May 08, 2011 - 6:40 pm
I am trying to be a caregiver for a friend who was diagnosed in March with Hodgkins Lymphoma. He called me to come to the hospital where they admitted him. Turns out his cancer had went to two of his vertebra and that is why he was having back pain. I have been with him every since. I stayed at the hospital and moved over here to help. Since I have not worked...I am self employed selling - so now trying to find a new job and get back on my feet. My friend and I have had ups and downs and I annoy him so much trying to help him. I feel so bad because I really want to stick with him through this. Today he told me to get out and I have no where to go. I don't want to leave either, so he has gone to sleep and I am still washing some blankets for him. I was giving him a blanket earlier today and did not realize he set his ice cream on the couch and I must have touched the spoon with the blanket. He got mad and threw the spoon at me so I picked it up and carried it to the kitchen sink to get a new one. I threw it in the sink out of frustration and he got so mad and told me to get out of his house. I left but I came back now and he is in his bedroom and won't come out. I think he is asleep. He has a hot head even without the cancer chemo but this and the pain meds and chemo and a slight infection is just making his moods worst.
I said I was sorry. He got so angry so now I just don't want to go. I am not his girlfriend. His family lives in another state several states away. Gosh to me it seems like I am his sounding board, for his frustration, but I am also trying to help, but I get on his nerves. Should I try to stay and help but maybe stay low for a bit? I have been called every name in the book so far. I take it because I know he is frustrated. I know how cancer is rough. I just lost my sister at end of December from cancer and my mom three years ago from cancer. My other sister has stage one lymphoma so they are just keeping check on it. So to lose a friend now? The doctors say he has a very good chance of recovery. Do I have to lose a friendship because he gets so upset at me all the time? I give him his meds, bring him water and etc. Fix meals for him, wash clothes and try to clean the house. I guess if he insist I have to go, but I feel so bad and really am determined to see him through this. He does have a girlfriend but she has two small kids and is finishing a divorce so she can't be here all the time to help. I wish I could just say or do the right thing. I really am determined to stick this out to help him get through this. I feel rotten right now. Really? Is this the end of a friendship because of something so crazy?