Apr 28, 2011 - 11:20 pm
I don't know if it's just me, or if what I'm sensing is real.
The problem is my wife and our relationship.
This week, I took a pre-op stress test, and the EKG showed abnormalities. So, they did a angiogram, and thankfully found that there were no blockages that required immediate treatment. However, because of the angiogram, I'm now not able to lift heavy items, and do heavier labor, so my wife had to do more than she's used to. We have an 8 month old, and I believe I've been doing quite a bit before this to help out around the house, while being also the only income earner, so you can imagine it's not easy for me either. (I cook most of the meals after I come home from work, I give half the baths to the baby, etc).
Because I'm slightly incapacitated, my wife is giving me the cold shoulder. It is not so straight forward. Her dad passed 11 years ago from a rare disease and needed care. Her mom has stage IV lung cancer. And she started complaining to me that I have to let her be the jerk she's being because of her past and having seen her mom be the caregiver for her dad while he was sick.
While I understand the tragedies that have befallen her during her life, I don't fully buy it. It's not like suddenly she's doing all the work herself! I'm still trying to do what I can. And it's not like I can't take care of myself as needed. All she's added was extra baby work, for the stuff I can't do temporarily. (like lift him - to give baths and what not). And of course, this isn't exactly the support I need from my wife. I don't need cold shoulders. I don't need the silent treatment. I don't need her telling me how it's harder on her than it is on me, when I have the hole in my side from the angio, and will have a few more from the LPN next month. I also know, if I treated her mom during her struggles with cancer, it'd be UNFORGIVEABLE, but she does it to me.
It's only been 1 day since the angiogram, and I feel like she's showing her true self and is not able to give me support, because she can't hack it. To the point, I have serious concerns this relationship won't work anymore. At this point, I really don't want her with me at the surgery, and I'd rather just deal with this myself with my parents and siblings... without her.
Am I being unreasonable? Is she being reasonable? Anyone else have similar experiences they can share and what this means, if anything, or it's just one of those things that naturally happen to families with cancer?
Thanks for your ears/eyes.