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The Sign On My Front Door

AnnaLeigh's picture
AnnaLeigh
Posts: 177
Joined: Jan 2010

NOTICE TO ALL WHO ENTER HERE ---------------

I am not broken. I am simply grieving. Please do not try to fix me.

I WILL talk about my departed husband. He is still a huge part of me and always will be.

I am being very self-indulgent and compassionate with myself at this time. Don't be surprised if I still have on my pajamas at 4:00 pm.

I still need kindness and a caring shoulder to cry on.

I may not be ready to make any changes or big decisions about my life yet. Those will come with time.

I need people who are willing to listen without judgement.

I will get through this process so please extend all of the patience you possibly can.

I am strong and I will get stronger as time moves on.

*********************So..........what would the sign on your door say?

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1610
Joined: Aug 2009

You have hit the high points. Mine, now, would probably be "Let's do lunch." That has become my main meal and I love company. I might also add:

It's ok if I tear up or even cry. You can, too. Neither one of us should be embarrassed by a few tears.

Grieving takes time, my timetable not yours. Don't expect me to just "get over it" because that ain't going to happen.

Some days are harder than others. Know that even I don't know what might make me sad at any given moment.

Hugs, I need hugs!

Fay

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

"Please pardon the dust, new life under construction"!

Pardon the dust, tears, mood swings. Pardon if I am all enthused about something one minute, and not interested the next. Pardon if all I can do is speak of my beloved husband at times. Pardon if I don't say much at other times.

I think you all understand and get the picture. These are difficult times in our lives, to say the least. I am blessed that so many are good to me, don't expect changes over night, but when they see that I am having a good day they are there to share it with me! They are also there when I am having a bad day, and they realize that nothing they can say will make this all go away, so they don't try. They just listen and hand me tissues! Just now I received a text from a wonderful neighbor asking if all was well and working in my house. This same neighbor cut and split a whole downed oak tree for me a couple of months ago!

I pray that all of us can one day soon begin to see light at the end of this tunnel called "grief".

Hugs for you all,

Lucy

AnnaLeigh's picture
AnnaLeigh
Posts: 177
Joined: Jan 2010

Lucy,

I love the description "new life under construction". This is the point most people don't understand. We are not carrying on with our old life - minus our husband - we are now having to learn a whole new way of life and living.

Thank goodness for great neighbors and friends who know how to be there for us without trying to solve our tears or put a band aid on the hurt so that it goes away.

The hurt only goes away when its time has run out.

Thanks for sharing that with us.

AnnaLeigh's picture
AnnaLeigh
Posts: 177
Joined: Jan 2010

Grandma Fay,

You are so right. Some days I can get through most anything and some days ANYTHING will set me off. We can't schedule or determine which days will be the rough ones.

You have added so much perspective to these discussions boards and we are grateful for your presence.

Thank you for hanging around to hold our hands.

tanker sgv's picture
tanker sgv
Posts: 128
Joined: Nov 2010

My sign would read the same as yours.....well put not much else to add acept please leave meals at the door, thanks. Oh and I would change the departed husband part, to my mom....I am so sorry for your loss , and thank you for your post it has helped me understand where I'm at .

Stargzr
Posts: 47
Joined: Mar 2011

I would just add:

I am not ready to move my husband's shoes from their usual place by the door. If you disapprove, say nothing.

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Anna,
You sound like you are having a rough time like I did after my husband died one year ago. I didn't even want to answer the phone. I went for help and was put on meds which I didn't want to take , but helped me alot. Are you getting any help???
This takes time and we will never get over losing our loves, but people don't understand unless they've gone through it. My sister asked me one month after tom died when I was still crying, "when are you going to get over this"? What? I was shocked and she said I should move on.
So maybe the sign on your door say :Lady in Waiting"! I'm sure you are waiting for the day when you can feel okay again right??? Please take your time & please come to talk to us when you need someone who understands, okay??? Bless You! Carole

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