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I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

tanker sgv's picture
tanker sgv
Posts: 128
Joined: Nov 2010

U took my parents, grandparents, aunts, &uncles. U come knocking whenever u want and thiers nothing I can do to u. I wish I could torcher u like u have done to the ones I love. I am left wondering why at 27 years old my family is gone. U killed my dad at 37 and my mom at 47 no one has seen the joy of growing older then 62. The love I carry for my family is all I had, but u didn't care. Now I am left a 27 year old drop out with no job, girlfriend, or parents. Now the only two people I have left I try to avoid because I worry u will take them from me too. U have hardend me from loveing. I ******* hate you. No matter what I do u find a way to be in my life. But guess what ******* you ****ed up, without u I would have not spent so much quality time with my family
U brought me closser to my parents then I could have done on my own. U gave me a passion to help the helpless. U gave me knowledge and maturity. As I write this I am reminded I win because ur cancer and I'm dedicated to kicking ur ass whenever u show ur face. Thanks all I just needed to vent

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

Very good, let it all out! Tell cancer what you really think and feel. Don't hold back. It is great to make it your enemy and then do battle with it by first, living. And in your living, be an advocate. Tell everyone and any one that will listen. Take care, have check-ups, press your docs for more testing if you are at risk! Join a cancer advocacy group.

I lost my beloved husband of almost 30 years this last December to lung cancer. Through my sorrow, anger and grief, it has empowered me to be a part of movements that advocate more funding for research, treatments and dare I utter the word, cure!

This web site has been a God send for me! While we battled my love's cancer and now, when I find myself an unwilling member of a "widow" society. Come back often, share your thoughts and feelings. You will always find comfort here!

Take care,

Lucy

tanker sgv's picture
tanker sgv
Posts: 128
Joined: Nov 2010

I feel the same way about being an advocate for those who are busy fighting for their lives. I actually started a cause on fb to raise awareness for all cancers. We need equal funding and treatment across the board. I think every cancer patient should be assined someone who can be a voice of communication between the drs and patients and do research on behalf of all parties involved. Its time we make a change to further benefit all affected by this disease. I think a good start would be to make October cancer month when my aunt was told about her breast cancer the only ribbon she would wear was lavender and the same for my mom who had colon cancer. Anyway if you would like to check out my cause and possibly join go to causes.com/a_ribbon _for_all_cancers. Thank-you so much for your words of understanding, it is comforting to know I am never alone in the way I feel.

neverquit
Posts: 221
Joined: Oct 2010

Trust me tanker sgv, you are NOT alone in how you feel about this dreadful, good for nothing disease.

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

So glad to see that you, as I do, have an outlet for all the pent up anger! Perhaps our frustration will help someone out there. :)

Lucy

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi,
I'm so sorry for what you've gone through at only 27 years old. You are pissed and it's good that you've let your anger out to us. We're here for you and will listen to you any time you need us. This is your new family cause we're all bonded by this disease and what we've gone through.
Have you thought about seeing a counselor? I had alot of anger and also was very depressed when my husband died last March. It helped alot to have someone to talk to. And usually the Hospital where your parents were might have a counselor you could see. I didn't have to pay anything and I went to her for 10 months.
Please don't beat yourself up and call yourself a dropout. You're worth alot and sometimes it just takes awhile to find yourself. It isn't easy once you turn into an adult and have to face different challenges every day, but you'll do okay. Jobs aren't easy to find right now, but don't be down on yourself, okay? Please keep coming on here so we can cheer you up!! Carole

rn11_2012's picture
rn11_2012
Posts: 15
Joined: Feb 2011

Hi. I'm Courtney. I definitely understand how you feel. I've lost my grandfather,two aunts,and my dad to cancer. My dad was the most recent. He passed January of this year after only being diagnosed for three months. Cancer sucks and I hate it. Just like you I'm relatively young..I'm only 20. It feels like I'm slowly losing my family. My dad was only 49 and both my aunts were relatively young as well. You are not alone in this. Everyone I've encountered on here has been extremely supportive even when my friends weren't.Like someone else on here commented, the people on here kind of become a new family. We all share a common bond. It may not be a pleasant one but the one thing I do know for sure is I'm a much stronger person after dealing with all of this.I'm always more than willing to listen and talk if you ever need someone. I'm sorry for your losses.

DaughterDearest's picture
DaughterDearest
Posts: 22
Joined: Dec 2010

I can relate to you, 100%! And yes, I'm just as angry as you are at cancer. I HATE CANCER!! "Hate" is not even the right word for it. If there's a more hateful word than "hate", THAT'S the word to use!

Cancer has taken all of my grandparents (plus step-grandparents), aunts, uncles, my mother (at the young age of 44), and now my father (diagnosed May 2010 with lung cancer which is now spreading). I know my father is not going to pull through this; right now it's just a waiting game.

I'm the same age as you, as well - 27. Losing practically every single family member all before I turn 30 is devastating. If I could do ANYTHING to change the past, I would in a second. I want my happy family back!! :-(

Anyway, sorry, ranting here as well. *sigh*

Hopeful720's picture
Hopeful720
Posts: 92
Joined: Feb 2010

My dad passed away of sarcoma in both lungs at the age of 56 - I am 28. My Aunt is in remission for colon cancer, but almost lost here life, my grandmother had breast cancer. I feel scared whenever I go to the doctor, I feel scared when anyone I love goes to the doctor. I miss my dad so much it hurts... I f'in hate cancer!!!!! I am so glad I have all of you here to share in the pain, grief, suffering, sadness, tears, heartache...

I am sorry you're going through so much pain - my prayers are with you.

You have come to the right place.

ChrisMcG
Posts: 18
Joined: May 2010

Im 18 and lost my mom to Stage IV ovarian cancer yesterday (April 4), this is beautiful.

I couldn't agree with you anymore. I want to be mad at something or someone, but I've thought there is no one. But you're right, we win. Cancer will make us stronger then we ever have been.

Thanks so much for posting this.

neverquit
Posts: 221
Joined: Oct 2010

ChrisMcG. I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom. She will always be with you and cancer can NEVER take away the memories. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care.

tanker sgv's picture
tanker sgv
Posts: 128
Joined: Nov 2010

Chrismcg, one thing I've learned is anger is a great way to vent as long as its directed to the real reason ur mad. I learned that the hard way. I was pissed at the world, myself, doctors, what ever. It wasn't until I wrote that post that I learned cancer was the ONLY one I should be mad at. So what I'm saying I guess, is be mad and use that anger to fuel the fire to do something productive. I started a cause on Facebook, I even got a tattoo that says "fu©k cancer" under it I put 3/4/10. The date isn't the day anyone died its the day my mom finished chemo, the joy of that day is the days to remember not the bad ones. We have the power to remember the victory's. The good times. U ever need to vent or got a question feel free to hit me up .

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