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Questions

whistlestopgirl
Posts: 28
Joined: Nov 2009

It looks like some of the posts were taken off of the subject calling all gay,lesbian,transgender cancer survivors. It looks like the last reply was sometime in august when I know there were replies since that time in that subject. Anyway just curious if there is a limit to how many posts in one subject or maybe I am missing something or not seeing something correctly. Again just curious where those posts might be. Also I sometimes wonder if there are any other gay or lesbian people out there that are struggling with the day to day dealings of surviving cancer or being the caregiver of a partner that is a cancer survivor. I know many other subjects or catagories have hundreds of posts. Occasionaly someone may post under lesbians talk cancer, but then you never hear from them again so there is never really much dialog going on about anyone. If there is anyone out there that really would like to see this an active board please reply to this post. Also if anyone has any ideas what could help make the lesbians talk cancer a more active or appealing board please share your ideas. I'am putting it out there hoping that if there are any of you out there you can share your thoughts on this board and I hope make it more active. I know many of the challenges we face are the same as everyone else, but many challenges we face are different more unique to us being gay. So again if you have thoughts on anything I have said please send in your replies. Let everyone know you are out there. Thanks

24242
Posts: 1417
Joined: Mar 2001

I have been posting on this site long before joining in 2001. I guess people feel that questions are addressed on other sites so need for them to come here. I remember during my cancer fight over 14 years ago it was important to me to have contact with lesbians since straight women seemed uncomfortable with hearing about our lives. I did find a support group that was under ground and now is above ground so everyone can find them, the first one of its kind in Canada.
My straight friends all thought that breast cancer is just a woman's issue so why did I feel the need for support from other lesbians when woman suffer from the same thing. I have always known that being a lesbian is very different and my straight friends didn't really want to hear about my problems. I have been accused in the past of hitting on strange straight women when in fact I was just making conversation and being nice so what would it be like to open my soul to them?
I moved away from my home town since it was truly Red Necked to be with people who understood me and my own set of challanges. Having a son it was important for me to be surround with like minded people so he too could be proud of me...
Tara

whistlestopgirl
Posts: 28
Joined: Nov 2009

Tara,

It is true many questions especially about medical issues can be asked and answered on other discussion boards, but many issues we as gay and lesbians have to deal with can't really be answered there. Issues for example such as dealing with either caregiver or survivor families which are not always understanding of our relationships. Legal issues for states were our uniouns are not recognized. Also not all gay and lesbian people are located in big gay friendly cities so dealing with homophobia which still exits while also fighting cancer is twice as hard. These are just a few issues among many. It isn't that straight people on other lists can't help with information on medical issues and advice, but even the most gay friendly people don't know fully what it is like to walk in our shoes and deal with some of the discrimination we still have to deal with legally and socialy. I wouuld hope this list would help with some of the issues that the gay community must deal with while fighting cancer. I encourage everyone to seek advice for their specific cancers on some of the other lists, but I would hope that they would find this list helpful in dealing with issues unique to our community. I would also hope they could find encouragement and support on this list from other lesbian, gay, and transgendered people. Thanks for reading this and if you are lesbian, gay, or transgendered your imput on this list will be much appreciated or if no one out there cares to put any imput on this board it will continue to limp along and maybe close down eventually from lack of interest by anyone in the glbt community. It is really up to you out there looking at this to keep this board not only alive, but to see it thrive and grow.
Thanks
PS....even though this board says lesbians I think it would be good to include our gay brothers and the transgendered community as well. If anyone has any thoughts on having this board be all inclusive of the whole glbt community please voice your opinion.

rose8535
Posts: 2
Joined: Mar 2011

This is the first time i have been on line for cancer chat in a very long time.I am very interested in this board.I myself am very alone hope to meet and get help, and help others.I am 4th stage breast cancer since 2004.Been doing quite well up until latley been having some tests done.I am very worried I have suspicous lymph nodes in my lungs.I try to stay positive but some times is hard.Iam a 57 year old female.First diagnose in 1993 so I have done pretty good I would say.I am very isolated though not just because Iam gay but I am getting older also and alot of issues with that also.Gay and lesbian are the same to me.I am very happy to share with this board and hope I can help also--Thank You Tara

whistlestopgirl
Posts: 28
Joined: Nov 2009

I am glad to see both of your responses and hope others out there will also respond. I would love to see this board be very active and vital. Tara I know you have posted along time and have been one of the good supporters of this board. It is good in Canada where you live that they have an out gay cancer support group. I only wish we had something like that here in the USA. Maybe they do, but if so I am sure it is in one of the major cities and not where alot of us are able to go. For so many of us the internet is what we have since in most cities and towns in this country things still haven't changed that much over the years and so we find ourselves isolated. Rose8535 glad you found this board and just by responding to this list you are helping to keep it going. I hope those suspicous lynph nodes turn out to be nothing to worry about. I am the partner of a two year cancer survivor who has been bravely fighting against ovarian cancer. Many times we have felt isolated in our fight against this disease. However we continue to be our best support system and both take turns keeping each other going when things get tough. I also relate to what you say about ageing. People always think of the gay culture as young and in the bars and partying, but many of us baby boomers are ageing and that does seem to isolate us even in cities where people may be lucky enough to have a thriving gay community. Ageing in the gay community really hasn't been truly addressed except maybe in a few big cities. Rose8535 please feel free to reply to me either on this board or email me if you want. Again for anyone reading this that has looked at this board but hasn't sent a post yet. Please don't be shy and just send a post to help make this a vital and active board just like many of the other boards on this ACS site.
Thanks for listening.

Domina's picture
Domina
Posts: 62
Joined: Dec 2010

Hey Girlfriends!!!!

I am a cancer survivor!!!!!

Hope all is well with everyone. This is my first post on the Lesbian cancer category. I have been on the site since 12/2010 under the
uterine cancer category. I had Stage 1A/Grade 2 endometrial cancer diagnosed after I started bleeding post-menopause. I was blessed not to go through any chemo or radiation or pills. I am 54.

I think the reason there is not so many posts is because (my opinion) the women are identifying more with their "type" of cancer instead of if they are LGB or T.

Well I would love to talk to anyone, it's nice to feel comfortable and feel understood, but actually the love & warmth & caring I found from the women in the uterine category has been a life line & very welcomed also. Don't know how many are family, but in reality we all are due to the cancer connection anyway.

Hey, whistlestopgirl, love your screen name. Fried Green Tomatoes is one of my all time favs. Love that "Izzy"

Peace & health.

whistlestopgirl
Posts: 28
Joined: Nov 2009

It was nice to see your response to this board. My partner has endemetrial/ovarian cancer. She was dx stage 3a. She has undergone full hysterectomy and radiation and chemo. She had a reoccurance and so underwent another regime of chemo. She is now on an ongoing regime of drugs, but they do appear to be working :-) The first time around she was told it was endometrial cancer, but after the reappearance they felt it really was ovarian. Anyway the important part is she is still here and going strong. I feel you are right when you say most women identify more with the type of cancer than anything else. I am glad that you are getting such good support from the other women on that board. I guess for the one surviving with the cancer the relating with other women with the same cancer is a strong bond. However for the caregiver it is harder finding the bond with straight caregivers since many times our issues are so different from their issues. Also for many glbt caregivers and survivors there is not always the same family or even friend support that many straight caregivers have. However it is nice to see a response to this board even if it is only every once in a while. Thanks for the compliment on my screen name I love fried green tomatoes the movie yes Izzy is quite the bee charmer. Feel free to write me whenever you want either on this board or at my email address.
Take care.

Domina's picture
Domina
Posts: 62
Joined: Dec 2010

Hi:
I am so sorry to hear about your partner's diagnosis, how long ago was the original endometrial DX? When they did the hysterectomy did they remove the ovaries at that time & when did she have the recurrence where they switched to ovarian? Wow, I am sorry, both of your have really been put through the ringer but I am so happy to hear her drug regimen is working. That is a blessing!!!!

I do not want to discount what the other women have given me in terms of support, info. & caring on this site, but it is true you & your partner have a whole different set of obstacles than what a man/woman couple have to face. A person should not have to worry about if the medical team is going to talk to her about her partner's medical condition & even let her visit in the hospital or sit in on a office visit on top of the normal stress cancer brings. I am single but in the past I had surgeries with my partner & it was frustrating & awkward & unfair how we had to negotiate everything differently like we were sub-human. Before I came out I never had to think of things like that when I was married to a man.

Well, please feel free to write again, stay strong, we are here for you & may God bless you & your partner & prayers for continued healing.

And yes, Izzy was a bee charmer for sure!!! lol

whistlestopgirl
Posts: 28
Joined: Nov 2009

Domina,

My partner was dx a little over two years ago. She had a full hysterectomy. Her reoccurance was probably about a year after the original dx. We were lucky with the doctors and the surgeons and the hospital. It was really a don't ask don't tell scenerio. We had all our legal papers lined up and basicly showed them to who needed to see them. So they never really gave me a hard time about being there with her. It was like they didn't really acknowledge our relationship, but they knew I had all the legal rights. Our problem really was dealing with her ultra conservative and ultra religious family. It added alot of stress to our situation. Hard enough to deal with something like cancer entering your partners life and turning it upside down, and then having to deal with hostile relatives just made it much more stressful. Anyway feel free to email me if you would like.

thanks

womack1424
Posts: 38
Joined: May 2011

I am very new to this sight although I have been a caregiver to my partner for 7 years now. This board is hidden at the bottom and it was more than a week before I noticed there were other boards under the cancer specific ones. It is nice to see others out there who are in the same boat as we are. My partner has stage 1V colon cancer and things have been very difficult over the last couple of months. She has taken early retirement and is home full time now. Her cancer started growing again in January and she was placed in a clinical trial. The trial drug caused her to have a mild stroke so she had to be removed. At this point she opted to try a risky procedure on her lung mets. called microwave ablation. Although the Dr. discouraged her she wanted to give it a try. The procedure went well, however 2 days later her lung collapsed and she ended up in the hospital for 4 days. She came home on oxygen for a week. In retrospect this was not a good idea, she says it was the most painful procedure she has ever had. This week we found out the tumor on her spine is growing again, and she has started taking Xeloda, in hopes this will slow the growth. Keeping our fingers crossed.
It is so hard to watch the person you love suffer like this. I am finding myself getting angry with her because she won't get up and move around, then when she does she is exhausted after. Definitely an emotional roller coaster.
Glad to have found this place:)

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