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Im sorry but I have finished ladies

rubyslippers
Posts: 53
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi Ladies, you may remember me , my mum passes away 31 July last year from a very unexpected ovarian cancer at the young age of 61, It caught every unaware more so her great hubbie and my sister and myself. My dad is in a bad way and I can not to do anything to take the pain away, I have three children 17 13 and 7 and I can not do this anymore, my hubbie had caught my twice eating tablets and stopped me, I dont have no energy in me to fight this grief and sadness and emptyness, I just want to go and join my mum now. I cant find no reason for anything in life, we all life and die so what the point. Last weekend my hubbie mentioned my mums name so I punched him in the face and bit and then ran out of the house with my mighty to get away from it all. Nothing is going to get easier, sorry this is not a happier text but I just must not be a strong as some poeple, I admit defeat like eats away as you all, it erodes at you till you give in, You may call me a horrible person but i want to join my mum. Am I the only person that is feeling like this please,
Rubyslippers

DaughterDearest's picture
DaughterDearest
Posts: 22
Joined: Dec 2010

I'm very, very sorry to hear about your mother. I, too, lost my mother at the tender age of 19. And now, at 27, my father is also slowly going downhill because of his cancer. Not only that, but I lost all of my grandparents to cancer, as well.

Losing both parents before I even turn 30 is and has been the most dreadful, painful experience. I would not wish this despair and grief on anyone.

You're not alone in feeling absolutely helpless and lost. My mother was my best friend; my mentor; my hero. I miss her more than words can express. And even after 8 years, I still cry for her. BUT that doesn't mean that *I* stop living MY life. My mother wouldn't want me to give up and your mother wouldn't want YOU to give up, either. There IS sun through the rain and let me tell you, life is still worth living, even if it's just to be there for your children.

Some days are going to be harder than others, of course. But as I tell people, you have to just keep on truckin'. Hang in there. Life is worth it. And you ARE stronger than you think. :-)

Cindy Bear
Posts: 560
Joined: Jul 2009

Ruby, I am sorry, sorry for your loss, your Dad's poor health.. I lost my mother in June 09 to uterine cancer. She was 79 but not ready to die, and we weren't ready to lose her. At the same time of her diagnosis, my husband lost his job, and my work was cut to 4 days week. Then in June 2010, my FIL passed suddenly (heart attack) no warning, my BIl passed away Aug. 2010 , he had Esoph. cancer and we knew he was terminal, but it still hit like a sledgehammer, he was only 58.. 3 yrs ago, I would have said I wasn't a strong person, but guess what, I am incredibly strong. I had no choice but to find that strength. I had a husband and family and friends depending on me. A household to run. Yes I was sad and depressed and angry. My anger was my salvation actually, it kept me going when nothing else could... You have a husband, children, a sister, a sick father.... you are strong and healthy. Read the stories of some of the survivors and current cancer patients and what they are going through.... How sad your mother would be, if she knew that you were feeling sorry for yourself taking pills..... I wish I knew where you lived Ruby, I'd come over and kick you in the arse.. because that's what you need right now...Sometimes it's good medicine.
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, go hug your husband and your kids.....Find your strength...

rubyslippers
Posts: 53
Joined: Jul 2010

Thank you for your replies,, It makes me feel selfish, the way I am feeling and reading what have both been through, and your right, I do need a proverbial kick up the bum, I so agree. I am just so..so.. I do not know how to explain it, but everything is just pointless, what is the point of everything ?? I will try my best to sort myself out, and if you ladies need to rant, I will listen any time take care and be good xxxxx

Beckymarie
Posts: 358
Joined: Aug 2009

I recently attended a support group for young widows. A comment was made that we have options rather than continuing to live the lonely, depressing lives we were currently living. Suicide is an option. I thought about this over the past few days. Is that really an option? What about those we leave behind...our children, parents, friends? I think the message we would be sending to them is "you just didn't matter enough". Grieving sucks. There are many days I don't know what my purpose in life is any more, but how could I do something so selfish to my children. They too suffered a horrible loss when their dad died. Time will eventually dull the pain. We just have to hang on.

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