health, and have worked with developmentally disabled, perhaps chemo brain would not be a big stretch in the sense that both of these are neurological in natrue. I think chemo brain would be the altering of some of our neurochemistry as well at least in the short term as it may return to normal. So yes all my previous hopes and dreams went down the drian in rather short order. However, I feel that I may have been given new marching orders from "The Boss" (and I do not mean the one on earth).0 -
I am also triple negative,
I am also triple negative, stage 2A, no lymph node involvement. I am a little confused on why your surgeon didn't clear the margins before your chemo. My margins were clear, but the surgeon said if they were not clear he would go back and clear it before chemo.
Triple negative is aggressive and I can relate to your concerns. I have two younger children and know how you feel. They are my biggest reason for fighting this fight. I decided at the beginning of this battle that I will not let this cancer take control of my life. I have managed to lead a fairly "normal" life through my chemo and hope I can continue through the rest of my treatments.
I can imagine how disappointed you are that the chemo did not get all of the cancer. That would be so discouraging. Good luck on your surgery and radiation. Try to keep a positive attitude. You CAN do this.0 -
I am TNBC
Stage 1C, Med grade, 0/4. I've had 2 lumpectomies (for clean margins), 6 rounds of T/C, 33 rads and my 3month checkup was 2 weeks ago. I understand your fears--I have them also. I'm married almost 1.5 years (my first and at 57, who would have thought?) and was diagnosed 4 months after the wedding. I did the most agressive treatment suggested and I asked my onc, "how do I deal with the fear of recurrence"? He said time will lessen the fear, and if I make it past 2 years then the survival rate goes up comparable to other breast cancers.
Check out this website which is dedicated to TNBC:
www.tnbcfoundation.org
The only reason I could think of that this happened to me is that I needed to learn compassion for people with chronic illnesses...hard way to learn.
Good luck,
JoAnn0 -
I have young children, 14
I have young children, 14 and 10. And the cancer is triple neg and IBC. I completed 6 rounds of TAC, bilateral mastectomy, and 44 rounds of rads. The good part of my surgical pathology was clean margins, but 12 of 14 lymph nodes were positive, and "spots" of cancer were found throughout the breast tissue. I chose to think this was good news and that chemo worked because the "spots" shrank from "sheets", the 2cm tumor was gone, and the 4cm lymph node shrank to normal size.
My darkest times are when I think about my daughter growing up without me, she's the 10 year old. I know my son and husband will struggle and eventually be ok. But I worry more about my daughter. So I spent some time thinking about specifically what I was worried about. After lots of thinking, it comes down to I don't think she's ready for the girl stuff...getting her period, dealing with boys as she gets older, and dealing with 'mean' girls in middle school and high school, peer pressure, etc. So without talking about the possibility of my health getting worse, my daughter and I have started having some good conversations and reading some books about all this stuff. It was almost time for it anyway, but now I feel more in control.
And I have started putting some plans in place if the worst should happen and if I should get mets. I have a list of things I will get done, conversations I will have if it happens. But these things aren't necessary just yet. Again, it's about me having some level of control. I learned a long time ago, that there are things where I don't have control or choice...but I do take control and make choices where I can.
So ultimately, I'm a do-er not a worry-er. I don't spend much time on the 'what if's' (unless it's to plan for them) or on the 'why, why me'. It just is, and I can't change that. But if I feel like I'm doing something about it, I feel better and that is what keeps the worry at bay for me.
I agree with the advice to get help, talk to a professional, and/or get meds to help. This is a huge deal and there is no shame in seeking and getting help.
I hope you are able to find peace.
Hugs,
Linda0 -
Not triple neg
but did have bilateral mastectomy June 2010. I had Invasive Lobular Carcinoma 6.1 cm tumor, Grade 2, Stage 2. My other breast had Lobular Carcinoma in Situ. I'm the 5th in my family with bc and my risk for recurrence was higher. So, I had 6 rounds of Taxotere/Cytoxan and 28 rads. My heart goes out to you and hope that all goes well and you recover quickly. Try to stay positive and ask onc every question you can think of.
{{hugs}} Char0 -
You are in my thoughts andTexasgirl10 said:Not Triple Negative
I am not triple negative, I have IBC. I totally understand your fears as I also received a bad pathology report last week. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Please stay strong and fight hard. You are not alone, all of your pink sisters are right here. We are hugging you and sending you positive thoughts.
Please keep us updated
Hugs,
Dawne
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs, Diane0 -
TNBCjoannstar said:I am TNBC
Stage 1C, Med grade, 0/4. I've had 2 lumpectomies (for clean margins), 6 rounds of T/C, 33 rads and my 3month checkup was 2 weeks ago. I understand your fears--I have them also. I'm married almost 1.5 years (my first and at 57, who would have thought?) and was diagnosed 4 months after the wedding. I did the most agressive treatment suggested and I asked my onc, "how do I deal with the fear of recurrence"? He said time will lessen the fear, and if I make it past 2 years then the survival rate goes up comparable to other breast cancers.
Check out this website which is dedicated to TNBC:
www.tnbcfoundation.org
The only reason I could think of that this happened to me is that I needed to learn compassion for people with chronic illnesses...hard way to learn.
Good luck,
JoAnn
Thanks so much JoAnn for your encouragement. I have actually looked thoroughly at the TNBC website and it has been very helpful.0 -
Thank youGabe N Abby Mom said:I have young children, 14
I have young children, 14 and 10. And the cancer is triple neg and IBC. I completed 6 rounds of TAC, bilateral mastectomy, and 44 rounds of rads. The good part of my surgical pathology was clean margins, but 12 of 14 lymph nodes were positive, and "spots" of cancer were found throughout the breast tissue. I chose to think this was good news and that chemo worked because the "spots" shrank from "sheets", the 2cm tumor was gone, and the 4cm lymph node shrank to normal size.
My darkest times are when I think about my daughter growing up without me, she's the 10 year old. I know my son and husband will struggle and eventually be ok. But I worry more about my daughter. So I spent some time thinking about specifically what I was worried about. After lots of thinking, it comes down to I don't think she's ready for the girl stuff...getting her period, dealing with boys as she gets older, and dealing with 'mean' girls in middle school and high school, peer pressure, etc. So without talking about the possibility of my health getting worse, my daughter and I have started having some good conversations and reading some books about all this stuff. It was almost time for it anyway, but now I feel more in control.
And I have started putting some plans in place if the worst should happen and if I should get mets. I have a list of things I will get done, conversations I will have if it happens. But these things aren't necessary just yet. Again, it's about me having some level of control. I learned a long time ago, that there are things where I don't have control or choice...but I do take control and make choices where I can.
So ultimately, I'm a do-er not a worry-er. I don't spend much time on the 'what if's' (unless it's to plan for them) or on the 'why, why me'. It just is, and I can't change that. But if I feel like I'm doing something about it, I feel better and that is what keeps the worry at bay for me.
I agree with the advice to get help, talk to a professional, and/or get meds to help. This is a huge deal and there is no shame in seeking and getting help.
I hope you are able to find peace.
Hugs,
Linda
Thank you so much Linda. I appreciate your feedback and support. You're right - it is what it is. I am so grateful for you and the other ladies on this forum.0 -
I am not triple negative,emamei said:TNBC
Thanks so much JoAnn for your encouragement. I have actually looked thoroughly at the TNBC website and it has been very helpful.
I am not triple negative, but, I am a pink sister to you, and, want you to know that I am praying for you. You are not alone in this. We all are here for you always.
Hugs, Jan0 -
I am not triple negative,cahjah75 said:Not triple neg
but did have bilateral mastectomy June 2010. I had Invasive Lobular Carcinoma 6.1 cm tumor, Grade 2, Stage 2. My other breast had Lobular Carcinoma in Situ. I'm the 5th in my family with bc and my risk for recurrence was higher. So, I had 6 rounds of Taxotere/Cytoxan and 28 rads. My heart goes out to you and hope that all goes well and you recover quickly. Try to stay positive and ask onc every question you can think of.
{{hugs}} Char
I am not triple negative, but wanted to share with you that a new friend I met at our last relay for life several weeks ago was, had to end up going back for a mastectomy and is doing well 4 years later. She has had no signs of recurrance anywhere since then. I am sorry you need more surgery and have this worry with which to contend. Please know that we are here for you and my prayers are with you as we speak. (((HUGS)))
Nancy0 -
I am not triple neg. but didBioAdoptMom said:I am not triple negative,
I am not triple negative, but wanted to share with you that a new friend I met at our last relay for life several weeks ago was, had to end up going back for a mastectomy and is doing well 4 years later. She has had no signs of recurrance anywhere since then. I am sorry you need more surgery and have this worry with which to contend. Please know that we are here for you and my prayers are with you as we speak. (((HUGS)))
Nancy
I am not triple neg. but did have a local recurrence after mastectomy in 1995. although dissapointing, it does not mean your chemo was not effective, it just did not clear all the cancer cells out of the breast. That is how it was explained to me. so I ended up with radiation and have had not furthur issues. so now you are dealing with how to treat the cancer locally and it can be stubborn. I had mastectomy for an 8 mm tumor, because of scattered dcis. Hard to believe it required this surgery but it did. Unfortunately not all of us can have the breast saving surgery. Do not lose faith, it is does not mean it will metastisize it just means you have to have more extensive surgery, which stinks!0
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