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Fast approaching one year...

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

Carole,

It is fast approaching one year since my beloved husband, Dennis, was diagnosed with extensive small cell lung cancer. When he was first dx, things were so hectic, pic line, first line chemo, that it wasn't until June 2010 that I was able to join CSN and begin to post.

You were one of the first that replied. Forgive me, but I remember thinking, oh Lord, please don't let me have to go through with what Carole went through! The way you lost your Tom was so traumatic! And as Dennis responded well to the first-line chemo, I thought, maybe I won't have to...

I know so well what you have gone through. And you having expressed it in your posts, makes me believe that survival is possible! Grieving is on going, but there is tomorrow.

Forgive me, dear heart, if my posts bring tears to your eyes. I write what I feel. And perhaps in our sharing, it lets us know that we are not alone.

This new journey that we are on, not one we wanted or asked for, is so full of sadness. Somewhere deep inside, I know it will also be full of new experiences, new adventures, new knowledge. I know what you must be thinking, as I think it often, too, " but I loved the journey I was on, I was happy, it was all that I had ever wished for"!

We have often commended our dear husbands for their battle and courage. But do you know what? More and more, I'm beginning to think that it takes a hell of alot of courage to go on, as we are doing! Not to take away from what they experienced, but we must do this until it is our time.

I am blessed to know you and have you in my life, even if it is through the internet! I hope that a few years from now we will still be communicating and sharing in each others life!

Lucy

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Lucy,
You are right again! We saw our husbands suffer, but we are the ones who have alot of courage to move on with our new life. I know we don't have a choice, but we are going to make it Lucy, I promise!! I have Tom's picture on my mirror in the bedroom and talk to him alot. Crazy, but he has such a sexy smile on it and I feel like he's looking at me when I look at it. Gosh, hope I'm not losing it! I also have a picture of the two of us sitting out on our patio taped right on the computer desk in front of me. Guess it makes me feel like he's kind of with me.
I have so many great friends and they've really included me in going out to dinner and stuff. Sometimes it feels kind of awkward, but hey, if they don't care I'll go!!!
Do you work ? I don't and never had too, but I have a coffee shop down in our village and go there every day for a couple hours. Our group of people has grown to about 25 people and they have really been a good support.
Well, gosh, guess I should stop talking for now. Take care and I, too, hope we remain friends! Carole

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1560
Joined: Nov 2009

Dear Carole and Lucy
I would like to thank you both for always being there this entire year. Thank you for always posting. Thank you for always encouraging those of us who are grieving and mourning. It is through your encouragement, that I can see through another day. You both have made it a little easier for me to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I have a picture of my dad on my car's visor, I talk to him daily, so no Carole we are not losing it! Thanks again girls, and let's keep keeping on! :)
Tina in Va

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