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Tomorrow is my LAST chemo treatment

Texasgirl10's picture
Texasgirl10
Posts: 668
Joined: Nov 2010

I'm soooo excited. I can't wait to have this behind me. I am looking forward to feeling better and getting my blonde hair back. On the other hand, I'm kind of depressed because I know what the next step in this ugly journey is and I just don't want to have that surgery. I don't want to loose my breast. I know that everyone of you can totally understand the way I am feeling. This is just so unfair. Cancer is the ugliest, nastiest disease on earth. You lose your hair, eyelashes, eyebrows ( although I haven't lost my eyebrows) you feel horrible, can't taste anything but rusted metal, gain weight from the steroids, charlie horses in places that I never imagined you could get one, neuralgia in both hands and feet, and to add even more insult to injury lets just chop of your boobs. It's just not right. I don't want any more of this journey. I want a miracle to save my breasts. They are mine and I like them! I can't even have implants because I have IBC. I just keep wondering how in the world did this happen. Literally one minute I was fine, and the very next I noticed a red spot on my breast and it all went downhill from there. I know that just like all of you, I will be fine.
But right now I am scared and sad. I still have about a month before the surgery. I meet with the surgeon on April 18 and I will get my date then.

Thanks for letting me talk. Now I'm going to get over my sadness and get ready for the big celebration tomorrow.. I am woman hear me roar in numbers too big to ignore :)

Hugs,

Dawne

PrettyBald49's picture
PrettyBald49
Posts: 21
Joined: Feb 2011

Celebrating with you on your last chemo treatment. I finished my treatment in Jan. I had my surgery first so I do understand as we all do in some way. Even that is not always a consolation because your breast are yours, they are personal. One thing I have learned is that living my life is more important to me than my breast. Take each step of the process at a time. Get through tomorrow first. Get through post chemo next, and when the time comes look at it as an opportunity to live. You have tons of support on this network. use it as often as you can and know that we all understand and this is a safe place to vent. Take care and be strong.

I am also learning, yes we lose some things, but we gain wisdom that cannot be bought or bargined for. Take care Dawne.

Peace,
Pam

DebbyM's picture
DebbyM
Posts: 3294
Joined: Oct 2009

Congrats Dawne!

jo jo's picture
jo jo
Posts: 1175
Joined: Jun 2010

Woooo Hoooo Dawne...your last chemo treatment! I remember that feeling i was so excited for my last treatment that i was in such a good mood and so peppy that day even though it didnt last long till the sickness hit, but darn it, i still tried my hardest to be happy! Im just so sorry and sad about the next step for you. Its never easy loosing a body part even when its your boobs and i can probably say none of us want to finish this ride and want off. You look so young and im sorry you have to go thru this at all.
Have fun celebrating tomorrow you deserve it!

Hippiechick58's picture
Hippiechick58
Posts: 320
Joined: Feb 2011

Congrats on being a chemo grad! I finished chemo just last week, so I know how u feel! Enjoy your newfound freedom!

Be Well,
Dianne

Megan M's picture
Megan M
Posts: 3001
Joined: Dec 2009

Congrats Dawne! You accomplished a huge milestone!

Hugs, Megan

Jean 0609's picture
Jean 0609
Posts: 2322
Joined: Jun 2010

Congratulations on finishing your chemo. Hang in there girl. Do you know for sure that you have to have a mastectomy? Is there a possibility that the chemo has gotten rid of the cancer. I had my left breast removed last May. Although at first I was devestated, I am fine. You are a strong woman! Please keep us posted. Sending positive thoughts, prayers, and a big hug your way.

xoxo,
Jean

Boppy_of_5's picture
Boppy_of_5
Posts: 1139
Joined: Apr 2010

I know how hard this has been for you. I just sent you a text because I think you should be in the infusion room and hooked up and going by know. You have a strong faith and I know you are going to do just fine.I will talk to you later. God Bless
(((hugs))) Janice

Double Whammy's picture
Double Whammy
Posts: 2276
Joined: Jun 2010

It seems like only yesterday that you first posted and now you're completing your chemo and on to the next step in your battle. My heart goes out to you. I hate it that so many young women are faced with this monster.

I wish I knew something that would make it better/easier for you. I can only listen and send all my hugs, support, prayers and positive thoughts your way. We're all here to offer that.

Love, Suzanne

survivorbc09
Posts: 4378
Joined: Jun 2009

Congratulations!

Hugs, Jan

cavediver's picture
cavediver
Posts: 607
Joined: Apr 2010

WooHoo....you got it done! Take a breath and celebrate that you have finished with chemo! I understand your journey is not over and you must now face surgery that you did not want...but you will survive this and have a life to live! It absolutely, no doubt about it...SUCKS! But none of us could change the cards we were dealt...so we can vent here...get mad, but by all means FIGHT to live. Hugs, and more hugs sent your way

janelle2011's picture
janelle2011
Posts: 21
Joined: Mar 2011

First of all....Congratulations! What a fabulous feeling to be done with the first chapter

I've opted to have both of mine removed. I am still debating on whether to have reconstruction though. I may not have an option though....I think I'm IBC too. We can't have implants or any of the other procedures done? That really puts you in a different frame of mind....totally!

I guess the next savings grace is all the new products out! :o)

Congratulations again!

Gabe N Abby Mom's picture
Gabe N Abby Mom
Posts: 2415
Joined: Sep 2010

Girl, you know I'm cheering and dancing for you. Just tried to call you, I'll try again till I catch you.

Hugs,

Linda

BlownAway60's picture
BlownAway60
Posts: 833
Joined: Nov 2009

I know how great you must be feeling knowing this is now behind you.

Hugs

Donna

DianeBC's picture
DianeBC
Posts: 3888
Joined: Jun 2009

WOOT WOOT! Congrats!

cahjah75's picture
cahjah75
Posts: 2623
Joined: Jun 2010

for now just celebrate that you have finished chemo. I know having your boobs cut off is an awful decision to make. I did it and have elected no reconstruction. I wear prosthetic bras. I finished rads in Feb and am still waiting for my hair to grow back where I want it to and to feel whatever is my new normal. Let us know when you have a date for surgery and we'll keep you company in the OR.
{{hugs}} Char

BioAdoptMom3
Posts: 43
Joined: Mar 2011

Soooooooooooooooo excited for you and celebrating with you that chemo will now be behind you, hurray!!!!!!!!! I know you are not looking forward to surgery. This is a horrible beast we have to deal with isn't it?!?! For this weekend though, concentrate on celebrating the end of chemo!

Nancy

Texasgirl10's picture
Texasgirl10
Posts: 668
Joined: Nov 2010

Thank You all for your kind words and positive thoughts. I rang that bell loud and proud today and you were all there with me :) Infact, I honestly had a room full of family and frineds with me to celebrate. It was awesome!!! I'm so relieved to have this part over. I have to go back tomorrow for that nasty neulasta shot, but it's my last one and I can do this. I'm feeling much better this evening about the next step. I know I'm on an emotional roller coaster and one minute I feel ok about the next step and the next I'm not feeling so good about it. But just like ya'll I am strong and yes I can do this. And the best part is I know I'm not doing it alone. I have all of you, a great husband, and the most wonderful family. I am truly blessed.

Hugs and God Bless,

Dawne

Angie2U's picture
Angie2U
Posts: 2993
Joined: Sep 2009

Congratulations Dawne!

lpfreelancer
Posts: 1
Joined: Mar 2011

Hi Dawne,

I too was just diagnoised with IBC on February 11th, 2011. I have received 2 chemo treatments so far and was told eventually I will have my right breast removed and radiation.
I get so down and Yes! This is no fair, for us or anyone else having to deal with this monster. I also don't want to lose my breast, but if it keeps us alive, I am for it!

I too was fine one minute, there was never any breast cancer in my family and one day the nightmare started. I plan on getting just a regular bra, stuff them with silicone looking breasts and move on. That is all I can do since IBC doesn't allow for reconstruction.

I lost my hair after the first chemo treatment. I was jaundice and had to have a stent inserted in my liver bile duct. I have a power port and the cathether couldn't be placed in my chest, so they put it in my neck!

Keep in touch. I will say prayers for you.

Don't worry about the surgery, you will be closer to ending this battle and you will win!!!

Katmy
Posts: 93
Joined: Mar 2011

Slightly off the subject:
When my husband was stationed in Germany, we had regular occasion to see the soldiers coming from Afghanistan and Iraq all torn up mentally and physically. Then, again, at Walter Reid, where the recovery/ therapy continued on home soil. My heart went out to those soldiers who returned to their tara, the families, their lives with a totally different set of goals for their lives. Would they fit into their families? Would their families accept their physical and mental handicaps? How would the soldier navigate "reality" in safe environments?

In some ways, I feel like this soldier. My wound is visible for all to see. My psyche is ever ravaged by the war torn landscape of breast cancer war. I can impathize better with persons of handicap both physically and mentally. There are others out there that experience this same kind of rebirth that cancer survivors do. And I feel some gratitude that I have acquired this wisdom. I hope I will put it to good use when I am done Chemo and able rejoin the masses.

Congratulations to you on coming so far in your journey. You have inspired me and I know that Chemo does end. What a huge accomplishment. Thanks for sharing.

1acme
Posts: 77
Joined: Mar 2011

Hi Dawne - TexasGirl

Well I am on the begining of my journey with BC, just diagnosed this year. I had on Valentine's day my surgery (Lumpectomy, Centennial note ans 14 lymph notes removed) and I am still waiting for Radiation & Chemo. However I had been diagnosed with DCIS and chances that they will "offer" me "double removal" is quite high. I am only 37 and have no children, so chances that I will never have children in furure is almost for sure (after chemo).
I know that loosing breast may be frustrating idea BUT you can always get new ones, that you can pick the size & shape. They could be your NEW DREAM "shopping" for new boobs .... At least that I looking on it. Try to look possitive on this, please.
Good luck
Helen

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