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just feeling blah today

karenbeth's picture
karenbeth
Posts: 194
Joined: Sep 2010

Went to get my hair cut today...way overdue, and I finally carved out a little time. It made me feel depressed...so hard to make small talk there about this and that...no one knows what my life is like these days except you all here. So thank you, and I hope you all have a good weekend.

Karen

DrMary's picture
DrMary
Posts: 527
Joined: Nov 2010

Yes, on the one hand, you are a stranger in a strange land - probably no one there knows what it is like to be one of us. On the other hand, you never know - a friend of mine at work just talked to me about how depressed she still is (her son killed himself a year ago). She can't talk to anyone else, because they just don't get it. You just never know when you might meet someone else who gets it. . . or who needs you to get it.

Also, good for you to do the haircut thing. I bet you look great.

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

Dear Karen, So glad you were able to make a little time to do a very basic thing. It is hard going "out there" where everyone is going about their lives while we are living this nightmare!

I so agree with DrMary. I had to stop for gas today and right next to the station there is a little shop, so I decided to go in and look. Cute shop and struck up a conversation with the lady working there. Before you knew it we had shared or losses, she had lost her husband to lung cancer 3 yrs ago and is still having a hard time! She shared how just after being his caregiver and losing him, she became her mother's caregiver, not really ill, just elderly, and very demanding! All she does is go to work 3 days a week and visits her grandchildren for 3 hrs on Sundays. The rest of the time she is at her mother's beck and call. She is 68, still with much life in her and has never really grieved the loss of her husband or begun her new journey!

I listened, I shared, I told her to be strong and MAKE time for herself, and that I would keep her in my prayers. She asked me to stop by occasionally for a chat. I have had a few rough days lately with my grieving and here a situation presented itself where I was able to give a little comfort to someone! Felt good.

Take care, dear one. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Lucy

mswijiknyc's picture
mswijiknyc
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

at first when I would go out it made me feel depressed and guilty. I got to be out among the "normal" while Pat was at home. After a while you feel like you're in a costume party. Nobody knows who you are but you because the face you show isn't truly yours.

Hugs hun - here when you need.

Pennymac02's picture
Pennymac02
Posts: 336
Joined: Aug 2010

As usual, April, you described it to a "T". This is exactly how I felt, but couldn't put it into words.
Penny

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

April,'
Wow, you just explained so much how I feel. Everyone says "you are doing so good", but little do they know that I'm wearing a mask & looking good for them! Underneath my heart is still breaking even though it's been one year since I lost Tom.
Going through watching our husbands die is like having one foot in "hell"! But we all have new lives now that we're alone, so now have to depend on our friends and all the new friends on the site who know what we're feeling. People try to say good things, but until they've gone through what we have they don't understand how devastating it is.
You've gone through your first holiday without Pat, and you've made it. I have now gone through all the firsts, so hope it is a little easier this next year.
Take care April!!! Luv, Carole

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1561
Joined: Nov 2009

Hey Karen
I got my hair cut this week too! It felt sooo good afterwards. I am sure you feel better now that yours is cut too. Take it easy. One day at a time. Me time is very important. We are thinking of you. Stay in touch.
Tina in Va

karenbeth's picture
karenbeth
Posts: 194
Joined: Sep 2010

I do like my haircut! I am feeling better after a calm weekend. April's comment about it being like a costume party hit it right on the nail. And Lucy and Dr.Mary you are right as well, there are people IRL who do get it. I just spoke to one a little while ago.

Peace,
Karen

Noellesmom
Posts: 1306
Joined: Aug 2010

I think it is important to take small steps rather than take none at all.

I am proud of your haircut and we haven't even seen it yet!

karenbeth's picture
karenbeth
Posts: 194
Joined: Sep 2010

Yes, well if I could find the cable to connect my camera to the computer, I'd post a picture of myself. Until then, enjoy my cat, Dusty :)

I see a decline in him today, had a rough morning, let's hope tomorrow is better.

Karen

mswijiknyc's picture
mswijiknyc
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

I won't say the same phrase you hear from everyone else, because God knows if I hear it one more time I'm going to loose it.

All I can say is stay present. Live in the here and now, every day is a memory.

hugs hun, here when you need.

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