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CT Scan coming up!

tears2overcome
Posts: 98
Joined: Jan 2010

Here it is near 3am and im awake. I even took one of my heavy pills for pain to try and get some sleep, and here I am. Last nite fell asleep thinking of it, woke up dreamt i could see my insides and I was scared, is this a omen, do I have something to worry about???
So next friday the 29th is my ct scan, and I worry, fighting cancer for second time has bummed me out. I have not gotten back to the true fighter I am, afraid every twinge means "its spread" "im not gona make it". I have no pain, am working doing what I can when I can, .....yet i should be so proud of this effort. I dont' take any meds for any pain, except tonite to try sleep. I should be proud.....shouldn't I??
I told my GP,(doc) I need a Pyschiatrist to help me thru this.. Many have said how strong I am, what an inspriation I am, and how do you do it Brenda, how do you work and keep going when they say they couldn't... I do it mostly to keep my mind busy, it doesn't always work, and when I stop being busy I worry, feel scared and want answers to why, why do I have cancer and how will this test turn out?? I won't get results until I go following week for my chemo, who knows how many more after this scan, or will chemo be able to help me, so much emotional stress I am putting myself thru.
Who could I share this with other than the ppl on here who are going thru it or have someone going thru it. Emotionally not so healthy these days. My family told me to think postive ,be positive......I AM TRYING, BUT FEEL LIKE IM LOSING!

UKLady's picture
UKLady
Posts: 85
Joined: Jan 2011

Brenda,

Waiting for the scan is so hard, waiting for the results harder, I know. We meet on chat some times and yes you are a fighter. Of course I see it from the caregiver as well as patient view as you know-not many people know that my own cancer came out of remission recently- but waiting is waiting. I only know that oddly hospice at home for Steve has freed up time for me to think so I am with you on the keep the mind busy- the last few days have had some very shaky moments in them despite spending time with some good people. It feels pretty surreal at times now I got to stop a little. We know you are trying and having spoken to you, I know you are trying. Just know we caregiver or patient understand the roller coaster of it all.

special thoughts with you today girl

Lyndsey

tears2overcome
Posts: 98
Joined: Jan 2010

Thank you for your supporting letter UK. It is hard some days much tuffer than others and yes im a fighter but it's always the opposite thots. I continue to try this easter sunday, and hopes that we all have good news.
It does seem like you have your hands in both areas, bless you for supporting me when you have so much going on in your life... Thank you .......Bless you......Brenda

neverquit
Posts: 221
Joined: Oct 2010

Brenda. I am hoping and praying that your CT scan shows not good, but GREAT results! It always feels good to me when someone has good news and is kicking cancer's butt! Mike (my husband) passed away three months ago and a dying wish of his was that no one would ever have to lose to cancer again. So when someone gets good results, I feel it is a victory for Mike and what he wanted most. Hugs and prayers to you!

zinniemay's picture
zinniemay
Posts: 534
Joined: Mar 2009

Brenda, Like Willie Nelson said you are always on my mind. Maybe we get by with a little help from our friends. I don't know but like to think, that everything will be good for everyone.
You are a positive person , but sometimes ever people who think positive have thoughts they can not control. That is human. I wish every time someone is afraid or scared I could write just the right thing to say to make them feel better. I know I can not but yet I want to try. I think the world of you Brenda, I would hug you from one end of the room to the other if I could .I would always want to tell you everything will be ok. That is what we try to do is show that positive side. I admire you for that. Saying that I know you and once in a while you need to get mad ! say a few bad words and let it go.
I will tell you this if you need to talk..call me...if you need to call and cry ...call me. If you need me to kick your bottom ...I will. If I can do anything to help you I would.
You are my friend I care .

VeryAnxious
Posts: 67
Joined: Sep 2010

Try to be positive and keep praying. No you are not alone. Please take care. We all have those feeling of lonliness and fear.

tears2overcome
Posts: 98
Joined: Jan 2010

The time came and went just as fast. I now have to wait until Wednesday for results. I want to thank you all for your kind words. For husband Mike bless your words, and for you sharing his greatest wish. I wish there wasn't anything like cancer, but sometimes i think if it wasnt' this would it be worse disease out there. Gosh what a thing to think of.
I prayed a good prayer this morning, asking for great results not only today but everyday from here on in. To have mercy on me and help me keep this in remission for long long time .......and never see it again. Not sure if I will get that prayer, but going to keep praying for it.
I am not sure how I feel today as it's over, the idea of waiting is bothering me and then not so much as i think what if it's grown (tumor) do I really want to know I have another battle to face, but then again I will be told.
Everyone has positive thots I want them too. I want to dream of doing things in future, going to visit ppl I have met here, and just doing what I had planned to do........ I dont' want a disease like cancer to stop me not yet, not now.....i have to much to do and want to do and the list goes on... yet being so grateful for each day I have is indeed a blessing at anytime.
Im sorry for the loss of your husband, and bless you. Jennie your a friend indeed, one day soon gona take the hugs you give me in person and cherish them. Thank u anxious for writing.
God bless

zinniemay's picture
zinniemay
Posts: 534
Joined: Mar 2009

Brenda, This is a hard road we go down, I think since Greg got not so good news maybe just maybe you will be the one to get good news. I I can only pray that you do. I love you like a good friend, I want to send you positive words. I want you to know I ampraying hard for you. I want to be able to get to meet you go out to lunch and maybe even do the hoppy dance with you. Then after we have so much dancing and laughing you can take me out and buy me my Debbie cakes. You are so much in my thoughts. This is a (((((HUG)))) for you to keep you warm.
We have so much to do !!!
Your friend
Jennie

tears2overcome
Posts: 98
Joined: Jan 2010

Thank you so much Jennie, your a great friend too. I am trying to keep busy but every little twitch has me wondering what is wrong. Not sure if I feels scared or what, I don't know if I wanna know results afraid of what it could be, why are so many ppl strong in this area and I am not!
No sense beating this up, it has to be done face the music on wednesday..thank you all for supporting me..

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1560
Joined: Nov 2009

Hey Tears
Always remember the saying that no news is good news! You will be just fine. NED is in your near future!
Keep positive. We are always here for you! Let us know what the results are.
Tina in Va

tears2overcome
Posts: 98
Joined: Jan 2010

My mass is gone, i have a couple herinas and some lesians on my lungs, not sure where that came from a bit worried does this mean lung cancer in future? Hernias from , well I know where they came from thanks to being constipated... ( no on really needs to hear that). Lung part bothers me..... i can't get it off my mind. Dont' get me wrong so happy with results, my fears have subsided for now. I do have one more chemo to go want to make sure to keep this in remission for long time.......
I am so blessed,grateful to everyone who supported me, and for Gods' attention when I prayed. I know pray for many years of clean health, no more re-occurances ever!!!!!
Bless you all for your support letters what more could a person ask for on here, the love thru the modern technology was certainly felt, the open arms and the patience.....I will always be here this is my home, I feel like it is anyway. I could not have better siblings in this here home....... god bless and thank you for your love and support........

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

Glad to hear the good news. Ask your dr your questions. It is better to ask the questions than to worry about them. Drs have a tendency to think we know more than we do at times. Better yet, if you have nurses like we did in our chemo lab, ask one of them. We often got our information from the nurses. If they didn't know, they'd find out for us. Thye did better at explaining things, too.

For now, thank God for the good news you received. Whoohoo! I'm happy for you! Fay

neverquit
Posts: 221
Joined: Oct 2010

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! Our prayers have been answered for you Brenda. I am feeling so happy for you! And I agree, please ask the Dr. what the lung lesions mean. Keep the faith and positive attitude as we are ALL pulling for you. I know my husband was also doing whatever he could in the here after to help you. And I'll bet many others were too. Take care and let us know how you are doing. HUGS!!!!

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