Apr 13, 2011 - 4:19 pm
Hi, I was hoping maybe somebody here could help me understand what is going on with my mother. My father has stage IV lung cancer, diagnosed 6 months ago, chemo didn't work, and started hospice about a month ago. They told us he probably had around a month, and so far, I'm having a hard time believing that, since he's still able to get out of bed and walk around some. (not much, but still a little bit) Anyway, he told my mom that since he is dying anyway, he would like to smoke again (he knows that's how he got here in the first place) My mom had the biggest fit over this, so mad at him and fought with him for even saying it, but talked to me, my brother, and sis-in-law, and we all told her that we didn't think it was a big deal, that's all he can do to make him happy, sit on the porch and smoke a cigarette every once in a while. She finally gave in and bought him some, but then he went outside to have one, and she cried for over an hour, then fought with him again. Also, he told me that she gets upset because when I go visit, I talk to him more than her, and every night before I go to bed, I call and talk to him (her also) and tell him I love him, just in case. Now, I don't ignore her by any means, and I understand she is losing her husband, however, she is fighting with him all the time now, and really upsetting me. I am a daddy's girl, and have never been close to my mom (still love her though)
So, I guess what I'm asking, is this a normal reaction for my mom, the fighting with my dad, the anger (or jealousy?) towards me for paying more attention to him? I don't understand what she is going through, I know that, I'm not there 24 hours a day. Maybe it's me, I'm just so confused. Sometimes she makes it seem to me like she is the only one losing someone, like I'm not losing my dad, my kids aren't losing their pap-pap. Sorry for the rant, just so upset right now, and thought someone here may be able to help.