Update on visit to the Oncologist

Hi all
Just wanted to update you all on Marks visit to the Oncologist, I get so full of hope when we go well its more like hope and despair all kind of mixed up the hope is that they will say actually we have made a mistake and Mark is not Stage iv, and the despair is that actually Mark is definately Stage iv. We had a good discussion on where we need to go next, unfortunately NZ is a little behind America and it is a Public Health System and we do not fund Herceptin even though Mark has tested positive for the HER2 gene, we are in the process of asking for the funding, but the Oncologist doesn't give us to much hope, we have been told to privately fund it, it could cost us tens of thousands of dollars, those of you who have either had herceptin or have cared for those who have used herceptin, how good is it, if i thought it was worth those sorts of dollars I would happily sell the house to fund it, needless to say mark is really anti this so feed back would be great.
Initially Mark could not have radiation with his Chemo as the Mass covered to large an area and the radiologist felt it would be detrimental to other major organs, we are having another scan to see if now radiation could be an option, heres where it gets a bit tricky, that old question, the big cannons or not, my husband is 45 years old we have 3 children all boys 14,13 and 9 My husband wants so much to be with them as they grow up and is keen to try anything on offer, but again quality vs quantity!!!. Mark is now booked to get his throat stretched in the hope that eating will become easier. You know this truly is an awful disease, one that robs families of so much, I know there is no right or wrong answer and everyone has to make their own decisions, however I would reallly appreciate your ideas and thoughts, seriously going through a rough time, hoping all this makes sense and thanks in advance for your feedback.
Ann