Apr 11, 2011 - 7:45 pm
I got in trouble today guys. For not being 100% while I am at work and the strain it's causing for my co-workers. They would rather me stay home than to do the best I can while I am there. My timing is off. Not staying caught up and then they don't know when to help. I can barely stop crying and don't have the first idea of a clue what to do about it.
There have been so many days leading up to this that is completely overwhelming, both physically with the surgeries and recovery times and this wretched chemo from hell. Nobody does 100% with these kinds of problems do they? Am I just a weak person here? I work in Customer Service and have to talk all day on the phone, and SOUND pleasant and happy regardless how I feel inside. I feel like a schizoid from time to time LOL.
I don't know what to do, honestly. My greatest fear is being trapped in my house with nowhere to go, nothing that I will be able to do. THAT is insanity to me. I really don't want to go there quicker than I am headed. So I guess tomorrow I think I am going to go into work looking like a Stepford wife and do my best not to get myself in any deeper than I already am.
I thought my co-workers liked me, oh well maybe they just tolerate me. I don't know if I can get through a full day without the desire to strangle someone. Wish me luck.
What a nice Happy Birthday to you, huh?