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Yes..cancer sucks...

Lisa13Q's picture
Lisa13Q
Posts: 683
Joined: Jul 2009

Well.
of corse it was the worse news ever...i am in the car now with mom and sister...growing growing everywhere...stress fracture in her back....taxol is out and avastin starts next week...mom sobbing...wendy and I trying to cope and distract her...i have nothing to say....knew it was coming....

Mum2bellaandwilliam's picture
Mum2bellaandwilliam
Posts: 414
Joined: Oct 2010

Jesus Lisa , I am so sorry, does this **** ever give up. I am unsure what to say , words cannot take the pain away, (( hugs)) Liz xx

Lisa13Q's picture
Lisa13Q
Posts: 683
Joined: Jul 2009

Thanks for the nice note....we start avastin next week....we asked point blank if this is the beginning of the end and the doctor played song and dance......and said she has had people who have had great results from avastin.....so what, we chase this crap for ever until Mom dies? I'm in a bad bad mood...I knew it was going to be bad.......i hate watching my mother cry....

Cindy Bear
Posts: 562
Joined: Jul 2009

There is nothing harder than watching your mother cry, I concur.. My mother cried the night we got the "offical" diagnosis of stage IV uterine cancer . Up till then, I can honestly say, I'd only seen her cry a few times in my whole entire life... Yes cancer sucks I concur on that as well. I can understand how angry, and frustrated and scared you must be right now. No matter how hard we brace ourselves for bad news, this kind of news hits like a sucker punch to the gut. What about pain meds? did the dr. address her pain. We didn't want song and dance, smoke and mirrors either...and at times I really felt like the emperor wasn't wearing any clothes, but at the same time,we were too scared and naive to ask the tough questions.. what if.. what if the treatment doesn't work, what's left in that wizard of oz bag.. I am thinking of you and your mom and sister and hoping for the best.. Hugs, Cindy

Lisa13Q's picture
Lisa13Q
Posts: 683
Joined: Jul 2009

I am soo with you...my sister and I are so different..she's like we should just live for today and be happy and I'm like "you're kidding right?"...... She told me to stop projecting!! Ok whatever...yes I'm angry....than God for this discussion board.....the only place I have to go right now.......thank God.....

poopergirl14052's picture
poopergirl14052
Posts: 1151
Joined: Nov 2010

it truely does. I am sorry for you and your family. I have also heard that avastin has had some good results. How does your mom feel right now and is she willing to try avastin? My personal self would try just about anything they have to stay alive. Hugs and prayer coming your way...val

clamryn's picture
clamryn
Posts: 508
Joined: Jun 2010

Lisa, I am so sorry. I hate this. I hate the whole process. I stay away from the boards for a couple of days because I get so upset when I read someone is going through a rough time. And then I come back because this is the only place that I can vent and get mad and cry. I try not to cry in front of my children because I know they can't stand it. So I go into my room and read the boards and I cry with all of you. Please tell your mom that we all love her.
Sending lots of hugs to all of you.
Linda

Rookerbird's picture
Rookerbird
Posts: 100
Joined: Feb 2011

This is tough...so sorry to hear of the stress everyone feels facing the unknowns of this disease.

Making a commitment to myself to NOT cry in front of my children or my parents. If I have to, I will cry in the neck of my dog or in the shower. I haven't really thought before about how much my feelings/emotions might hurt my loved ones. I'm sorry for the pain everyone feels...

kikz's picture
kikz
Posts: 1270
Joined: Jun 2010

My thoughts and prayers are with you also. Cancer sucks alright. It sucks the life out of patient, family and friends. I wish I could offer some words that would really help you. I am the patient but I have to be strong for my mom who can't stand to see me sick.

Karen

Hissy_Fitz's picture
Hissy_Fitz
Posts: 1869
Joined: Sep 2009

Lisa....I cannot begin to tell you how awful I feel right now. I am devistated for you and your family.

I hope I can hold it together when/if it comes to this for me. I hate the thought of seeing my husband and children cry and grieve. And my grandchildren. One of my granddaughters told me yesterday that she is "so scared" I will die. I said, "Sweetie, we all have to die." And she said she knew that, but she thinks people shouldn't have to lose their grandparents until they are really, really old. (I was afraid to ask her what number was "really, really old." I think she would probably have said forty.)

I have told my children that it won't be a sudden thing, that we will have time - probably several months. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. If I ruled the world, cancer would be the first thing to go. I know that sounds selfish, compared to world peace and genocide. But I'm not in a very benevolent mood tonight. So screw world peace, God, and just give us a cure for cancer. Please.

Carlene

jloe's picture
jloe
Posts: 175
Joined: Sep 2010

Your right and this is horible. I know this is so hard for someone to have to sit back and watch your mom go through this and most times it may be even more diffiucult for the person who has to watch it. I went through it with both of my parents and it was harder when it was my mother. I think what is hard for our parents is that they feel thay are here to protect us and not the other way around. I don't have children but I could see that was one of the tough things for my mom. Her mother was still alive but they had a very stained and unusual relationship and that caused a crap load of stress at the time too. She just did not want me to have to watch her go through the whole process and it just made her so frustrated and sad. Now I'm facing this life treatning disease and it really does suck and I'm sick of it. I have not been on here for a while because I found myself getting so depressed. Some times I just get so tired of worring about it that you just want it over with (not really do I want that). That is very for difficult for me to even admitt but it happened.

Lisa, you are such a gret person to your mother and seem to give everything you've got inside of you and even more. I just wish I had some way to make people feel better about this but just can't find a way to help. You can only do what you can do and not much more than that.

J. :( :( :(

kayandok
Posts: 1223
Joined: Jun 2008

I'm so so sorry! WHat is causing the stress fracture?!
My heart is so heavy for you and your mom.
kathleen

mopar
Posts: 1950
Joined: May 2003

Dear Lord, I'm so sorry to hear this, Lisa. I know that sinking, horrible feeling, as if the world has stopped revolving and time has stood still. So unreal. I'm sorry for all of you. I never liked to see my Mom cry either. It made me feel so helpless. She was always so strong, but when she cried I felt as though there was nothing I could say or do to help. All I could do was give her hugs and be there for her.

I can also relate so much because there was just me and my sister also. So I know what you and Wendy are feeling. Please know that we're here for you, all of you. God give you strength to continue on this journey with your Mom, and may He give her strength also. I believe there are still options for her, so although it seems hopeless, let's hang on to some hope.

(((HUGS)))
Monika

Cafewoman53's picture
Cafewoman53
Posts: 735
Joined: Jul 2010

This is terrible !Does your Mom have alot of pain in her back ? I am on Avastin now and the good news is that it is usually pretty easy to take. For me my arthritis is worse on it so maybe if they give her something for back pain it will help if she has any joint pain. You are such a good daughter your Mom is lucky to have you and your sister with both your different personalities. Good Luck and don't give up Avastin has helped keep the cancer at bay in alot of women.
Colleen

nancy591's picture
nancy591
Posts: 1059
Joined: Sep 2009

Lisa sorry the scan wasn't better. But where exactly is everywhere? Are we talking lungs, bladder and bone or are we talking multiple areas in the abdomen? We have to have hope that something will hold it off and even possibly shrink it. Keep hope. Are they thinking Avastin alone or with another agent?
XOXOXO

KarynH's picture
KarynH
Posts: 32
Joined: Jun 2010

I’m so sorry you and your family are going through what in the back of your mind you fear the most. As a daughter, we will trade in everything we have if only our mom could at least live a good life with this horrible hand she’s been dealt. We are so determined to find anything…..Even the slightest thing that will help. We go to bed at night with worry, wake up in the night sobbing, fighting the stress, feeling so out of control, but wake up bound and determined to keep on searching and fighting for answers that may work.

I know right now the devastation you must feel, but also want to tell you that
Avastin became the magic ticket for my mom. She is stage IV and had been on carbo/taxol and her numbers had stopped falling. They recommended adding avastin to her regimen and that was the kick in the pants that started cutting this cancer off at the knees. Please don’t throw in the towel yet.
I know this is the hardest thing ever to go through, but if you’re like me, we will gladly carry the stress and the worry if it will help our mom. This love you have for her is the greatest gift ever.

LaundryQueen's picture
LaundryQueen
Posts: 682
Joined: Mar 2011

Lisa

I can't imagine what you are going through and I hope the current situation doesn't put a permanent rift between you and your sister.

Everyone deals with grief in their own way and I think that you are probably emotionally stronger than your sister. That's why you can be angry about the bad news while your sister has to live in her "think positive" world.

As the mother of two very different daughters, nothing hurts me more than to see my "girls" at odds with each other.

I hope you and your sister can present a united front when the two of you are with your mother--I think it will help her in some small way. Forgive me for being an "armchair social worker"--I can't help it.

May God bless all of you and give you comfort during this time.

anicca's picture
anicca
Posts: 324
Joined: Dec 2010

Lisa, I'm so sorry you've gotten this awful news! I don't blame the doctor for the "song & dance" routine, because she does not want to crush all your hopes, and realistically, there is still hope. I am hoping that avastin will do for your mom what it has done for many others, and give you all more and better time together. I also would like to chime in as LaundryQueen did, that as the mother of two girls, the hardest thing is to see them fight (happens all the time, of course.) Humor your sister, if necessary, and let your mom see how good you are to each other. She will want the two of you to be able to lean on each other, so do a little song & dance and give her that.

DB

JMulkey
Posts: 32
Joined: Apr 2010

My mom has gone through her taxol/carbo also and her numbers are low, but we have already been told the cancer is still there. She has debulking surgery at the end of this month, and we aren't sure how she's even going to get through that, but we do know it's coming back. It's just a matter of when...well, really it's still there. And she's thinking the surgery is going to get it all and I think she's hoping against hope that that will be the case. As for me, there's only me. My brother absolutely will NOT talk about it, does not want to know whats going on, does not want to discuss options, only wants life to go on like normal. So I'm the only one to take care of her. I want so badly to protect her, to take care of her, I wish I had a magic cure, I would give it to her. She hasn't cried once since we started down this road. Not a single time. And she ordered me not to cry. She said if I do, she will, so I can't. Makes alot of strain.

I hope the Avastin does it for your Mom. I really do. I hope she goes into remission and stays there a good long time.

I've had cancer too, breast cancer, so I know how scary it can be. I hate this D!@# disease! And I lost my dad to lung cancer, and my brother has already had cancer in his mouth, so that's every member of my immediate family. Weird isn't it?

I'm hoping for the best for you and your mother.

joan60's picture
joan60
Posts: 90
Joined: Sep 2010

Dear Lisa,
I'm so sorry about the news, words can't express my thoughts to you. I know its hard, but just be there and enjoy your time together.
Joan

MK_4Dani
Posts: 318
Joined: Sep 2009

Keep fighting. You, sister and your mom are in my prayers.
Mary

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