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Tick Tock, Tick Tock

lovingwifedeb's picture
lovingwifedeb
Posts: 184
Joined: Aug 2010

I shouldn't let one little doctor's appointment affect me but this one has me spinning by the tail. I'm having a hard time concentrating, a hard time thinking about anything else. Monday, March 7th my husband goes in for another brain MRI, hoping that the Gamma Knife radiation reduced the rest of the tumor left behind after surgery.

Damn this melanoma.

I look at my husband's face, he seems calm. He doesn't look upset or worried about anything life changing about to happen. How does he do it? After 3 surgeries and radiation in 7 months how would I be holding on? Not so good I'm thinking.

So I ask him one night how he's really feeling. I mean REALLY?

Bottom line without going into too much detail here, my husband raised two daughters on his own one who is disabled. At about 1-1/2 years of age it was discovered she had a hole in her heart and had to have an operation. Under anesthesia she had a stroke and her body had to relearn EVERYTHING. She is now 25, has some slight physical disabilities but was affected mostly mentally. She will never be able to read or write. She memorizes. She will always be stuck emotionally as a pre-teen. My husband raised her because the mother couldn't deal with her.

That said, with his melanoma diagnosis he tells me that he can't change it, he has to accept it and go on. He learned that lesson with his daughter.

ACCEPTANCE. AND GO ON.

Sure, he has his moments. Like when he heard he went from stage 3 to 4, it dropped him on the floor. But he picked himself up and decided to eat himself back to health.

COURAGE.

I think that's what he has, COURAGE. If some of it rubs off on me by Monday so much the better. Who is helping who here? Who is really the caregiver here? That's why our marriage is good I think. We are life partners no matter what is brought to our front door.

Deb
lovingwife to Bob, stage 4 melanoma

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1610
Joined: Aug 2009

I told one of my pastors that I didn't understand how my husband could be so calm as we waited for test results. She suggested that maybe I was more fearful because I was the one who would be left behind. I was faced with the possibility of losing my soulmate. He had a great deal of faith. He wasn't afraid of dying. She said I was the one who was facing an unknown future. The unknown is always scary. Good luck with the appointment and test results. You are in my thoughts. Fay

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

Fay stated so well. Dennis did have anxiety, but he controlled it well. I knew things were getting to him, though, closer to the end. He would tell me how he was disappointed in the outcome of the treatments and how they were making him feel. He said that at the beginning he felt it was going to be 1-2-3, and then remission and then some more life. Poor dear, he never made it to remission.

For some reason, and I suppose I was graced, waiting for results and the like, never made me very nervous or anxious. It was when we would walk into the doctor's office and I could see the look on her, her nervous way of stating things. She would begin with "well, there's good and there's not so good". At first, things were good, but there was always a but! My love really always saw the glass half full. In the end I feel it was his way of remaining calm as to not worry me more.

Sometimes frustration would set in for me, I would tell him, "you have no idea what I am feeling or thinking, I will be the one left behind, alone with a mountain of sorrow and responsibilities!".

It is good that Bob can remain calm. Deb, let him take care of you. Let him comfort you. So much is taken away from them, this is one thing he can do. He can hold you and tell you that no matter what, he loves you, and for as long as he can, he will be there for you.

Praying for the best results,

Lucy

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Deb,
I'll be thinking of you & Bob on monday. Sure hope his MRI turns out good!! Sounds like Bob is a great guy and doesn't deserve all that he's gone through. Try and think positive, okay? I'll say a prayer for him, I promise!! Take care& keep us posted! Carole

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1560
Joined: Nov 2009

Hello Deb
I will be thinking of you and Bob tomorrow. Positive thoughts only! All will turn out well. I know why Bob is so calm. He and I are alot alike. I have learned this, this past year since my dad's passing. One day this past summer, I asked my pastor, why is it that I am the strong one of the family? why is it that my dad's passing is so acceptable for me? Why is it that the last time I shed a tear for my dad was at his memorial, and my mom and brother cry all the time? My pastor looked me straight in the eye and said...Tina....it is easy....you know The Lord!!!! A lightbulb clicked in my brain the very moment. A ha! I get it. You see Deb, Bob and I share that. We have a strong faith, and we know the Lord. It is the Lord who keeps us calm and courageous. Peace be with you both tomorrow. Let us know how you make out, we will be waiting to hear from you! Hugs.
Tina in Va

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