Lingering chemo side effects. depression. blah and pfft....update
Ok - there's my vent. Sorry, but I needed to get that out. Although I have some great friends they just don't understand.
On a bright note - MY MOM IS FINISHED WITH RADS!! She's officially done with treatment! She'll be on some drug (not sure of the name, she hasn't started it yet) probably for the rest of her life but for now -she's also in remission & can now rest & recover!!!
Thanks for letting me vent!
*hugs*
Heather
Comments
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So sorry things are
So sorry to hear things are going so bad for you. This Cancer Devil takes it toll on a lot of us. You are right in venting. It helps to get it off your chest. Then you can go on. I know what you mean when it rain it pours. My prayers are with you and I wish I could say more or do more for you. Please hang in there... hug your baby ... it will get better.
Hugs and Prayers sent to you, Diana0 -
Heatherbelle I can identify
Heatherbelle I can identify with all the post cancer stuff, but I dont have to pick up a 2 year old unless I want to do that with my grandkids. I was as frustrated as you sound last August with me and my body, but gradually it does get better. I also want to get a job part time to help with finances but not sure I have the stamina for it yet. It is so good for us to vent what's on our minds. You are one tough cookie, I admire your spunky attitude and it will return because girl you are one heck of a survivor. Hang in there and congrats to your mom on completing her treatment.0 -
So sorry that everything
feels like it is crashing down. I so totally understand!!! I finished treatment on 4/1/11, found out that I'm losing my job and now my car needs over $1400 work. My husband has been working on his house and we've been living in my condo (just got married 1 year ago and was dx 4 months later) but now we have to hurry and move so that I can hopefully rent the place out until the housing market improves.
All I want to do is recuperate but instead I need to be job hunting and at 58, with short mostly white hair (1" now) and very overweight...
My husband says not to worry, just start looking--easy for him to say, he hasn't looked for a job for over 30 years!
When will this all stop I wonder.
Hugs & smiles,
JoAnn0 -
Sorryjoannstar said:So sorry that everything
feels like it is crashing down. I so totally understand!!! I finished treatment on 4/1/11, found out that I'm losing my job and now my car needs over $1400 work. My husband has been working on his house and we've been living in my condo (just got married 1 year ago and was dx 4 months later) but now we have to hurry and move so that I can hopefully rent the place out until the housing market improves.
All I want to do is recuperate but instead I need to be job hunting and at 58, with short mostly white hair (1" now) and very overweight...
My husband says not to worry, just start looking--easy for him to say, he hasn't looked for a job for over 30 years!
When will this all stop I wonder.
Hugs & smiles,
JoAnn
I am so sorry you have so much negative stuff going on. I am glad to hear from you and it is great that your Mom is done with her treatment. Prayers being said for you. God Bless
(((hugs))) Janice0 -
Good to hear from you, Heather,Boppy_of_6 said:Sorry
I am so sorry you have so much negative stuff going on. I am glad to hear from you and it is great that your Mom is done with her treatment. Prayers being said for you. God Bless
(((hugs))) Janice
but sorry for all the crap going on. Yeah--you're right--haven't we been through enough?! I think from time to time, we all have similar stories--different days, different problems.
I really hope all your house issues resolve soon, but mostly I hope your health issues stabilize and you get to feeling better. Glad your mom is doing well. I know what you mean about the good friends--they're the best, but unless they've been in our shoes--they just don't get it. They try, but they can't begin to know what we go through--even after treatment is done. So much of our "new normal"!
Sending you prayers and positive energy today, Heather. We care here--and we get it.
Hugs, Renee
P.S. Post more often--just getting it all off your chest is a good thing.0 -
Thank you ladiesmissrenee said:Good to hear from you, Heather,
but sorry for all the crap going on. Yeah--you're right--haven't we been through enough?! I think from time to time, we all have similar stories--different days, different problems.
I really hope all your house issues resolve soon, but mostly I hope your health issues stabilize and you get to feeling better. Glad your mom is doing well. I know what you mean about the good friends--they're the best, but unless they've been in our shoes--they just don't get it. They try, but they can't begin to know what we go through--even after treatment is done. So much of our "new normal"!
Sending you prayers and positive energy today, Heather. We care here--and we get it.
Hugs, Renee
P.S. Post more often--just getting it all off your chest is a good thing.
you are
Thank you ladies you are right, once I got it out I was able to somewhat get moving with my day. I'm waiting on a call back from my husband's doctor (we fired our family doctor over his "wait and see" attitude initially towards the lump I had in my breast..and I'm on medicaid, rest of the family has insurance, so as of now I don't have a general practitioner) - regarding my depression/anxiety. And I'm seeing my oncologist next week regarding the pain & swelling I'm having. Just having a bad day I guess. Thank you for your kind words & understanding.
*hugs*
Heather0 -
Heather
I had noticed you haven't posted much recently. It sounds like you've had a lot to deal with. Money is always an issue. Because my daughter is student teaching, I have been the care giver of my 2 granddaughters ages 3 & 5. They spend 2 nights at my house and I have to drive them to preschool 45 min away. I'm at her house Mon - Fri and nothing gets done in my own house. And to make matters worse is the price of gas. I'm spending $50-60 weekly. My body never had a chance to recuperate from chemo & rads. I'm glad to hear your mom is done. I've been on Arimidex since January and my hot flashes have been horrendous! Gyn put me on Prozac and it's helped some. I was on Wellbutrin for 9 years and just stopped 2 months before being dx with bc. I don't feel depressed anymore but I am definitely dealing with fatigue. I want my freedom back to do whatever I want when I want. I will be watching my granddaughters come September if my daughter is successful in getting a teaching job. When I tried to express how I felt she guilted me into helping her. My sil is also in grad school for 2 more years. After that they will be in a better place financially but will have a lot of student debt to repay. They've been unsuccessful in selling their condo for the past year. Life suc**!
I'm feeling more bone pain since starting Arimidex. My arthritis is worse and I'm seeing a neurosurgeon to talk about my lumbar stenosis in a couple of weeks. My gyn is helping me starting Tuesday with a new weight loss plan. My hair is taking forever to grow. I don't mind that it's white, just wish it was long enough to comb. LOL
I hope you felt better venting. It does feel good to talk to others who know how you're feeling. I hope life gets better for you and I wish you success with the end of your reconstruction.
{{hugs}} Char0 -
doesnt it seem that if wecahjah75 said:Heather
I had noticed you haven't posted much recently. It sounds like you've had a lot to deal with. Money is always an issue. Because my daughter is student teaching, I have been the care giver of my 2 granddaughters ages 3 & 5. They spend 2 nights at my house and I have to drive them to preschool 45 min away. I'm at her house Mon - Fri and nothing gets done in my own house. And to make matters worse is the price of gas. I'm spending $50-60 weekly. My body never had a chance to recuperate from chemo & rads. I'm glad to hear your mom is done. I've been on Arimidex since January and my hot flashes have been horrendous! Gyn put me on Prozac and it's helped some. I was on Wellbutrin for 9 years and just stopped 2 months before being dx with bc. I don't feel depressed anymore but I am definitely dealing with fatigue. I want my freedom back to do whatever I want when I want. I will be watching my granddaughters come September if my daughter is successful in getting a teaching job. When I tried to express how I felt she guilted me into helping her. My sil is also in grad school for 2 more years. After that they will be in a better place financially but will have a lot of student debt to repay. They've been unsuccessful in selling their condo for the past year. Life suc**!
I'm feeling more bone pain since starting Arimidex. My arthritis is worse and I'm seeing a neurosurgeon to talk about my lumbar stenosis in a couple of weeks. My gyn is helping me starting Tuesday with a new weight loss plan. My hair is taking forever to grow. I don't mind that it's white, just wish it was long enough to comb. LOL
I hope you felt better venting. It does feel good to talk to others who know how you're feeling. I hope life gets better for you and I wish you success with the end of your reconstruction.
{{hugs}} Char
doesnt it seem that if we have cancer the rule should be we get a free ride on everything else? Sorry that things are at odds right now. But knowing you, you will prevail. It does take its toll. I asked my doctor about my joints and muscles hurting and he said, some women who go through menopause from the chemo get this. and then the anti eastogens do it too. It like the sudden withdrawl of estrogen can contribute to it.
This places quite the toll on a relationship. when you are trying to raise a family, keep a roof over your heads etc.. it gets very stressful. It was like this the first time for us. This time older marriage, older kids not as bad. I have to say my side effects and lingering exhaustion have raised havoc with my job. I decided to add it to the pile of crap that you have to deal with. I just visualize a pile. and see myself adding to the pile, to be dealt with when I can get to it. You will feel better, but your body has been beat to s@#t. when you feel more energetic your depression issues will improve. I have found that making myself exersize even though I hurt actually helps. Physically and mentally! Hugs you are such an awesome girl. hang in there.0 -
I am so sorry you are going
I am so sorry you are going through all of this. For me lately it seems like anything, no matter how small, sends me over the top (just not having my washing machine alone would do it). I am glad you are here venting because it does help to get it off your chest! Please know that we are here for you. You and all of your concerns are in my prayers.
Nancy0 -
Glad to hear from you
SO SORRY to hear all your issues
I agree with the "since we have cancer we should get a free ride on everything else"! But we dont... I sure wish you didnt have to face this stuff right now, I am just like you as I withdraw when upset also, so Im glad you came on to vent to us> I've watched you support others many times, and its good you came here to get some support back!! Keep the Faith that right around the corner, is some sort of reprieve> LOVE AND HUGS sent to you.
BillieJean0 -
Hi Heather....i can sooo
Hi Heather....i can sooo totally relate to the chemo side effects...i had the same problems. I also got into my depression shell and still tryin to find my way out of it but i have good days and bad days. It probably didnt help that people and pets close to me we dieing around me. Everyone seems to think when your done with your treatments and the hair is growing back they assume you should be back to normal now and be your old self again and sometimes it just doesnt work that way. Most people around us dont understand. It seems we stayed strong thru our treatments cuz we had to and afterwards something happens that all the sudden we are not that thriving person we were, but i believe its only temperary... we have made it this far and it may take us a little more time but we will get there.
Im so happy your mom is done with her treatments and doing better!
Cyber hugs!0 -
Question
Is there any way that you and mom can join forces to come up with a way to make a bit of money and releive the financial situation a bit? She is bound to be understanding of your limitations. Not having been down this leg of the journey yet, I do not even know whether the question is realistic, so forgive me if I am posing a rediculous question.0 -
I am sorry to hear that you
I am sorry to hear that you are having all this happening, and all at once! I am still doing Chemo so I am not familiar with the "recovery" time. But I do understand how family can want you to get back to the way "you were." My husband already is "fatigued" by chemo. He is impatient to run the household the way we used to, leaving me in the dust. He has no concept of the scope of recovery mentally and physically for me. I think it is his coping strategy.
I did read some positive thoughts in your post. Glad you have some good things to focus on. Hope you are feeling better and that some of the House issues are resolving.0 -
@Pinkapplespinkapples said:Glad to hear from you
SO SORRY to hear all your issues I agree with the "since we have cancer we should get a free ride on everything else"! But we dont... I sure wish you didnt have to face this stuff right now, I am just like you as I withdraw when upset also, so Im glad you came on to vent to us> I've watched you support others many times, and its good you came here to get some support back!! Keep the Faith that right around the corner, is some sort of reprieve> LOVE AND HUGS sent to you.
BillieJean
Pinkapples - i HAD to post that i love your profile picture! I LOVED the Go-go-Gophers cartoons when i was a kid! I loved the goofy one who couldn't talk right! Thanks for the smile today!
*hugs*
Heather0 -
Oh Heather, pain can make
Oh Heather, pain can make anyone depressed and just downright cranky. Thank goodness for your neighbors unsecured wireless modem, so you could come here and vent. You are so vibrant...it's obvious (even with all you're going through) that you will always be that way.
You are working with docs on the pain and on the depression because you know those are steps to get better, major kudos to you for that!...are you working with someone on the way you and Tim are communicating? I ask because it's clear that this bothers you. I think you should carve out two hours when you and Tim can just sit together and watch a movie or a tv show. No pressure to talk or "fix" things, no pressure for sex, no kids to take care of, no dishes or laundry, no shop or customers that need something yesterday...just the two of you side by side. Some time for both of you to push everything else aside and just breathe together. ...I know...easy for me to say, hard for you to do.
I'm so glad your mom is done with "active" treatments, and that she can focus on rest and recovery. And glad you've come here to vent...
Big Hugs,
Linda0 -
I can relateGabe N Abby Mom said:Oh Heather, pain can make
Oh Heather, pain can make anyone depressed and just downright cranky. Thank goodness for your neighbors unsecured wireless modem, so you could come here and vent. You are so vibrant...it's obvious (even with all you're going through) that you will always be that way.
You are working with docs on the pain and on the depression because you know those are steps to get better, major kudos to you for that!...are you working with someone on the way you and Tim are communicating? I ask because it's clear that this bothers you. I think you should carve out two hours when you and Tim can just sit together and watch a movie or a tv show. No pressure to talk or "fix" things, no pressure for sex, no kids to take care of, no dishes or laundry, no shop or customers that need something yesterday...just the two of you side by side. Some time for both of you to push everything else aside and just breathe together. ...I know...easy for me to say, hard for you to do.
I'm so glad your mom is done with "active" treatments, and that she can focus on rest and recovery. And glad you've come here to vent...
Big Hugs,
Linda
This is my first post here. I identify so much with what Heatherbelle has written. I hope that what Jo Jo said is true, that this state of post chemo sadness and struggle is temporary. Good luck, Heatherbelle.0 -
Hey Heatherbelle
I'm so sorry for whats going on,I'm 3 months out of chemo and your right the pain is horrible my Dr. wrote me a prescription for lyrica but I'm not taking it,it has a lot of bad side effects some days i feel good and then the next day it's in my hips.I don't see how you could go back to work right now by the way i finished radiation today yes i am a rad queen.so glad to hear your mom is doing well.Heather i feel you with the bills i don't answer my house phone because of bills we pay what has to be paid,My sister-n-law and another friend put on a benefit for me last Sunday and raised over $3000 mine was a gospel singing we started two months ago getting groups to support, people will help i was so surprised at the turn out of people it was overwhelming to see how many people loved me we mailed letters to friends i posted the event on f/b and i posted flyer's all over town.I hope you post again soon. MOLLYZ0 -
Ladies,mollyz said:Hey Heatherbelle
I'm so sorry for whats going on,I'm 3 months out of chemo and your right the pain is horrible my Dr. wrote me a prescription for lyrica but I'm not taking it,it has a lot of bad side effects some days i feel good and then the next day it's in my hips.I don't see how you could go back to work right now by the way i finished radiation today yes i am a rad queen.so glad to hear your mom is doing well.Heather i feel you with the bills i don't answer my house phone because of bills we pay what has to be paid,My sister-n-law and another friend put on a benefit for me last Sunday and raised over $3000 mine was a gospel singing we started two months ago getting groups to support, people will help i was so surprised at the turn out of people it was overwhelming to see how many people loved me we mailed letters to friends i posted the event on f/b and i posted flyer's all over town.I hope you post again soon. MOLLYZ
We are all on the
Ladies,
We are all on the same page it seems. I have struggled so much with focus and energy and I am the primary breadwinner in our household. Our health insurance is through my employer and whether I feel able or not, I have to go to work. I have had days when I was so upset by how hard my usual duties are. Again, everyone thinks once chemo is done you are 'through it'. How wrong can folks be??? I have had more difficulty post-chemo than I did during treatment. I had no pain whatsoever during treatment, but now I have tremendous joint pain and muscle aches/heaviness. I can't read through a page of information without my eyes jumping all over the page. It takes all the will I possess to keep my eyes going from one line to the next. I thought about going back to school and re-read some of my work from previous classes. Not only did I not understand the questions my professors posed, I could no longer understand my answers!! I got A's in class and don't understand my own work anymore! I think it is much harder in some ways to be at this stage of the game than during active treatment.
Heatherbelle, hang in there. There are so many of us in the same boat.
Caring and Sharing your Pain,
Chickadee0 -
Hi Heather
Good to hear from you but sorry you are not feeling good and things are frustrating. I can relate to some of your feelings. I was feeling depressed and sooo tired. If I don't nap daily I loose it about 5pm. We are expected to bounce back but I just don't have the energy I had before all this. Yes I do still have chemo brain and my hair is coming in slowly and forget the lashes...I don't think they will ever be the same. They weren't that full but at least I could get mascara on them, now forget it. Glad your Mom is doing well...that was a long road for both of you. Let us know what the onc. says next week.
Hugs to you.
Annette0 -
I really like your title Heather
You always say it as it is. It sure sounds like you are in that inbetween world
between, yeay it's over and where to heck is my groove? But Heather I have no
doubt that you will get your groove back in no time. Your journey was even
harder you had to take car of yourself, your family and on top of it worry about
your mother. It sucks that you can't sit back and take your time to heal since
your financial situation doesn't allow for it. I know what that's like since through
this all, I was terrified of loosing my job.
Take good care of yourself Heather, you deserve it.
Hugs,
Ayse0
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