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"The Silver Tongued Devil and I"

soccerfreaks's picture
soccerfreaks
Posts: 2801
Joined: Sep 2006

(Kris Kristofferson reference)

I have been wrestling with ways to eliminate trolls from this site (even though I am not being paid to do so, and so must just be a total nerd). I thought of a number of techno items (and passed these on), but they don't work with creeps. Creeps are like cockroaches and they just multiply. The more you do to get rid of them, it seems, the more they multiply.

Some of us ponder the mentality of people who pretend to have cancer, or who pretend to be doctors, or who, in fact, pretend to be heroes of wars. We ponder, more so, the tenacity of some of these people, what drives them to these places where they go in their minds, what drives them to hurt others for their own satisifaction, what makes them think that self-attention, self-aggrandizement, is worth what they do to others.

I, for one, have not figured it out. It is enough for me, for the moment, to say that they have serious mental issues. At one point I even suggested to folks on this site that we should not throw them out but welcome them because they need help even more than any of us ever do. You and I might die, after all, but they have to live with this.

We have cancer.

They have issues.

Some of them are now threatening users, if they have not done so before, and this makes it not just a serious problem here, but perhaps even something of a legal issue.

They have issues.

They are, of course, bullies, and fit the bully mode: I will hurt you from far away so that you cannot hurt me, because I am, in fact, a weak link in the food chain and would be afraid to confront you face to face.

That is what they are.

Cowards.

I would, frankly, challenge any of them to meet me face to face, despite my dimished weight and muscle mass, but that is not the way to do business, that is not the way to act like an adult.

I try to act like an adult when I can.

It is probably time, instead, for those of us on the 'Heart of Soul" soul train (what kind of name is that anyway? Good God! Is this guy still in the 80s? Disco ball flashing?) to get off at the next stop.

For someone who wrote to a number of women, a lot of women, professing his care for cancer survivors, he certainly shows no such concern.

And yeah, I'd like to meet the guy. I'd really like to meet the guy. But he's the kind who only shows up when the lights are out.

(No more of these posts either. Just a head's up.)

beatlemike
Posts: 54
Joined: Jul 2005

Im not sure what your posting about Joe but I agree that people who intimidate or threaten others online are cowards and if need be turned over to the law. One other thing Joe that I need to come clean on. I am not and never have been one of the Beatles! Just wishful thinking.(smiles)

cabbott
Posts: 1046
Joined: Aug 2006

Unfortunately I have met and heard about some of your "trolls" on this website, not that it has stopped me from coming "here". The very first couple of times I went on the chatroom years ago, a man started threatening me for money (didn't I "care" and why wouldn't I want to "help" him?). Fortunately another survivor quickly told the webmaster about him and that problem disappeared. Another time someone pretended to have breast cancer on another board. I somehow missed most of the drama but came in on the posts from survivors that found out that they had been played with. It was a nasty game and they were very bitter about it. Again, telling the folks at CSN took care of it. Lately the worst thing I've seen is the folks that pretend to be cancer survivors and make posts about the treatment they are selling on some other website. The treatments are nothing more than snake oil. Often they are flagged before I get to them. Sometimes I've had the pleasure of sending in the first post to ask that they be checked out. Because I go to two different boards, I notice when the posts are sent to multiple boards. If they really had a treatment that worked, it would make the front pages of all the newspapers in the world. I just wish that all the readers at this site realized that and armed themselves against salespersons that want to get rich off of gullible patients or their families. We have enough to deal with without such rotters.

sissylu1
Posts: 66
Joined: Jan 2011

When I first signed on to this web site I was feeling pretty depressed and looking for support from a group who had been in my shoes..I signed onto the on-line chat for all of 2 minutes because the talk soon turned in the direction of peoples sex lives..I'm not interested in that, if I wanted that I would sign onto an adult web site certainly not a cancer survivors network so I stick to the discussion boards which I find extremly helpful. It' too bad there are always a few who ruin it for the rest of everyone else whose motives are pure..but fear no evil-I am a big beliver in karma and sooner or later it will come back and bite them in thier ass! But you are soooo right, these people who pray on the vulnerability of others are truly cowards, I am a licensed Mental Health Professional and I know from which I speak.

soccerfreaks's picture
soccerfreaks
Posts: 2801
Joined: Sep 2006

In defense of the chat room

sissy, thanks for the comments. I am not sure, clearly, what you mean when you say the conversation turned to personal sex lives, but would encourage you to re-visit the room at your convenience, to give it another chance.

As a mental health professional, you must be aware of the therapeutic value of the sort of immediate feedback that a chat room can provide, and if you feel it would be of assistance to you, please give it another chance.

That said, let me tell you a little story about my own history in the chat room: I had only been in chatrooms very briefly, out of sheer curiousity, prior to visiting the CSN room, even though I had been involved in the computer industry since way back in 1980. When I came into the chat room, I was frankly shocked by the atmosphere -- these people were talking about anything and everything BUT cancer! I was mystified AND appalled. Beyond that, people started asking me what I considered personal questions about cancer immediately, many of which, to be candid, I didn't even know the answers to!

So I did what you did (although admittedly I might have stayed had it seemed like a sex chat was going on :) JUST JOKING!).

I did come back, however, and I came to realize that part of what draws people to the chat room is the ability to talk about anything BUT cancer with fellow survivors and caregivers. My guess is that when talking to others, those who have not had the experience of cancer, there is a strong undercurrent (or we at least assume one), that simply isn't in the room, because there, cancer just is. If that makes any sense: it is not part of the conversation (unless we need for it to or want for it to be, of course) because it is a given, something clearly not true of our conversations with those outside of the community, for want of a better phrase.

So, yes, there is talk of food, of kids and grandkids, of work and wives and husbands, moms and dads, more food, and, yes, a bit of sexual innuendo from time to time, teasing and flirting is how I would describe it, among seasoned vets who are very familiar with one another.

But the main focus, always, or so it seems to me, is to provide support and comfort to survivors and caregivers. And I know a sizeable number of folks who have considered it a great form of free therapy.

The 'personal questions' I protested originally, are of course part of the process of those in the room getting to know us, what our experiences have been, perhaps what we still have to look forward to. (And by personal, I really am only speaking of those cancer-related: what kind of cancer, where, how long, what treatment, those sorts of things -- nothing to do with where you live or what your personal email is or phone numbers, or whatever.)

I've rambled here, and it sounds as though your experience was such that you may not return anyway, but at least I have tried to explain the value of the room, and what goes on in there, and why.

Take care,

Joe

beatlemike
Posts: 54
Joined: Jul 2005

Sissy, I agree with Joe that maybe you should give it another try if you want to chat. I dont go often but when I do I have always found a warm welcome. Sometimes the conversation takes many differant directions but any time the subject of cancer or a question someone may have about treatment or cancer in general,it seems to get everyones attention.

sissylu1
Posts: 66
Joined: Jan 2011

I do understand that those of us with a cancer diagnosis want to reach out to others and often the last thing they want to talk about is cancer..I'm 51 years old and even though I am pretty computer literate I don't have any experience on chat sites so I was a bit thrown off when I got on the site, was warmly welcomed, asked what they were talking about and the topic of conversation was sex..by no means am I a prude but it was "how often" "when was the last time"..etc..thats when I decided the discussion boards were more for me..I am not judging here and I know one negative experience should not taint the entire site it just threw me for a loop I guess at a time when I didn't need another loop to be thrown at me!

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