The loss we have all suffered.....

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jo jo
jo jo Member Posts: 1,175
in Breast Cancer #1
Along with our breast cancer...other than loosing some of our body parts and some having foriegn objects replacing those parts and having toxic poison invading our bodys (like chemo or rads) and along with all the side effects of it all...and all the domino effects of problems that go along with it... like this isnt enough...we get the bonus of adding salt to the wounds as loosing some good people during our journey thru this...some from cancer and some thru other causes.

I know myself, within 2 months aparts i lost my gpa and my cousin who was more my sister and now i lost my Sunshine (my kitty) who was always there for me thru everything!
I dont mean to sound like a big baby but for the last week i have been very upset cause i just have so many people dieing around me and so close together...and plus all our sisters in pink we have lost here on this board. It makes you realize your own immortality.

I know all of us are going thru this but right now its kind of a low point for me and im just having a rough time dealing with it all, especially since all the ones ive lost, i was really close to and all passed away recently...yes this includes my Sunshine too even thou she was a kitty!

Anyway thanks for listening...and if you feel like sharing your story of loosing someone close to your heart...by all means please share...even thou its a very touchy subject and not all like to talk about it and thats ok too, but im at the place now that i really could use the ears of someone whos listening.

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  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    #2
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    So very sorry JoJo!
    Oh JoJo I am so sorry to hear of your recent loss of your sunshine. I lost my kitty Honey Cat awhile back and I know your pain, just because they are furry does not mean they do not know how to give and receive love.

    I remember your other recent losses and know times have been hard for you but please know that it will get better. I do speak from being there, lost my Mom who was my best friend in 2000, then my oldest sister and my sister in law within a month of each other in 2004 to cancer. It is tough and it hurts a lot, but in my heart I know they would want me to go on for them and to flourish as I am sure your gpa and your cousin would for you. It does get a bit less painful as time passes, the memories become a bit more sweet and when they are thought of there are more smiles then tears but they are never forgotten.

    Of course it goes without saying how much we miss the ones who we have lost here at CSN, but I try to think of all those who are still here, many on fb :-) and many who have chosen to simply move on past CSN and continue living their lives. Yes we miss them too but I rejoice in the fact they are well and doing their thing. I for one have been fighting cancer since 1997 and yes I have up days and down days, but my up ones are far more plentiful because I have fought to hard to allow them not to be. I do understand and hope things look brighter for you soon!

    Sending hugs, prayers and much love to you JoJo,

    RE
  • smalldoggroomer
    smalldoggroomer Member Posts: 1,184
    #3
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    JoJo, I'm so sorry for
    JoJo, I'm so sorry for everything you have gone through. I know you have been put through the ringer. And I understand it completely. I just lost my little boy B.J. I miss him so much and will never be able to hold him again. And last Sun I had to put My Mom in Hospice. She only has a few days left. So I understand your pain. I am thinking of you and you are in my prayers. Keep you chin up sweetheart we must keep going. Love and Hugs to you Kay
  • jennytwist
    jennytwist Member Posts: 896
    #4
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    smalldoggroomer said:

    JoJo, I'm so sorry for
    JoJo, I'm so sorry for everything you have gone through. I know you have been put through the ringer. And I understand it completely. I just lost my little boy B.J. I miss him so much and will never be able to hold him again. And last Sun I had to put My Mom in Hospice. She only has a few days left. So I understand your pain. I am thinking of you and you are in my prayers. Keep you chin up sweetheart we must keep going. Love and Hugs to you Kay

    Try to remember...
    each of those you loved and have lost in their very best times - celebrate all the love they brought in your life - I know that isn't easy right now but perhaps it will help with some of your feelings of such pain. And remember also how very much you meant to each of them - they are all smiling down on you (Sunshine too!)- you were a part of what made their lives wonderful as well!
    I'll keep you close and send warm hugs and gentle peace - hoping your pain lessens soon.
    -Jenny
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #5
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    life time friend I considered my 2nd mom
    She has had breast cancer for over 25 yrs one and off-but she was very very ill (in hospital) just prior to my Last Disney World Trip! I was going to cancel & DID NOT...the first day I was there-We got the call she died...I feel so terribly guilty that I was not here! I missed her funeral by 24 hrs. I tried to come back early with travel insurance etc. and not easy as they advertise! I -like everyone else knows...I KNOW she wouldnt' want to ruin my vacation or have canceled it. I DID stop by the day before I LEFT to SEE her-which was for the last time...

    I know in my breain I SHOULND"T feel guilty but IN MY heart I do..this all happened Aug 2010-7mths ago..

    MY MOM died 4 yrs ago and I REALLY considered her MY stand in mom even more after my mom's death..
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #6
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    Vent away...we can all relate
    MY ears are wide open and eyes too to read more of your posts.
  • CypressCynthia
    CypressCynthia Member Posts: 4,014 Member
    #7
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    I am so sorry that you have
    I am so sorry that you have had to go through all of this. Yours is a timely post as I received the following study yesterday (see below). Not to get too technical, but it appears the stress that we go through can change our chromosomes. The take home message is, if you are feeling stressed after your diagnosis, seek help. Find a good psychologist or psychiatrist and take care of your mental health as well as your physical health, because it is an important step in getting better. If prescribed meds, just double check that the ones prescribed are ok with your oncologist. Jo Jo, you are in my prayers.

    From: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/221103.php

    "Results of a study presented at the AACR 102nd Annual Meeting 2011, held here April 2-6, lend credence to the idea that improving quality of life affects stress-related biological markers and possibly the health of people with cancer.

    Researchers know that telomeres shorten and deteriorate with aging, but they are learning that stress also affects telomere length."

    "We are trying to understand the interconnections between the mind and the body; that is, how does the diagnosis and treatment of cancer impact patients not only psychologically, but also physiologically and how can we improve their outcome. Cancer drives a chronic stress response in some patients," said Edward Nelson, M.D., division chief of hematology/oncology at the University of California, Irvine.

    Just as aglets prevent a shoelace from unraveling or fraying, telomeres are structures on the ends of chromosomes that protect the chromosome from deteriorating, breaking apart or joining with other chromosomes, which can lead to mutations. Chromosomal rearrangements are seen in cancers and provided a biological reason to investigate this link, according Nelson.

    "For this study, we wanted to know if chronic stress was associated with accelerated telomere shortening in cancer patients, and if a psychosocial intervention that modulates the stress response could also modulate telomere length," he said.



    In this retrospective study, the researchers took biological samples from 31 women with cervical cancer who had been randomized to one of two groups - those who received six counseling sessions by telephone and those who received usual care without counseling.

    The six sessions consisted of a quality of life and psychosocial profile, managing stress and emotions, enhancing health and wellness, addressing relational and sexual concerns, and integrating and summarizing the information. At enrollment and after four months, the researchers obtained biological samples from both groups and investigated changes over time to see if psychological counseling had any physical effects.

    "Improved quality of life and reduced stress response was associated with changes in telomere length," Nelson said.

    "It is important to recognize that this was an exploratory and preliminary analysis. We embarked on the first study of telomere length and chronic stress in a cancer population and the first longitudinal analysis in whether changes in quality of life and changes in the stress response would be associated with modulating the telomere length," he said.

    Still, he added, "there is no doubt that offering psychological services has the potential to improve quality of life and outcomes of patients. After all, making patients feel better should be an outcome that a cancer team should want to have, but whether we can draw conclusions or make recommendations about the capacity of a behavioral intervention to modulate telomere length remains an open question."
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #8
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    I call them my 'dark days'.....
    The week before I was to start treatment on my first cancer, my beau's father died in Holland. When he asked my onc what he should do, she said "If you go to your mom, you may come home to another funeral". Those 3 words, "you have cancer" started a terrible period of loss, including my ex-hubby, of which I was still fond, and my daughter. And then all the trouble with my beau losing his memory to a badly administered drug in the hospital.

    I reached a point where it was tough to go on. A young friend who I had been supporting (and he, me) died from brain cancer. It shook me to the core. So, I took myself to a grief seminar (really designed for spouses...but what the heck) and learned a few coping skills. But the biggest help for me (I'm on number 21 patient partner at this point, and not all are still with us) is this:

    When I reach a point of total despair, I stop. I stretch out my hands, palms open, and say "Here are my hands. Do with them what you will. I will try hard not to pull them back, regardless of how tough the time is!" I could get deep into my beliefs, but that is not what this forum is for, I don't want to offend anyone. Leave it to say, if you are curious, rent the movie "The Celestine Prophesy"...*smile*

    I am wrapping my arms around you, dear soul. Death is part of life. Acceptance is part of living. I have seen what is waiting for me (NDE), and it is beautiful, and warm, and comforting. I just have to work thru my life list...

    BIG hugs, Kathi
  • Gabe N Abby Mom
    Gabe N Abby Mom Member Posts: 2,413
    #9
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    I wish I had the right words
    I wish I had the right words to take the pain away, or to help you cope. But unfortunately I don't have those words. But know that you are often in my thoughts and we're here to listen any time you need.

    Hugs,

    Linda
  • laughs_a_lot
    laughs_a_lot Member Posts: 1,368 Member
    #10
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    losses
    Let me say that may the love and peace of your Higher Power wrap his arms around you for comfort and peace in this time. May that peace also prevail through the rest of this journey you are experiencing.

    Being a member of the mental health profession I am all about keeping what is going on in the psyche running as cleanly and smoothly as possible. We are dealt a hand of cards in life. We need to play our hand. It is how we play the cards we are dealt, and pick up from the pile that make or break us. The memories of those who love you should be the trump card you play on a daily basis. Though they are gone, thier loving regard for you will give you strength for the journey. Yes even the cat. They no longer need thier strength so they can lend thiers to you. Pick up that strength and use it my dear. You deserve thier stregth.
  • Lynn Smith
    Lynn Smith Member Posts: 1,264 Member
    #11
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    laughs_a_lot said:

    losses
    Let me say that may the love and peace of your Higher Power wrap his arms around you for comfort and peace in this time. May that peace also prevail through the rest of this journey you are experiencing.

    Being a member of the mental health profession I am all about keeping what is going on in the psyche running as cleanly and smoothly as possible. We are dealt a hand of cards in life. We need to play our hand. It is how we play the cards we are dealt, and pick up from the pile that make or break us. The memories of those who love you should be the trump card you play on a daily basis. Though they are gone, thier loving regard for you will give you strength for the journey. Yes even the cat. They no longer need thier strength so they can lend thiers to you. Pick up that strength and use it my dear. You deserve thier stregth.

    I am sorry
    I am sorry for the loss of your family and sweet kitty.I love animals and will do anything for them.I worked with animal welfare for over 10 years and animals give you unconditional love.They know when you hurt and feel down. They comfort us. Brings to my mind just a few months ago I rescued a abused dog.I didn't want it but a bad situation.The guy called to come over and see the dog.I let him.Well the dog whimpered and whined after he left.All the pain it went through it missed him.Just hard for me to understand.But it is the unconditional love.

    I also feel like you.I lost a friend and classmate in Feb.She was in bc remmision for 12 years.It came back.She fought again and lost the battle. She had a twin who was going to donate bone marrow.She had a second chance but she never was well enough to go through that.Sad but if she was able to go through the bone marrow she would be alive today. She was a stage 4 and it was in 15 nodes.Not a good dx but she carried on for 13 years.

    I always think about my family, friends and pets who have passed on.I miss all of them.Some lived long lives some not.Still I think about them. My mom was a 60 year breast cancer survivor so I look at her long life and want to live 25 years.I am working on it.

    Lynn Smith
  • sal314
    sal314 Member Posts: 599 Member
    #12
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    Jo-Jo...
    I can relate to your pain. I've lost several close friends to BC cancer over the past 9 years. And...I lost my father just 6 weeks ago from esophageal cancer. Not to mention I've had to grieve and come to terms with the fact that I have two young children with special needs. That isn't easy, realizing all your dreams of having a family are going to be TOTALLY different than you imagined. And TOTALLY what I didn't ask for! I have to WORK at seeing the positive in that situation EVERY DAY!

    As far as the loss of my father goes, I'm still in somewhat of a state of shock over it I think. Starting to thaw from the shear numbness, but it's still really, really hard to understand I will no longer see him or hear his voice on this earth ever again. Plain and simple... it SUCKS! And it physically hurts my heart.

    And though my heart aches and I walk around with a constant knot in my stomach, I do have hope and joy in that some day I will be reunited with him one day. There is more to our existence than life on this earth. There is eternal life...with God...where there will be no more pain, no more tears and an eternity so amazing our human brains can't comprehend it in this life. THAT'S what keeps me going. That's what gives me hope. That's what brings me joy in the midst of the pain. Perspective is everything:)

    God told us that in this life we will have trouble/pain. But HE will bring us joy and restore our broken hearts. I believe that to the core of my being. And have seen God working and helping me walk through the valley of loss and pain MANY times.

    Things will get better! But you must first walk through your pain in order to get to the other side. So...cry when needed. God is with you in it! And he will comfort you and guide you through it. He will also renew your spirit in time. And that's the problem we humans have...we want it to be sooner that God has planned for us! Annoying, I know!

    Anyway...one day at a time. Try to find one thing each day to be thankful for. Try to see at least one blessing God gives you in each day. (HE gives MANY...we just have to take the time to see them) and do something nice for yourself every day! It doesn't have to be anything elaborate, just something that gives you joy (and is legal of course!:)

    I'm so sorry for all your loss. I'll be praying the days to come will start looking brighter for you:-)

    Blessings,
    Sally
  • mwallace1325
    mwallace1325 Member Posts: 806
    #13
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    so sorry
    So sorry to hear about Sunshine. She was a part of the family too.

    marge
  • missrenee
    missrenee Member Posts: 2,136 Member
    #14
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    mwallace1325 said:

    so sorry
    So sorry to hear about Sunshine. She was a part of the family too.

    marge

    I'm listening, JoJo
    I am so sorry about your beloved kitty, Sunshine. When the losses start to pile up, it really starts to get us all down. I'm glad you came on and talked about it. We can all relate to what you're going through and I'm hoping the days ahead will get brighter for you.

    Hang in there and vent here when you need to. We all care.

    Hugs, Renee
  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
    #15
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    JoJo
    I'm sorry about your kitty ): My DH had to put our 9 yr old cat to sleep while I was in a convalescent home almost 5 years ago. It was very sad to go home where there was no more cat. In 1997 my coworker/friend died of ovarian cancer. In 1998 my SIL died after a 10 yr battle w/cancer. My sister had a recurrence in October and is doing well. My BIL died in February after a 3 week battle w/cancer. And the losses we have had on this board - it definitely makes me think more about my mortality than it used to. I think that's why I wasn't elated when onc told me I was cancer free. It's ok to feel sad and sometimes we just need to cry and other times be happy we are still here.
    {{hugs}} Char
  • linpsu
    linpsu Member Posts: 747
    #16
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    So sorry
    JoJo - you have been through so much, and don't ever feel badly about letting out your feelings here. We all can feel your pain. And we know that pets are very important parts of our families, and their losses can be just as devastating. Hugs and prayers and loving thoughts to you, dear JoJo. Linda
  • sea60
    sea60 Member Posts: 2,613
    #17
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    linpsu said:

    So sorry
    JoJo - you have been through so much, and don't ever feel badly about letting out your feelings here. We all can feel your pain. And we know that pets are very important parts of our families, and their losses can be just as devastating. Hugs and prayers and loving thoughts to you, dear JoJo. Linda

    I am so sorry for the loss of such special people in your life.
    And now your kitty.

    Sending my condolence hug,

    Sylvia
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    #18
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    sea60 said:

    I am so sorry for the loss of such special people in your life.
    And now your kitty.

    Sending my condolence hug,

    Sylvia

    JoJo
    I hope things get better for you soon. You really have had a ruff time of it. I am sorry for your loss. Hang in there, Hugs
    Kathy
  • Jean 0609
    Jean 0609 Member Posts: 2,462
    #19
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    Oh jo jo,
    I am so sorry to hear about your cat. Sending you a big cyber hug. Hang in there girl.

    xoxo,
    Jean
  • cindycflynn
    cindycflynn Member Posts: 1,132 Member
    #20
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    Dear Jo Jo
    I'm so sorry that you have had so many trials in the past couple of years. It just all seems to add up, doesn't it?

    I wish I could just make all the pain go away for you, but unfortunately it's the price we pay for loving someone or something. The benefit, of course, is all the lovely memories we have had with those we love which cannot be replaced or tarnished.

    Wishing you peace and sending you hugs,
    Cindy
  • rjjj
    rjjj Member Posts: 1,822 Member
    #21
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    cindycflynn said:

    Dear Jo Jo
    I'm so sorry that you have had so many trials in the past couple of years. It just all seems to add up, doesn't it?

    I wish I could just make all the pain go away for you, but unfortunately it's the price we pay for loving someone or something. The benefit, of course, is all the lovely memories we have had with those we love which cannot be replaced or tarnished.

    Wishing you peace and sending you hugs,
    Cindy

    sorry you lost your sunshine
    i do understand the dispair of watching loved ones go before us... i have lost many. my sweet mom to cancer, a husband to heart desease..many friends and many sisters on CSN. I don't quite know why God takes these beautiful souls so young, but hope it will be revealed in the end and that i will meet them all again in a place that knows no pain. i am so glad i still have my dog Tootsie..i worry about what i would do if i lost her, she was my faithful companion through my cancer as im sure your sunshine was to you. my deep sympathy and healing prayers to you dear.
    hugs jackie

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