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Caradavin
Posts: 23
Joined: Jan 2010

Hello all. I first entered these boards last year when I received an all clear on my biopsy. I was in remission until, well, I don't know when, but I am not in remission anymore. So, I'm back. I am really struggling because I miscarried in 2009, which led to my diagnosis. I have been trying to have children with my fiance for almost 3 years now, and now I will lose the very thing I need to carry a child. I need to grieve, ok, so yes I know that it's more important that I survive and take care of myself so that I can live. I just really have worked so hard and so long to battle infertility and now this. I already have friends and family doing the "Well, that's too bad, but at least you will live" spiel, so I just need to let it out somewhere that maybe somebody understands.

Tresia23's picture
Tresia23
Posts: 73
Joined: Dec 2010

Hi, I am so sorry to hear your news of remission. It is very disappointing after you have been through so much already. It is not helpful when friends and family give us the response you have received. Maybe they see you as someone who is pretty determined, but cannot see the pain you are feeling inside. I am sure they love and care about you. It is very natural to experience strong and fluctuating feelings of pain and loss now, when it is happening. It is real and it is part of your life, so it is important to acknowledge the feelings and not brush them aside. Time will lessen the pain but it is not important to think of that now. It will just happen. We are fortunate to have a place to come and share. Take care of yourself and we are thinking of you.

nempark
Posts: 592
Joined: Apr 2010

My dear, vent all you want, remember though that friends and family mean well but, they really do not understand the way you feel. Off course, it's important that you grieve, the most important thing that you wanted is taken away from you, so grieve and cry and feel angry and sad it's all okay!! and in time, you will be able to accept and move along. Never mind my dear, you will feel better as soon as you start your treatment and start your journey to better health. There is going to come a time when you are going to look back and think what every they said to you is meaningless. Off course, we all here on this board do understand how you are feeling because we are in the same situation as you are. Please do not be too hard on your friends and family, sometimes they really do not know what to say and when to say. Talk to us we are here for you. I wish you a speedy recovery from your great loss and diagnosis. BIG HUGS. June

hopeful girl 1
Posts: 454
Joined: May 2010

I am so sorry to hear the news Cara. I am sending big hugs and healing thoughts your way!

We are all here for you.

Hugs,
Cindy

Cler
Posts: 26
Joined: Jan 2011

Hello,

I am 34 and last year underwent a hysterectomy. I do not have children and desperately, desperately wanted to. It has been so sad, despairing and tragic to face the fact I will never experience what it would be like to carry my own children. It does seem so unfair. I mean, haven't we been through enough already!

Before my operation I was able to freeze some eggs. Of course, this is a long-shot for a future child but a chance I felt was worth taking. I have 7 eggs frozen and if I can remain well I hope to use a surrogate in the future to carry a child. It is possible for a sister or a friend to do this for you if you are able to freeze some eggs yourself.

Last year I was not able to look at the idea of adoption because I so desperately wanted my own children. However, a friend mentioned something which really resonated with me. She said that giving birth doesn't make you a mother - the day to day love and commitment that you show to a child is really what a mother is and if I felt I had that in me then being the mother of a child who doesn't have anyone else would be an amazing and loving thing to do.

Take a look at www.fertilehope.org. It is dedicated to people with cancer wanting children. It may help you find some alternatives including some advice on finances for egg freezing etc. I understand that embryo freezing is actually quite successful and as you are already married you can do this. Unfortunately I am single so the only option was to freeze eggs.

As I have had an immediate recurrence my prognosis is poor. My priority now has to be me and staying alive but I still do believe that things will work out in the end. That I will live and I will find a surrogate or adopt a child and I will feel just as much of a mother as if I'd carried my children normally. Where there's life there's hope for anything. I really know how hard this is for you but don't lose hope...

Clêr xx

nempark
Posts: 592
Joined: Apr 2010

How comforting your message is even though you yourself must have been devastated. Of course things will work out in the end not only for you but for all of us on Board. I am a foster mom and I have had a son since he was 12 years old, ( I did not adopt him because his parents did not give up their parental rights, but that's okay)it took some time for him to realize that I was his foster mom and that I cared, but immediately he was my son. 12 years later he is just finishing off college and I couldn't have loved him more if I had given birth to him. Bear in mind, he was twelve years old when I first met him, let alone if he was much younger. So even if you haven't physically carried a child and you decide to adopt or find a surrogate you both will still experience the wonderful joy of being a mother. God will bless you all and soon take away all your disappointment and fears so you can look forward to a bright future, you have many many years ahead of you. Speed recovery and Good health to you both and to anyone who read this blog!! june

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