Mar 29, 2011 - 11:24 pm
On March 21, 2011 I lost the love of my life after 32 years. We have 3 great adult children, 4 grandsons, and a granddaughter due in April, 2011. My husband had colon cancer in 1992, 1993, 1994, metastasized to his liver in 1993 as well. He enjoyed a slower but good life after the 1994 episode until it returned in the colon in 3/09. By 11/10 it has spread to his liver again and his bones. The pain was excrutiating for him. The last 2 years have been very hard on him until he couldn't fight anymore. He has been the center of my life and especially for the past 2 years every minute outside of my full time job has been devoted to caring for him. No what? I don't know what I'm going to do without him. He has been in the hospital so much since 1/1/11 that being at home without doesn't feel too strange. But I can't wrap my mind around the fact that he's never coming home. It seems that it can't be forever. I am taking a couple of weeks for myself before I return to work and try to go on without him but I honestly don't know how I'm going to do it. The love we've had has been very special and I miss him so much. One minute I seem fine then all of a sudden the tears just begin and I can't stop them. I don't want to change anything in the house. It looks like he still lives here and I want it to stay that way. Hopefully, it will come in time that I can move on slowly.