Modesty and Gender

csr771
csr771 Member Posts: 117
in Breast Cancer #1
This was buried in another post. Thought somenone may want to respond.

I'm wondering if some of you would address these questions:
-- How much of your modesty or lack of modesty is connected to the gender
of your caregiver or technician?
-- For females: Do you have mostly female caregivers? Have you requested female caregivers? Were your requests honored? What percentage of your caregivers were male?
-- For males: Have you had mostly male or female caregivers? Has the gendered mattered to you? Have you wanted to request same gender care but not felt comfortable doing so? If you made the request, was it honored?
I'm not suggesting the quality of care matters based upon gender. I'm not suggesting one gender is better at this caregiving than another. I'm interested in this issue from the patient point of view. How do patients "feel" about the gender of their caregivers when very intimate care must happen?

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laughs_a_lot
Posts: 111
Joined: Mar 2011

Comments

  • Different Ballgame
    Different Ballgame Member Posts: 868
    #2
    Whatever makes your comfortable
    I think it boils down to whatever makes you comfortable. If you have a male technician and am not comfortable with the fact that he is a male, tactfully request a female technician. It is your right, especially when dealing with the treatments for cancer. Whatever will bring us some comfort is priceless.

    For the record I did have a male technician when I was in radiation and I was not that thrilled with him. I focused on his personality, which was fine, and was thankful that I only had him a few times. They constantly switched technicians with me, which drove me crazy, as I found it impossible to develop a relationship with any of them. I had a better relationship with the receptionist. My top relationship was with my radiation doctor. I told her that the best thing about radiation treatments was meeting and knowing her. Also, to be fair, the nurses in the radiation department were fine, pleasant, and helpful. I was uncomfortable and ill at ease with the radiation technicians. For whatever reason, they did not give me confidence in what they were doing.

    Lots of Hugs,
    Janelle
  • crselby
    crselby Member Posts: 441
    #3
    laughs_a_lot
    So glad most of my docs were/are women, especially when it comes to treatment for female parts. I've had men gyns hurt me and think it was no big deal and even chide me for complaining! And I'm no wimp when it comes to pain. Not so with the female docs! As far as breast cancer goes, I KNOW the male docs have no idea what goes on in our heads, just as I could never really KNOW what goes on in the head of a man with, say, prostate cancer.

    As far as the techs go, I actually embarrassed two of the men who finalized the 45 catheter insertions I had. They had degrees in Physics and were both from the middle east. I said, "Bet you never figured you'd be handling women's breasts as part of your careers in Physics!" They got very silent and blushed.
    ~~Connie~~
  • Lynn Smith
    Lynn Smith Member Posts: 1,264 Member
    #4
    crselby said:

    laughs_a_lot
    So glad most of my docs were/are women, especially when it comes to treatment for female parts. I've had men gyns hurt me and think it was no big deal and even chide me for complaining! And I'm no wimp when it comes to pain. Not so with the female docs! As far as breast cancer goes, I KNOW the male docs have no idea what goes on in our heads, just as I could never really KNOW what goes on in the head of a man with, say, prostate cancer.

    As far as the techs go, I actually embarrassed two of the men who finalized the 45 catheter insertions I had. They had degrees in Physics and were both from the middle east. I said, "Bet you never figured you'd be handling women's breasts as part of your careers in Physics!" They got very silent and blushed.
    ~~Connie~~

    Doesn't matter
    I've had male doctors for years. The last few years it has been a couple females.My one doctor took a another job in the hospital.A female doctor took over his practice.The other female doctor is my new oncologist.I was referred to her by my breast surgeon(a male).

    I did have a male gynecologist who was rough but soon after my hyseroctomy he retired.I need to find another since it has been years after having a total hysteroctomy.

    I didn't go through chemo or radiation so haven't dealt with differnt people or techs each time.If I did I would prefer the same one all the time but sounds like that doesn't happen.

    My female doctors listen very very carefully and take time.My breast surgeon does now too. We cancer patients have more concerns and they listen. I had a new male urologist recently.I was in and out within 5 minutes(office call) I got another new one.He listens and went over things.The other one didn't.

    Lynn Smith
  • laughs_a_lot
    laughs_a_lot Member Posts: 1,368 Member
    #5
    Gender and Modesty
    This question was originally asked by JO JO at the end of another posting. So I decided to cut and paste my original answer into this thread. I am glad csr 771 moved this topic of discussion forward as it seemed more appropriate as a new topic of discussion. Thanks csr771!

    I was a nurse's aide at age 18 and had to work on geriatric males as well as females. Occasionally one of them might flirt. I always got after them immediately when they did. Having been the care giver I really have no problem with having a male care giver. To them it is not a sexual organ it is just a body part that they must clean or treat. I think I might have difficulty if I would have ever needed personal care durring my menstrual cycle (no longer an issue). I of course have had many female care givers with the doctors being mostly male. At work a boob is just a body part that means litte except that it is thier job to treat that body part, same for the guy's appendage. I guess it is truly a matter of the context in which you see your spouse/partner (at home in your comfor zone so to speak) as opposed to seeing a naked person in need of treatment within an office that says "this is business". Even for home care delivery, the worker sees your home as thier office for treatment purposes, despite the fact that it is also the patient's comfort zone. Hope I was not too forward in this discssion
  • MAJW
    MAJW Member Posts: 2,510 Member
    #6
    laughs_a_lot said:

    Gender and Modesty
    This question was originally asked by JO JO at the end of another posting. So I decided to cut and paste my original answer into this thread. I am glad csr 771 moved this topic of discussion forward as it seemed more appropriate as a new topic of discussion. Thanks csr771!

    I was a nurse's aide at age 18 and had to work on geriatric males as well as females. Occasionally one of them might flirt. I always got after them immediately when they did. Having been the care giver I really have no problem with having a male care giver. To them it is not a sexual organ it is just a body part that they must clean or treat. I think I might have difficulty if I would have ever needed personal care durring my menstrual cycle (no longer an issue). I of course have had many female care givers with the doctors being mostly male. At work a boob is just a body part that means litte except that it is thier job to treat that body part, same for the guy's appendage. I guess it is truly a matter of the context in which you see your spouse/partner (at home in your comfor zone so to speak) as opposed to seeing a naked person in need of treatment within an office that says "this is business". Even for home care delivery, the worker sees your home as thier office for treatment purposes, despite the fact that it is also the patient's comfort zone. Hope I was not too forward in this discssion

    Doesn't..
    Bother me...my surgeon, oncologist and radiation oncologist are all male...oncology PA is female....my rads techs were 2 females and the same middle aged male tech every time...I teased him unmercifully,....When I was being marked for the final 7 boosters, he is the one who did the magic marker markings...I asked him if he ever imagined when he was young, if he ever thought his adult profession would be "drawing on boobs!". His reply,"well I am taking art lessons"...I felt perfectly comfortable with everyone...actually I didn't care if they were male or female as long as they "Got me well!". I do go to a female gynecologist...and have for over 25 years...
  • Rague
    Rague Member Posts: 3,653 Member
    #7
    As I've said so often - we
    As I've said so often - we are all unique.

    I can't say that is matter to me rather or not the Dr/Nurse/Tech/etc. is a man or woman - it is their overall 'being' that makes me comfortable with them (or not). But then I've always been very healthy and so haven't had a lot of interaction with Drs over the years except for minor problems (sinus infections, colds, etc.). Also having been raised as an Air Force Brat - been in the Army and a Navy wife for Hubby's 20 years Navy - I've mostly dealt with military Drs and all have been men. The only female Dr I've had a long term 'relationship' with (15 yrs) is my current PA - she's with VA and is fantastic. All my Drs I've had with IBC have been men and they were all I could ask for. My Certified Lympedemologist is a young man (probably 30 - 35), very knowledgeable and I am totally comfortable dealing with him. His knowledge is great - but he's limited with experience with BC women - I'm his second -he's learned a lot from/with me - LOL.

    All my Chemo nurses were women - only had a complaint with one - she was a new hire and apparently she was 'preaching' to everyone that came in aboout how her religion was the only one - I'm not the only one that reported her and she was gone within 2 weeks.

    Blood draws - I'd much rather have a man do it - many women do it too 'easy' to not hurt but in reality (to me anyway) poking it in slow hurts a lot more - but then I have good veins and hitting one is no an issue (IF 'you' know what 'you're' doing). Just remembered on vein stick tough that was a 'mess' and it was a male RN tht did it. My last CT he injected the 'stuff' but before he got it in he had had blood flowing everywhere - had a blood draw a couple of days later for an appt and the tech (he's my usual drawer and says I'm reeallly a male based on my veins) was horrified at how bad my elbow still looked and wanted to know who had "butchered" (his word) my vein - apparently this RN often does such but he was able to go higher up my arm for that draw which didn't hurt that bad to keep from having to go to the hand.

    Sorry for running on so - will put it short - it is the person - not their 'plumbing' that makes them someone I'm comfortable with or not.

    (Hubby's PCP is a woman - he like her - says she listens better.)

    Susan

    Forgot to add - My Surgeon used to have a male PA - he was great but he got a job at a teaching university near his wife's home town so took and moved away - the new PA is a woman and i did not like her at all - she was too hurried and didn't like my questions.
  • Double Whammy
    Double Whammy Member Posts: 2,832 Member
    #8
    Rague said:

    As I've said so often - we
    As I've said so often - we are all unique.

    I can't say that is matter to me rather or not the Dr/Nurse/Tech/etc. is a man or woman - it is their overall 'being' that makes me comfortable with them (or not). But then I've always been very healthy and so haven't had a lot of interaction with Drs over the years except for minor problems (sinus infections, colds, etc.). Also having been raised as an Air Force Brat - been in the Army and a Navy wife for Hubby's 20 years Navy - I've mostly dealt with military Drs and all have been men. The only female Dr I've had a long term 'relationship' with (15 yrs) is my current PA - she's with VA and is fantastic. All my Drs I've had with IBC have been men and they were all I could ask for. My Certified Lympedemologist is a young man (probably 30 - 35), very knowledgeable and I am totally comfortable dealing with him. His knowledge is great - but he's limited with experience with BC women - I'm his second -he's learned a lot from/with me - LOL.

    All my Chemo nurses were women - only had a complaint with one - she was a new hire and apparently she was 'preaching' to everyone that came in aboout how her religion was the only one - I'm not the only one that reported her and she was gone within 2 weeks.

    Blood draws - I'd much rather have a man do it - many women do it too 'easy' to not hurt but in reality (to me anyway) poking it in slow hurts a lot more - but then I have good veins and hitting one is no an issue (IF 'you' know what 'you're' doing). Just remembered on vein stick tough that was a 'mess' and it was a male RN tht did it. My last CT he injected the 'stuff' but before he got it in he had had blood flowing everywhere - had a blood draw a couple of days later for an appt and the tech (he's my usual drawer and says I'm reeallly a male based on my veins) was horrified at how bad my elbow still looked and wanted to know who had "butchered" (his word) my vein - apparently this RN often does such but he was able to go higher up my arm for that draw which didn't hurt that bad to keep from having to go to the hand.

    Sorry for running on so - will put it short - it is the person - not their 'plumbing' that makes them someone I'm comfortable with or not.

    (Hubby's PCP is a woman - he like her - says she listens better.)

    Susan

    Forgot to add - My Surgeon used to have a male PA - he was great but he got a job at a teaching university near his wife's home town so took and moved away - the new PA is a woman and i did not like her at all - she was too hurried and didn't like my questions.

    What modesty?
    Breast surgeon - male. (40ish)
    Medical oncologist - female (43)
    Radiation oncologist - female. Very young (early 30's)
    Gynecologic oncologist - male (mid 50's).
    Radiologists for biopsies and ultrasounds - both
    Primary Care physician - female (40ish)
    Radiation techs - both
    Mammography techs - female

    Wow, we have lots of individuals looking at our parts, don't we?

    Because all these folks on my list are part of a teaching institution, they often have others tagging along with them (residents or students - all children!), but they do ask permission and I always grant it. I really don't mind showing my breasts to health care peeps because that part of me was sick and needs to be looked after, but I've never been comfortable with pelvic exams. Unfortunately for me, that part was sick, too, and now gets looked at every 4 months. My male gyn oncologist is very kind and gentle (and fast), and his expertise and "trained eye" means more to me than him being male. I still don't like it but I'm not sure it would make any difference if I had a female gyn/onc.

    I remind myself that these people know what to look and feel for and which of my complaints are something to be concerned about and which aren't. I'm quite comfortable discussing my health with any of them. I do like them, but I don't see them to talk about my family or even what book I'm reading although we do sometimes go there. I don't see any of them socially, so maybe that helps.

    Suzanne
  • sea60
    sea60 Member Posts: 2,613
    #9
    Double Whammy said:

    What modesty?
    Breast surgeon - male. (40ish)
    Medical oncologist - female (43)
    Radiation oncologist - female. Very young (early 30's)
    Gynecologic oncologist - male (mid 50's).
    Radiologists for biopsies and ultrasounds - both
    Primary Care physician - female (40ish)
    Radiation techs - both
    Mammography techs - female

    Wow, we have lots of individuals looking at our parts, don't we?

    Because all these folks on my list are part of a teaching institution, they often have others tagging along with them (residents or students - all children!), but they do ask permission and I always grant it. I really don't mind showing my breasts to health care peeps because that part of me was sick and needs to be looked after, but I've never been comfortable with pelvic exams. Unfortunately for me, that part was sick, too, and now gets looked at every 4 months. My male gyn oncologist is very kind and gentle (and fast), and his expertise and "trained eye" means more to me than him being male. I still don't like it but I'm not sure it would make any difference if I had a female gyn/onc.

    I remind myself that these people know what to look and feel for and which of my complaints are something to be concerned about and which aren't. I'm quite comfortable discussing my health with any of them. I do like them, but I don't see them to talk about my family or even what book I'm reading although we do sometimes go there. I don't see any of them socially, so maybe that helps.

    Suzanne

    My modesty went out the window
    after being diagnosed with cancer! It was a whirlwind of being poked and prodded, operated and radiated, examined and x-rayed and everything in between by a string of folks both male and female. Never really had a problem with anyone.

    Sylvia
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #10
    Male GYNO for most of my adult life
    I did change to female due to moved...I DID NOT care for her at all..evening being female so I NOW drive to CT from NYS to see my long time, very caring GYNO appts.

    DURING radiation I had split team of males and females..they were all very professional and respectful. I can not say I notice a differnece in either gender!

    I have female oncologist in Dr office and MALE onolcogist at cancer center. Had Male surgeon (as well as my gyno mentioned above)

    Mammograms techs always female!
  • tgf
    tgf Member Posts: 950 Member
    #11
    disneyfan2008 said:

    Male GYNO for most of my adult life
    I did change to female due to moved...I DID NOT care for her at all..evening being female so I NOW drive to CT from NYS to see my long time, very caring GYNO appts.

    DURING radiation I had split team of males and females..they were all very professional and respectful. I can not say I notice a differnece in either gender!

    I have female oncologist in Dr office and MALE onolcogist at cancer center. Had Male surgeon (as well as my gyno mentioned above)

    Mammograms techs always female!

    I agree with Sylvia
    My "modesty" went out the window a long time ago. In fact while I was having radiation my radiation oncologist (male) asked me to open my gown so he could look at the what was going on ... and I stood right up and literally whipped BOTH sides of the gown open... even though my treatment was only on one side. He laughed and said ... "I ONLY need to see the treated side" ... but I told him I was so used to flashing the whole thing ... it didn't even cross my mind that he didn't want to see EVERYTHING!

    hugs.
    teena
  • CypressCynthia
    CypressCynthia Member Posts: 4,014 Member
    #12
    I personally do not care
    I personally do not care about the gender issue much.

    My GYN is the kindest individual on the face of the earth and he is male. After my initial diagnosis, he insisted that I call him at home with any problem. We did call him a few times and, each time, he rushed over with his doctor bag: one time he gave me a shot for nausea; another time he examined my sore throat and started me on antibiotics, so I wouldn't have to go to the office. Angels can indeed be male!

    However, I can understand certain instances--especially if a woman has a history of abuse by a male--where gender can be very important.

    If you are uncomfortable, speak up, but do understand that, if you are basing your decision on picking a provider on gender, you might just miss the best care.

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