Coping

emamei · March 2011

I'm a married 42 year old mother of three daughters, ages 10, 8 and 7. I was diagnosed with Stage 2, Grade 3, Triple Negative, Invasive Ductal Carcinoma Breast Cancer on September 23, 2010; tumor size was 3.5cm and two out of 18 removed axillary lymph nodes were positive for cancer cells.

I had my lumpectomy and axillary node dissection surgery on October 21, 2010. I developed a post-op breast infection that put me in the hospital November 28, 2010. My first of eight rounds of chemo began on December 8, 2010 and has been every two weeks with the exception of two delays resulting from a recurrent breast infection.

I have two more rounds of chemo that will take me to the end of March 2011. I am facing additional surgery to my breast to clear the tissue margins and this will take place around the end of April 2011 and then I am facing 3 to 5 weeks of radiation therapy that will begin approximately a month after surgery.

I am finding it increasingly difficult to cope emotionally and physically with all that has happened to me and is happening to me and to my family as a result of my cancer. I have had little to no opportunity to think about what has happened and is happening, or try to come to terms with it all. I find that I am feeling very traumatized physically and emotionally by my cancer experience. My husband and I had gone through a lot of hardship in the few years prior to my diagnosis. We were just beginning to get on our feet when my diagnosis blind sided our lives. The future is filled with so many uncertainties for us, not just because of the cancer. We have little support or understanding from family and feel quite isolated through all of this.

I have friends who have really tried to be supportive and help when they can, but I feel horribly alone. Chemo has not been kind, as I'm sure many of you reading this can relate, but I have had every severe side effect and reaction to the chemo drugs and all the supportive treatment drugs. I was on 4 rounds of AC and I thought I would die. I have now had 2 of 4 rounds of TAXOL and it has been a whole new hell for me with side effects. I have taken NEULASTA after each treatment and the side effects of it was bad enough while on the AC drugs, now the effects are severely compounded by the TAXOL.

I have been perpetually sick, unlike anything I have experienced in my life for the last 4 months. I'm sick, exhausted, weak, and in pain constantly. I know chemo will be ending in a few weeks, but my battle with this cancer will continue through more surgery and radiation treatment. I have been depressed. I suffer from depression under the best of circumstances and do take medication for it. I have been in contact with a family counselor at my Cancer Agency and have a support friend from the Cancer Agency who calls me weekly; she herself is a Breast Cancer survivor. I just feel so hopeless at times, so overwhelmed and so trapped by this disease. I've never been a person to feel sorry for myself or indulge in self-pity. I just don't know how to cope anymore.

Another factor for me is my chemo has thrown me into the thralls of early menopause and this presents a who new set of issues that I need to find a way to cope with.

I've heard too many say "it will get better with time", or "there is light at the end of the tunnel", or "you're strong, a survivor, you will get through this". I appreciate the sincerely intentions behind these statements, but I need more than that right now. I don't know if any of you can offer anything different, but I wanted to reach out in the hopes someone could.

sbmly53 · March 2011

I am so very sorry for all that you are going through.
I can only give you my love and support, a listening ear and send tender hugs. You certainly have so much to contend with - too much. It is good that you are reaching out.

Sue

sweetvickid · March 2011

I understand
Went thru 4 rounds of TAC, 4 rounds of A/C with avastin, double mastectomy then 10 rounds of Avastin. Finished up two months ago and still feel like crap but not like a year ago. Had every side effect and became a hermit just leaving the house to go to the Dr. Friends all went away.

The only thing that kept me going was to know that every thing is temporary and going to this board where I could get info and true understanding. I made a list and as each step was done I marked it off.
Port In
TAC Chemo 1
TAC Chemo 2
TAC Chemo3
TAC Chemo4
A/c Chemo 1
A/C Chemo 2
A/C Chemo 3
A/C Chemo 4
Mastectomy
Then each of the 10 rounds of Avastin
Port out
This really helped me to look at the list and be able to say I have made it this far, I can do this.

MAJW · March 2011

We get it..we understand...
We really do...I'm not going to give you all the platitudes....I will say, "what you're going through, sucks...!" Cancer just plain sucks! I too, am triple negative, stage II. Older than you..I was 58 when diagnosed, almost two years ago...My chemo wasn't as extensive as yours...I had 4 infusions of Taxotere/Cytoxan...6/12 weeks of radiation....lumpectomy, no lymph node involvement...and 4 Neulasta injections...

You have every right to feel and be depressed! What you are going through is traumatizing, to body and mind.. There were days when first diagnosed, that I truly thought I would go bonkers! It truly does traumatize you...and I didn't have the added stress of 3 young children...mine are grown with families of their own...my heart breaks for all of us but especially young mothers like you....I wish I could just reach out to you and give you a hug...:)

So please continue posting on this board...you will find a wealth of information, unique to each individual...rant, vent away here! I believe helps to do that... We care and will listen...we all walk in the same shoes...If I can help you or again you just need an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on, please send me a private message..Be happy to give you my number...

Peace be with you,
Nancy

missrenee · March 2011

sweetvickid said:
I understand
Went thru 4 rounds of TAC, 4 rounds of A/C with avastin, double mastectomy then 10 rounds of Avastin. Finished up two months ago and still feel like crap but not like a year ago. Had every side effect and became a hermit just leaving the house to go to the Dr. Friends all went away.

The only thing that kept me going was to know that every thing is temporary and going to this board where I could get info and true understanding. I made a list and as each step was done I marked it off.
Port In
TAC Chemo 1
TAC Chemo 2
TAC Chemo3
TAC Chemo4
A/c Chemo 1
A/C Chemo 2
A/C Chemo 3
A/C Chemo 4
Mastectomy
Then each of the 10 rounds of Avastin
Port out
This really helped me to look at the list and be able to say I have made it this far, I can do this.

Emamei--I am so sorry you are having to go through all this
I don't know if anything I say will make you feel better, but I can try by saying I understand and I care. You are dealing with so much. I've been there, but have not had as many side effects as you have. You sound really down and out. I know you said that you've heard it all before--be strong, keep fighting, you'll get there, etc. etc. It must seem like it will never end, but my dear, I am here to tell you it definitely will and you will be strong and well again.

I am glad you are on an antidepressant--I am too along with many others here. If you find that yours is not helping, maybe you could speak to your doctor about trying something else. I found that when I was really low, the best advice I had was when someone told me--do not look at the big picture ahead of you--it is far too overwhelming. Instead, take one treatment at a time, one day at a time, or even one hour at a time. By breaking things down, it didn't make any of it go away, but it did become more manageable.

Please know that this is a very caring group of wonderful people. We will hold your hand, and you can vent all you want here--there will be no judgement. Please keep us informed and let us try to help you with our support, positive energy, thoughts and prayers. We really are here for you.

Hugs, Renee

Katz77 · March 2011

You have been through hell
You have been through hell before, during, bit hopefully not after. Im happy you reached out to the cancer center for help and we will be here for you also. So many have the same or near the same experiences that will be maybe some comfort for you. Main thing is you have a loving husband with 3 little girls to help you down this sucky path.
That was my first thought when diagnosised... this was going to be a long and hard road to travel. I will say it went by kind of fast. Def bumps along the way.
The terms, warrior, survivor,light at the end of the tunnel and that were strong are true terms and you've got to believe it. Cancer is not for the weak of body or mind. It is a battle and some will have ptsd.
Please stay with us, maybe we can help. Please continue to reach out for support from the cancer center and your family. My best prayer for you to feel better and for ur treatments to go smooth. I have a question. Did I see you get nulesta with the taxol? I was told I didnt have to with taxol. Mmmm course my cancer different. Maybe ask. I hated it. Made my bones feel like glass was breaking. Esp in my spine. Keep us updated and come often. Katz

Miss Murphy · March 2011

My Heart Goes Out to You
I'm so very sorry you had to find us but we're all here for you - to give cyber hugs, comfort and support. Please try and say strong for you kids. I don't have your same type of bc but I was dx three years ago this month so I hope that will give you hope that you can and will do the same. Hang in there. Hugs, Sally

jamiegww · March 2011

Sorry you're having such a tough time.
I hope you have told your oncologist everything you just told us. That being said, I had neulasta injections with four rounds of AC but I never had them with the Taxol. I agree the Taxol causes enough pain without adding to it with the neulasta. Maybe your doctor can let you try one dose without the neulasta and see how your blood counts hold up??? I also think there is an anti-depressant that can help with the menopause symptoms. Don't be afraid to tell your doctor everything you are feeling. They can't help you if they don't know. What you are feeling is normal. You didn't ask for cancer and it takes time to come to terms with it. I still yell out loud sometimes when I'm home alone "I want a do-over!". We are here whenever you need to talk.

HUGS!!!
Jamie

AMomNETN · March 2011

Yep
Yep we've all been throught this. Cancer is just plain sucky. I always wondered if the cure was worse than the cancer. I'm glad you have a husband to help support you through this. I just tried to deal with one thing at a time. First that I had cancer and the odds were supposed to be in my favor "weren't". Then the mastecomy, with tissue expanders, after that was chemo and all that goes with it. I tried to find a positive thing or 2 to keep me going. Like that I'd eat a great tasting meal the day before chemo because I could taste it. I didn't have to shave underarms or legs. Just simple stuff. My onco also told me that Celexa or Lexapro helped with the menopause symptoms. Hot flashes and no sex drive to me are the worst. Just take it as it comes. I know it is hard, just concentrate on the immediate not to far down the road. I hope this helps.
Janie

Kat11 · March 2011

AMomNETN said:
Yep
Yep we've all been throught this. Cancer is just plain sucky. I always wondered if the cure was worse than the cancer. I'm glad you have a husband to help support you through this. I just tried to deal with one thing at a time. First that I had cancer and the odds were supposed to be in my favor "weren't". Then the mastecomy, with tissue expanders, after that was chemo and all that goes with it. I tried to find a positive thing or 2 to keep me going. Like that I'd eat a great tasting meal the day before chemo because I could taste it. I didn't have to shave underarms or legs. Just simple stuff. My onco also told me that Celexa or Lexapro helped with the menopause symptoms. Hot flashes and no sex drive to me are the worst. Just take it as it comes. I know it is hard, just concentrate on the immediate not to far down the road. I hope this helps.
Janie

I have been through the same
I have been through the same treatments as you. Eat a little before your treatments. I would eat things like vanilla waffers, crackers, ginger ale. I would eat some potatoes when I got home from the hospital, but that is pretty much what I lived on durning chemo. I took my antinausea drugs as directed. I had 2 kinds while on Taxol and I had emend while on AC. It will pass, hang in there. Hugs
Kathy ~

carkris · March 2011

Kat11 said:
I have been through the same
I have been through the same treatments as you. Eat a little before your treatments. I would eat things like vanilla waffers, crackers, ginger ale. I would eat some potatoes when I got home from the hospital, but that is pretty much what I lived on durning chemo. I took my antinausea drugs as directed. I had 2 kinds while on Taxol and I had emend while on AC. It will pass, hang in there. Hugs
Kathy ~

I so feel your pain. I dont
I so feel your pain. I dont post about the chemo so much as I was no poster child for chemo. I was pretty sick, lost 80 pounds, (needed to) had diahrea, constipation, nausea, no desire to eat. I got very weak. was always dehydrated and dizzy, I also developed a rectal fissure which was huge and cause horrible pain.I had to wait until chemo was done to have surgery. sometimes I didnt think I would get through. sometimes it was an hour at a time. But I did it. The people here helped so much as my doctors and nurses just were totally stumped. I found mny women do well, some do fair and others have a harder time. but we all get through and then are amazed at our strength. We sometimes have to crawl across that finish line, but everyone here will cheer you on and know how hard you had to work. But as Chen says "we do what we have to do so we can do what we want to do" and you want to do everything you can to fight. things will get better, and this too shall pass. but while you are in it, it seems forever. hang in there post often, complain, yell, cry celebrate we are here! You can do this!!!!

aysemari · March 2011

We all understand you
Emamei,

being sick for a really long time can play tricks on your mind.

I honestly think what saved me were my walks and every little
of exercise I could get in (mostly gentle yoga moves). I did not
take antidepressants though one doctor tried to push it on me.
One day they put me in a different room for chemo, with really
old fragile looking, sick people and it was only my second chemo
and I just started crying. Somehow I felt I didn't belong there.
I also had acupuncture, that helped me immensely with the cramps
and heaviness in my legs. Meditation and music was another outlet.
And of course this board, this board was what kept me sane.

Just by reading your post, it doesn't sound like to me, that you have
talked about and really processed what you are going through. It is
so important to talk with people who understand what you are going
through.

I had to learn two things to really love and soothe myself and be patient
with myself. Realize the trauma my body and soul were exposed to and
be gentle and heal myself. Slowing down was very hard for me but I
am now at a point that I give myself the time my body needs to recover.
The progress is really slow but every little bit excites me.

So I am hoping to see you post more often and let us help you through
your dark days and share your victories.

Sweet VickiKid, I love your list. It really makes you realize what you went
through. So here's mine

Lumpectomy
2nd lumpectomy (no clear margins)
Port surgery
5 x Taxotere, Carbo and Herceptin
Mastectomy/ Port removal (;
7x Herceptin
Reconstruction surgery
Nipple surgery (need to redo it, unsuccessful)

Hugs,
Ayse

Gabe N Abby Mom · March 2011

What's that saying? How do
What's that saying? How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. And you do have a big elephant on your plate. I agree with others who have said to take it one step at a time.

So how do you make the elephant manageable? First, eliminate as many side dishes as you can. I would guess your side dishes are getting the girls to and from school, helping with homework, helping with their personal hygiene, housework and laundry, etc. Is there someone who can help with any of this? A neighbor takes my daughter to school, and I pick them up...that's one little thing off my plate. How can you simplify or eliminate daily routines? What have you been doing for the girls that they can now do for themselves? Can the older daughter help the younger ones with homework? Do your daughters teachers know what you are facing at home? They may be able to help.

As for housework, contact cleaning for a reason (www.cleaningforareason.org). You have to sign up, and they need to have volunteers in your area. But you might be able to get FREE housecleaning services for four months. If this doesn't work, ask if there are any similar services available through the cancer agency you are already working with. If you belong to a church, ask the pastor if there is any way the church can help.

Are you working? If so, can you take a medical leave? Can your husband adjust his work schedule? If he worked four days instead of five that might give you some relief. FMLA gives either/both of you protections at work while allowing time off.

I am making many many assumptions here (and you know what they say about that). I have a 10 year old girl, and a 14 year old boy. Some of what I'm suggesting has worked in our house. I do hope this helps.

Please know that I care.

Huge hugs,

Linda

laughs_a_lot · March 2011

Shared burdens.
This is no time to be alone. Shared burdens make the load a little lighter. Keep coming here where you can get genuine understanding. I repeat, this is no time to be alone.

natly15 · March 2011

Emamei I can so identify. I
Emamei I can so identify. I had stage 2 ER+ but other than that I had very similar treatment along with a raging infection at the surgical site. On March 30, 2011 it will be one year that I rang that bell at the infusion center celebrating the end of 4 rounds of A/C, 1 1/2 rounds of Taxol, and 3 rounds of Taxotere. My onc switched to taxotere because the pain caused by taxol was extremely debilitating and I had an adverse reaction when we tried the 2nd infusion. I also had 2 surgeries and took antibiotics for 8 months to treat the infection. At some points I wasnt sure I was going to make it, but I DID MAKE IT, and so will you!!!! I also had 33 radiation treatments. My children are married and gone and I'm older. I was 66 when diagnosed. There are some really good suggestions here. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. All our treatment is not easy but it is doable and we do get thru it. We each react differently because we are all so different. I also take anti depressants, and do whatever I can to feel comfy and serene. Please visit us often. These boards were my sole support and the gals here got me thru the tough times. God bless you sweet pink sister. Sending a bunch of cyber hugs.

emamei · March 2011

Gabe N Abby Mom said:
What's that saying? How do
What's that saying? How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. And you do have a big elephant on your plate. I agree with others who have said to take it one step at a time.

So how do you make the elephant manageable? First, eliminate as many side dishes as you can. I would guess your side dishes are getting the girls to and from school, helping with homework, helping with their personal hygiene, housework and laundry, etc. Is there someone who can help with any of this? A neighbor takes my daughter to school, and I pick them up...that's one little thing off my plate. How can you simplify or eliminate daily routines? What have you been doing for the girls that they can now do for themselves? Can the older daughter help the younger ones with homework? Do your daughters teachers know what you are facing at home? They may be able to help.

As for housework, contact cleaning for a reason (www.cleaningforareason.org). You have to sign up, and they need to have volunteers in your area. But you might be able to get FREE housecleaning services for four months. If this doesn't work, ask if there are any similar services available through the cancer agency you are already working with. If you belong to a church, ask the pastor if there is any way the church can help.

Are you working? If so, can you take a medical leave? Can your husband adjust his work schedule? If he worked four days instead of five that might give you some relief. FMLA gives either/both of you protections at work while allowing time off.

I am making many many assumptions here (and you know what they say about that). I have a 10 year old girl, and a 14 year old boy. Some of what I'm suggesting has worked in our house. I do hope this helps.

Please know that I care.

Huge hugs,

Linda

That saying....
Hi there.

Thank you so much for your reply and your support. My husband is fortunate to have a flexible work schedule so he drops the kids off at school on his way to work and picks them up on the way home where he works from home for the rest of the afternoon. My girls, especially my eldest helps daddy with laundry, and they all help in the kitchen and with other chores around the house. They also help each other with homework.

I do take things one day at a time, sometimes, one hour at a time. But I'm so overwhelmed lately.

Joining this forum was one of the best decisions I've made and I am grateful for all the support.

Thank you for your suggestions and for your kind words of support.

disneyfan2008 · March 2011

ONLY radiation for me
So I can not totally relate...but I am thinking of you...sorry no advice...

ONE THING That did help me...was daily journal! at the time it didnt' feel like it was helping..but hind sight it did.. (esp. SO I could vent in writing- when my supervisor/ job/ coworkers weren't so nice to me)

Coping

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