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Going to group . . .

mswijiknyc's picture
mswijiknyc
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

Today is the third Sunday of the month, which means that the Manhattan chapter of Nu-Voices met today. Nu-Voices works with the International Association of Laryngectomys and has a great group of laryngectomys and their spouses and families who come together to offer support, advice, and camaraderie as there are so many (most of the population) who just don't get what being a laryngectomy is like.

I've been doing really good for a couple weeks, but today broke me. It was so hard to sit with everyone and say that Pat had his surgery in October 2010 and passed away last month. It was harder still to listen to a well known laryngectomy speak about life being a laryngectomy and all it entails especially the drepression. That is what hurt him the most right after his surgery and there was nothing I could do and it killed me. It was almost impossible to listen politely to a gentleman from a medical supply company that offers products geared toward living life with a stoma. All I could think was godDAMit you should be here, this should be your life that you are getting ready for, that WE are getting ready for, WHY AREN'T YOU HERE??? WHY???

I stopped by a bar and had bar food for lunch - fish and chips, comfort food. Then listened to Rihanna's Umbrella on the ferry home. I hope and pray he heard it and understands I mean every word in that song, because I stood by his side unwavering.

Ba cheart duit a bheith anseo, agus nach bhfuil tú. Is fada liom uaim tú amhlaidh

You had my heart, and we'll never be worlds apart
Maybe in magazines, but you'll still be my star
Baby 'cause in the dark, you can't see shiny cars
And that's when you need me there
With you, I'll always share

Because when the sun shines, we'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath, I'ma stick it out to the end

Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella

These fancy things will never come in between
You're part of my entity, here for infinity
When the war has took its part
When the world has dealt its cards
If the hand is hard, together we'll mend your heart

Because when the sun shines, we'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath, I'ma stick it out to the end

Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella

You can run into my arms
It's okay, don't be alarmed, come in to me
There's no distance in between our love
So go on and let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more

Because when the sun shines, we'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath, I'ma stick it out to the end

Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

April,
Seems like maybe you were having a bad day which you are entitled to have. Pat hasn't been gone long and it's going to happen more than once.
I don't know how your weather was today. But here in Greendale, Wi. it was dark, gloomy and rainy all day. And it was just a year ago today that Tom went to our grandson's 6th birthday. Never dreamed it would be the last time he'd be at their house. He died on March 25th, so I've been having alot of bad days lately. Still haven't got rid of alot of his clothes and today I went in his closet, held one of his shirts & stood there and cried. I sure hope after friday which is the one year anniversary that I am okay again. This sucks! I should've gone to the mall just to get out of the house. My daughter was here yesterday so told her to stay home today. And both the boys and their families were busy, so no one stopped over.
What you posted, was that just a poem or was it a song?
Take care and nice hearing from you again. Remember "one day at a time"!
Friends, Carole

mswijiknyc's picture
mswijiknyc
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

I get most of what I post from music as the combination of words and sound express what I'm feeling well. That is Rihanna, the song is Umbrella.

Another one that explains alot from me to Pat is Sunflowers by the band Everclear. I've favorited this on YouTube and it's made it on my iPod. Even in death all I want is the best for my husband. Yesterday was the first time I really wanted to go see him. Odd.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZEnI9PTPTs&feature=feedf_more

karenbeth's picture
karenbeth
Posts: 194
Joined: Sep 2010

...to you. Frank and I saw The Adjustment Bureau the other day and there was a line that Matt Damon said to Emily Blunt, something about that he loves her and wants to spend the rest of his life with her, even if it is just for a little while. That almost made me cry. Frank and I have only been together going on 9 years...thought it would be much, much longer. Let yourself feel sad...you'll be okay.

Karen

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