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Does anyone find themselves becoming a little reckless

ktlcs's picture
ktlcs
Posts: 360
Joined: Jan 2010

I know that sometimes when we suffer a loss of this magnitude we may start doing things that are out of character from who we normally were. Mine has become shopping. Now mind you I have lost 35-40 pounds since my husbands passing (can't say I totally unhappy about being a size 4) amd needed new clothes but now I keep doing it I buy myself anything I want. I am lucky enough to be able to afford it, yet at the same time I am beginning to wonder if I'm trying to bury the pain with material things! I even bought a new expensive convertible sports car! Does amypme else find themselves doing stuff they would never thought of doing for themselves before?

Kathy

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

I became a cyber shopper after I lost my husband. The ups and fedex people visited regularly. I, too, was lucky enough to have the money to spend, and I didn't go too far overboard. It has tapered off now. I still buy things, but not as often. I think it is a pretty harmless hobby as long as we don't put ourselves at financial risk. I have also become more generous with others and donations. I think that is because I saw my husband doing that during his last few years after his dx. I'm not rich, but I am secure. He made sure of that. I watched my parents hold on to every penny and feel they missed so much. I don't want to do that. Fay

Pennymac02's picture
Pennymac02
Posts: 336
Joined: Aug 2010

I spent $102.00 at Yankee Candle today. Does that count?

ktlcs's picture
ktlcs
Posts: 360
Joined: Jan 2010

I keep buying shoes (and I am high heel junkie) and I have a broken foot! God only knows if I will ever be able to wear them! Not to mention the new tattoo

Kathy

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Kathy,
Funny, but I did the same thing after Tom (my hubby) died. I think it was a way to comfort myself or something. Didn't buy a sports car though!!! I have a friend who's hubby died 6 months after mine and she's been doing alot of things in her house. She had an interior decorater come in and has re-done everything. But hey, that's okay if it makes us feel better. Take care! Carole
Hope you get to wear the high heels and your foot gets better!!!

madhura
Posts: 21
Joined: Aug 2010

I thought I was the only one....
I lost my mum on Sep 26, it's just 5 months. Don't need to mention how upset and pained I am due to her passing away.
I started shopping a lot too - I keep buying stuff all the time but to top it all I got myself a diamond necklace, earrings & a bracelet - for no good reason.
I was realising that this is not normal and maybe I am trying to cover up my grief but now I am certain what it is - after reading your posts.

I have also started binging a lot, and put on several kilos in the last few months. All I do is eat all the time. I work in an Investment Bank and have a busy day - in spite of that I manage to find time for eating. Has this happened to anyone?

Pennymac02's picture
Pennymac02
Posts: 336
Joined: Aug 2010

I'm up by at least 35 pounds....

junklady's picture
junklady
Posts: 88
Joined: Aug 2009

Yes, I find myself out shopping for clothes and things for the house. I was never much of a shopper when Dale was alive, spent all my time caring for him. Now that he is gone, I'm out of the box and find shopping as a release for all my anger and grief. Went on 2 vacations and going again in mid April. Mind you , I live in Idaho and have fell in love with Lafayette, Louisiana. Something about the culture and music just moves my heart and soul. It just soothes me and helps with the grieving. I think it's all right to do whatever you need to do, to help ease the pain. Life is to short, enjoy everyday as it comes and be thankful.

Cyndi

Pennymac02's picture
Pennymac02
Posts: 336
Joined: Aug 2010

I agree, Cyndi. One of the things I've learned through Mikes passing is to "enjoy everyday as it comes and be thankful." Yes, I'm sad, yes, I'm grieving, yes I miss him. But I also have a strong sense of gratitude for even the bittersweet painful things. I'm no longer sweating the small stuff as much, because, lets face it, losing a loved one to cancer is about as high on the BAD things that happen in life scale as you can get. Dealing with a car break down or an unpaid bill? Not so much.

P.S. I'm planning a week at the beach for vacation myself : )
Penny

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

I was reminded by a friend today that they even have a name for this - retail therapy. That was after I got a new juicer and some blank cards to make Easter, birthday, thank you cards, etc. delivered in the mail. I have also done some traveling and would like to do more. I need a traveling companion, though. I have gone with family for most of it. Fay

mswijiknyc's picture
mswijiknyc
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

More Victoria's Secret than my drawers can handle, shoes (duh lol heel junkie too!!), new Mac, new iPod, lots of odd and ends (what do I need two piggy banks for?), and lots of eating out.

For me I think this had more to do with finally being able to shop with no repercussions. Pat would always climb head first into an argument with whenever I spent ANY money. He would have hit the roof if he knew what I have been up to.

But it is called retail therapy for a reason :)

rubyslippers
Posts: 53
Joined: Jul 2010

Since my mum passed away , I have not purchased much only presents for the children to make me feel better, if that makes sense. I buy anything I can for my Dad, it sort of helps me think I am helping him in any way, I know it is not but it makes me feel better. I have taken myself of my anti depressants 225 mg venlaxfaxine, and think I feel a bit clearer in the head, I am throwing up a lot lately but thats voluntary puking if you get my meaning, suppose thats the only thing I can control in my life. It is a complicated life that we all lead
love you ladies and be good to yourselves

kris
xxxxx

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Hey girl, you deserve to shop!! You went through so much with Patrick and took such good care of him, that I really think he'd approve of it now. What else do we have to live for now that we've lost our husbands right?? Guess I was very lucky, cause Tom always told me to buy what I want. I'm short and sometimes have a hard time finding pants, etc that fit, and when I used to wear dresses I always hated paying full price. Well there was a dress I loved and thought I'd wait for it to go on sale & when I did "oops, they didn't have my size". So Tom said "hey, when you see something you like, buy it!" So from that day on I did. He always gave me what I want so like I said guess I was very lucky.
If it makes us feel good, it is great therapy!! And a nice glass of wine to relax after our shopping spree!! Ha ha! Carole

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Hey girl, you deserve to shop!! You went through so much with Patrick and took such good care of him, that I really think he'd approve of it now. What else do we have to live for now that we've lost our husbands right?? Guess I was very lucky, cause Tom always told me to buy what I want. I'm short and sometimes have a hard time finding pants, etc that fit, and when I used to wear dresses I always hated paying full price. Well there was a dress I loved and thought I'd wait for it to go on sale & when I did "oops, they didn't have my size". So Tom said "hey, when you see something you like, buy it!" So from that day on I did. He always gave me what I want so like I said guess I was very lucky.
If it makes us feel good, it is great therapy!! And a nice glass of wine to relax after our shopping spree!! Ha ha! Carole

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1157
Joined: May 2008

much reckless then forgetting things i cant find my wedding set that angel got me i am sick about that, keep looking in all the weird places no luck. can't remember things.

michelle

rubyslippers
Posts: 53
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi All , after reading the posts, I think we should all be allowed to treat ourselves , come on we certainly deserve a pick me up when we can get it. If it is only a second or two while choosing something new and I know our loved ones would want us to be happy, so what ever makes you feel better, I think we should all do it and with a smile because our loved ones are standing next to us

kris xxxx

ktlcs's picture
ktlcs
Posts: 360
Joined: Jan 2010

Funny thing you mention that. I lost a set of keys, no where near important as your wedding set, to a cabinet in my office. I really needed something in that cabinet and lokked high and low for them for weeks. On the day I needed the item and was about to call bldg security to break the lock, I was sitting at my desk and heard something fall behind me. It was the keys! It was as if he knew I needed them desprately and came to my rescue!

I hope you find the set soon, but have a feeling Angel will lead you to it when the time is right

Kathy

skipper85's picture
skipper85
Posts: 231
Joined: Sep 2010

Shopping for clothes didn't do it for me. I needed something more satisfying so I'm getting a new countertop for the kitchen - taking down the wallpaper and painting the cabinets and putting new hardware on. Also changing the light fixtures. Painting most of the rest of the house too. I only have a little money but I'm justifying this by thinking if I have to sell the house at some point I would have to update and paint anyway. I won't have everything done until the first week in June but I'm enjoying the ride.

I also have a new view on work. I'm adopting the European view - work to live rather than the American version - live to work.

I'm starting to feel better. Still have some fatigue and lack of motivation. I hope I'm turning a corner.

Skipper

ktlcs's picture
ktlcs
Posts: 360
Joined: Jan 2010

Now that I have bought all the shoes, purses and clothes (althugh I did go from a 10 to a 4 and had a reason for the clothes) I have moved on to remodeling, having the house repainted the den renovated and a new fireplace installed

Although at the moment it makes me feel better, once its done I imagine I will be right back to that dark place

Hope not or soon I will be broke!

Kathy

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