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Update... 2 More Lesions

lovingwifedeb's picture
lovingwifedeb
Posts: 184
Joined: Aug 2010

Cancer Sucks

What else do you tell yourself when naked fear once again seeps inside your bones and curls around your heart to hang on for dear life, Cancer Sucks. Driving home Bob and I become lost in our own thoughts, each trying to catch our breath with the news given at his doctor’s appointment. I notice tears falling slowly against my husband’s cheek as he tries to compose himself, my heart is breaking. We are both in shock once more and losing control in our life has become familiar ground. Talk of summer vacation this week has slowly disappeared in the background as we come to grips as our reality swiftly changes not knowing what our future may bring us.

In only 30 days 2 new lesions have appeared by Bob’s left eye. The melanoma cells have traveled from the tumor bed site that he recently had surgery on in January and gamma knife in February. The cells left there and have traveled in the lining of his brain (meninges) and have settled around his left eye becoming large enough for the MRI to detect. The doctor has recommended Whole Brain Radiation, 5 minutes per day/15 days. It’s the only way to treat the whole lining of the brain and for any melanoma cells that could be located anywhere else in his brain.

Radiation kills the bad cells and good cells... some memory loss, loss of his white hair and it will make him tired. He will start by Thursday end of day. Bob is getting headaches more often now and has difficulty sometimes with speaking.

Please keep Bob close to your hearts in the following weeks.

Peace to all.
Deb
lovingwife to Bob, stage 4 melanonma

If you would like to contact Bob
bob.rogers2010.gmail.com

If you would like to contact our family blog site:
http://redesign08.blogspot.com/

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

Deb,

How I began to hate those drives home after "result" appointments! Dennis, too, would become very quite. I pretended to be watching my driving and traffic. Inside we both just wanted to scream and the confines of the car made it all the worse. On the drives to the appointments we prayed and spoke optimistically, and even would make plans for a nice lunch or dinner afterwards. Leaving the Dr.'s office all we wanted to do was get home, lay in each others arms and not even speak. We were running out of cliches and optimism.

We usually took a rest and after a while would get up and begin to do something normal: check emails, laundry, water the plants... By evening we were able to begin to talk about what we had been told, what we thought and felt.

I hate cancer!! As if the disease isn't devastating enough, the stress these moments bring is almost as wicked as the disease itself!

You are both in my heart. I will think of you often.

Sending hugs,

Lucy

barb0305
Posts: 10
Joined: Feb 2011

Deb,
We have only begun our journey and I already hate those drives. Lucy is right-On the way you think about all the positive things and the way home focus on not screaming and crying.

Oh Yeah, did I mention that

I HATE CANCER!

Good luck with the new treatment and may the Lord look upon each and every visit. May you and Bob find peace and comfort in these times.

You guys are in my prayers!
Melissa

UKLady's picture
UKLady
Posts: 85
Joined: Jan 2011

You might ask them to define "some memory loss" more precisely if you feel up to it. My husband had WBR for brain lesions and I wish I had had more precise details before the treatments. He had maximum treatment over 10 days. PM me any time if you would like.

Warmest thoughts

Lyndsey

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Deb,
I'm so sorry to hear the bad news about Bob. He's been through so much and just picturing him with a tear running down his face reminded me of my husband when we found out he had cancer and we cried with our arms around each other. We were supposed to grow old together and now I'm alone. He was going to retire last June and never made it. I'm so scared to think of what if I get sick and he's not here for me? I have 3 great kids but it's such a life changing experience and I hate facing it!!!
Please give Bob a hug for me and tell him to hang in there and keep fighting!!!
Carole

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1614
Joined: Aug 2009

I'm sorry your news was not good. As I used to tell people, the roller coaster ride continues. Those downs are so hard. Hang in there. Hold on to each other. Prayers and hugs. Fay

lovingwifedeb's picture
lovingwifedeb
Posts: 184
Joined: Aug 2010

We had a bad episode the other night... Bob had bad headaches and I couldn't understand anything he was trying to tell me. It was so frightening, to me and to him because he knew what was happening. He couldn't get his words to come out right, the way he wanted them to. His eyes are having a hard time focusing part of the time. The guys are covering for him at work. I truly don't know how's he's doing it. I know he's scare. Seems each day gets a little bit better but not sure if it's only what he's telling me.

We are trying to understand SSI, his work disability and how it all fits together. I know Bob's worried especially since we have such good health coverage right now. It's just so frightening.

Thanks for the support.
Deb
lovingwife to Bob, stage 4

UKLady's picture
UKLady
Posts: 85
Joined: Jan 2011

hang in there Deb, Steve has had WBR as mentioned above-it will come good I am sure-just takes a little time.He had max rads over 10 days.

Steve had lost the whole of the right side,arm ,leg and speech by the time he was in ICU before he was dx'd with cancer stage 4-he returned to work *after* WBR -speech in tact,walking,driving and writing again and *very* much in charge.So breathe,baby steps. Always baby steps.

Very special thoughts to you and Bob

Lyndsey

lovingwifedeb's picture
lovingwifedeb
Posts: 184
Joined: Aug 2010

Oh Lyndsey... To be on the outside watching is so painful... If love could only fix this I would be back in control again. I appreciate your story as I have few to compare with and don't know what to expect or tell my husband. I hope it is as you say it is and as the WBR progresses his symptoms diminshes. As I'm here at work having lunch, checking messages, checking in on him at work - he tells me he is tired and so I worry... I'm glad it's Friday!

Thank you again.
Deb
lovingwife to Bob, stage 4

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Deb,
I know how stressed you are. It must be so hard to have to work while he's sick. Did you say he is still working too? Thank God it's friday so you can be home together on the weekend.
It is so darn hard watching someone you love suffer cause you feel so helpless. I only had to go through it 2 months with Tom but it was very hard. I know he probalby got sick of me saying "how ya doing?" but I was so scared & worried. And I think alot of times he said he was okay but really wasn't cause he didn't want to worry me.
Please hang in there Deb and hope you have a good weekend. Luv, Carole

Read my post about needing prayers. It's about the Japan earthquake.

UKLady's picture
UKLady
Posts: 85
Joined: Jan 2011

You are more than welcome to PM me. I can only share my own journey with Steve stage !V lung with mets to the brain. Movement is movement -so even reduction of lesions/tumours is movement and therefore leads to some unwelcome symptoms at first. Think about it! :-) Tiredness? yes he had that too.Me- I always look at Steve's eyes :-) I *know* you will know if Bob says he is feeling better it is true, ok? :-)

Baby steps-I saw tangible progress with Steve in about one week- and then of course it is ongoing progress for weeks and months.You are like me- you know your man well- so even the tiniest improvement will not escape you!

take care, please try and breathe, and yes watching it is so painful-but taking that picture of him going off for his first day back at work will be soooooooooo worth it lady :-)

Lyndsey

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