Feb 22, 2011 - 10:02 pm
The man in my life is an engineer and thus certainly a 'fix it' person. He was coming by (we broke up after 10 years last Sept!!) after my diagnosis but it was uncomfortable, he'd rush in and out and I'd be left feeling worse than if he hadn't come. So I emailed him to just not come by because it seemed like he didn't really want to be here, and he replied that he had a "limited set of tools" to help me and he felt frustrated.
I found this brochure online (can't find it now) about how to be a friend to someone with cancer. I wrote him this message, copied from my Sent mail, below, and since then it's DEFINITELY been better, he hugs me, he asks what's going on, how am I. BTW I didn't talk to him about it because I didn't want to sound blame-y, and I didn't want him to "turn off," that's just how I did it. Next time he came by he walked right in and hugged me.
"I read an online brochure for friends of people w/ cancer. It said how friends and mates can feel frustrated about how to help and I remembered your email about that. I know you're a fix-it person so I see how that could be frustrating.