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Scared as heck

Hq18
Posts: 24
Joined: Mar 2011

I was recently diagnosed with head and neck cancer. I had a fairly large tumor, doctors words,in my limpnoid and just two weeks ago went thru a right-side disection. Thankfully, the cancer had not spread so can do just raidiation and not Chemo. Doctor suggest feeding tube! I am really scared at this time as my wife, of 16 years, left me two days ago without any warning. I spoke to her yesterday and she is thinking of giving us a another chance and is going to let me know. Right now I am scared as heck to go thru this without her! Any ideas of resources anyone has used to help cope with this and to not spiral in depression?

connieprice1's picture
connieprice1
Posts: 299
Joined: Oct 2010

Hello Hq18, Is the doctor telling you that the cancer is only in your lymph node? Normally the tumor would originate somewhere else and then spread to the lymph node. Are you seeing an ear, nose and throat doctor because if you have not then you should. I am sorry to here your wife is missing-in action. Hopefully she will realize that cancer is not a death sentence and stand by you during this difficult time. Good luck with this and keep your chin up. Your friends, Homer & Connie

Hq18
Posts: 24
Joined: Mar 2011

Homer and Connie, I am seeing a E & N & T doctor. What they tell me is that the tumor in my lymph node was a secondary cancer of the throat cancer that usually developes in the back of the tongue or back of the throat. They have not been able to find the primary. They did find a really small area in the back of my throat that showed up on pet scan that they think may be the primary. I also had a throat biopsy that came back negative as well. I am keeping hope that my wife does give me another opportunity so we can get through this difficult time and live long life together! Thank you again for the input!

sweetblood22's picture
sweetblood22
Posts: 3230
Joined: Jan 2010

Wow. I am really sorry to read this. I am glad that you found this site, as there is a wealth of information here, and extremely supportive people here that can help you prepare for every step you need to take in your journey.

It is scary, but you can come thru it and be a survivor. On 9/11/07, I came home to find out that my husband of 15 years was having and affair with some 25 year old bimbo. I left that night, and I had no idea where I was going to go, but I knew I'd had it, and that was the last straw. I ended up at my parents farm, and moved into one tiny room in my gram's place. Not ideal, but I worked 48-52 hrs a week and didn't have to pay rent, and since I had no where else to go, tiny room it was. I worked like mad, finally got myself divorced and released out of the almost $600,000 of debt the ex idiot had me in and I was saving for my own little house. It took about 10 months for me to feel semi normal again and I actually put a deposit on a little house in town and I started dating someone. The house ended up falling thru because I couldn't get a clear title. I got my deposit back, but I was so upset. Everyone kept telling me -"everything happens for a reason". I was supposed to close in October 'o8 and that is when I found my swollen lymph node. Long story short, I found out I had cancer. I didn't really tell the guy I was dating about the lymph node but I had to tell him when he touched my neck and it hurt and he felt it. I wasn't freaking out or anything. Just told him I had to have a scan. He stopped seeing me. I am glad that the house fell through because I couldn't work while going through treatment.

So it ended up I had Squamous Cell carcinoma unknown primary stage IV. I had a modified radical neck dissection where they took my tumor, left salivary gland, and 23 lymph nodes, three were positive. I had a peg placed, which I am glad I did because I wouldnt have made it without one, then had radiation from 4/6/09 to 5/15/09. No chemo. It was not easy to go through alone, but I did it. I wish I had found this site before hand, I would have been more prepared. The only thing I did have help with was a ride to and from rads every day, which was good, because I couldn't drive myself.

Ok, enough of my past and my story. (just wanted you to know you are not alone in what you are going through, and you can do this!) One of the things you can do is read up and prepare for what you can do that will help you get through treatment. I would stick to this site and other good ones and don't get sucked into horror stories on the Internet. I put together a thread full of resources and answers for frequently asked questions. It should be on the first page of this thread. It says something like, "HNC Superthread. A collection of links..." I basically tried to put together all the things I would have wanted to know when I was first diagnosed. There is a ton of info there. You can read a little bit every day.

I think what really helped me get thru my fear was to research as much as I could and make my health my priority. Between my surgery and rads, I worked on building up my immune system and started juicing every day. Taking an immune booster and multivitamin and work on eating even better than I was. Praying a lot, walking and excercising, meditation and learning biofeedback. The latter cane in very handy for radiation.

You can come here day or night 24/7 and post and someone will always answer you in a short time. Even of it's just to vent. We all understand.

I wish you the best. Sorry you had to join, but glad you found your way here.

Blessings,

Sweet

Hq18
Posts: 24
Joined: Mar 2011

Thanks for the info! It sounds like my diagnosis is similar. Squamous Cell carcinoma unknown primary, they have not metioned any stage. I am assuming a early stage as it did not spread to any other lymph nodes as when they did my right side disection they removed all my lymph nodes on that side. I am waiting for my incisions to heal then supposed to start raidiation 1st or 2nd part of April. Your story helps me know that I probably can make it through this. But my wife leaving is so fresh it still hurts! I am keeping faith that after our talk yesterday she will give me the opportunity to show her how much she means to me and for us to work thru this issue and beat this cancer and thru our marriage and live a long life together!

CajunEagle's picture
CajunEagle
Posts: 361
Joined: Oct 2009

Dawn, you really are a good, loving person. What a helpful/supportive post to a person in need. Give yourself a big ole hug, and have a great weekend.

Larry

Kent Cass's picture
Kent Cass
Posts: 1746
Joined: Nov 2009
Hq18
Posts: 24
Joined: Mar 2011

Thank you for the input! My wife is a wonderful women and has supported me in alot of ways over the years. I think for her it is tough to see me like this and to top it off, we had one of our boys leave for bootcamp for the Army this last Monday. So I can definetly understand that we are both under alot of stress and you are probably right, maybe I have not been the easiest to live with right now! Hopefully, she will give me another opportunity to prove to her that I can be a good husband and prove to her how much she means to me!

Kent Cass's picture
Kent Cass
Posts: 1746
Joined: Nov 2009

I hope so, too, Hq18. Just realize that priority-one is you, now, as you are the one dealing with the C. And the C can overload just about anybody's noggin. Just know that you are gonna survive this- no doubt about that. Nothing wrong with getting Counselor help, and that might include her with you. I think she will find you are a better man, than you've been for some time, when you emerge from treatment as a C survivor. This is typical with most of us. Hope the best for you.

kcass

dennis318's picture
dennis318
Posts: 349
Joined: Feb 2010

Sweet shed some light on what goes on, sorry to say...my other decided to play the field a few times as i understood it, caught her once in a truck, she denied, i accepted, then I got the video from a local physicians wife, she been seeing her husband. DING DONG, the months, I had My suspsicions as well and looked the other way while I was working, taken care of the kids and cooking, inbetween her hits and physical abuse, not to air the laundry it does happen, when my cancer hit, she looked at me at told me not to worry I would be ok, she hugged me once...the following during rads and chemo I went to work for another female owner that cared as much, i went 140 lbs from 202 to keep paying my bills and utilities and trying to keep my job, many of nights i would sit in a tub of hot water,trying to get a drink of cold water down my sore bleeding throat or upstairs puking and not enough strength to get a glass of water, my kids came and went as they liked, my son would take me to my chemo once, he couldn't take all the people getting pain meds including myself,I have to say I drove myself to every appoinment with not support from my family. I prayed to God to take me many times. My family where from outer state, when they did make it, They had the guilt of My God..."What happened?", Trach, coughing phlem, and at deaths door looking like a poster child. Sweet and i have alot of things incommon it seems, I harbor anger And I beat the devil, with the help of some Doctors that where getting threw it, alot of them said I wasn't going to make it, but got me a chair to get fluids in me and pain meds to get me threw 2-3 days of life, I made it..I plan on getting rid of my excess baggage, in a bout a year, I hope your other can can grab herself and be by yourside, you are not alone...many spouses cannot take cancer, there is turn around and you will make this!..I thanks my cancer Doctors and Nurses, they became my family, and still are,I would of died for sure..Dennis...We are here, The cancer Vicitms with friends and spouses, tell them thanks for there support and how much you love them, your one bunch of lucky people to have caring people on your side that stuck with you, I am jealous! Dennis

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